“We must be our own before we can be another’s” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Between dinner and the Movie tonight we did one of my favourite things. We went to Chapters. It was great. This is what I love about my friends. We walked in the doors an immediately separated as we went to our most beloved sections. One to self help, another to fiction, another to biographies. No one said a word. It was if we just knew that we could separate and still find our ways back to each other. That’s friendship.


I found myself in the biographies. I am always drawn to them. I love knowing about the lives of others and how they overcome their circumstances to become great or maybe just great for a moment.


I picked up Obama’s book. Hmnn.... political positioning.... kind of boring; John McCain’s was no better. I searched for a Stephen Harper or heaven forbid, any other Canadian politicians book. I must have been in the wrong section. Then I glanced over and saw a book that Sydney Portiere wrote..... To his granddaughter. I was caught up immediately. I was touched. If I didn’t have a stack of books needing to be read already I would have broken down and bought it. I cherished the thought of a grandparent leaving that kind of legacy behind or before they even leave this world.


As I was standing there looking at what my heaven would be like.... full of books and friends, I thought about how much more I have learned about myself through these troubled times.


I started by realizing my behaviour was hurting others, I realized another was directly affecting my behaviour and then I sought forgiveness and peace on the whole family’s terms. Sometimes not everyone wants to be a part of the process. Sometimes it’s just meant to end, even if it hurts. And trust me everyone hurts.


And then a miraculous thing can happen. You can actually find yourself. If you take the time to be alone and search inside yourself you might be surprised at what you find in there. If you take the time to nurture your wounds and heal what better possibilities to bring to the relationships you have. All of them, your children, your bros and sis, you friends, your coworkers. Healing your soul... finding you own is transcending. It’s pure ZEN. I am so happy.


Sadness sometimes creeps in. When the pang of jealousy hits as the ex spouse so quickly moves on, or when an anniversary comes, or when a child feels abandoned. But when you own your own, anger has no place. Maybe this is what forgiveness feels like. Maybe I am getting to that place when I can just forgive and be forgiven and really just move on.


I feel somehow that the Big Guy needs me to move forward. How that happens only He knows. I have faith and trust that He will let me understand the path that lies ahead of me that will sustain the growth I am experiencing. Maybe a mission...... maybe some volunteering.....maybe some travels. Who knows?