"…focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it."
— Greg Anderson
I went to the Flames Hockey Game last night and had a great life lesson come to mind. I would never be able to ever explain why I enjoy watching live hockey. Maybe it’s the electric atmosphere of the Pengrowth Saddle Dome filled with over 20,000 red fans cheering and moving the arena into frenzy or the great pocket dawgs and popcorn but I absolutely love it.
Now watching hockey on TV; not so fond of. The whole thing doesn’t make a ton of sense, I mean, with the TV they give you all the details and it’s live. When I am at the game I am pretty much just watching the action on the ice wondering what the heck is going on. I love it though; it really fills me with Joy.
So it made me realize just how much of a metaphor for life this is. It can come at you in one of two ways depending on who you are as a character in your own life. You can either be involved in it with all the commentary and statistics so as to be able to replay all the bumps and bruises or just live and let in happen. I much prefer just being in it, live and in person, trusting that above all else, it will be a blast.
Taking chances and extending yourself in faith can bring such enormous blessings. I have never regretted at least trying and even in failure the lessons you learn are invaluable to becoming a better person. The only regrets come as the critics oversee your life. I used to care so much about how they felt and yet now, I hardly ever think twice. What a freedom is won when your purge the concerns of others and live for yourself. It’s liberating.
So what am I on about?
Living and breathing the journey. Watching hockey games, riding an overcrowded CTrain and sharing the moments with everyone around you. For a very long time all that ever mattered was what the end outcome would be. So much of what we were about was the final destination. I know my Father in Heaven knows my heart; he knows my intent and values me as His Daughter and as a Mother raising children. My children and I have never laughed and smiled and just zenned so much as we have in this last year.
If I could pass this wisdom on to a younger generation of parents I would say; stop the keeping up and just enjoy. Go to the park, the house doesn’t have to be immaculate just clean enough, teach them the gospel but do it in a way less regimented and more inspired. Why not have them act out their favorite scriptures for scripture study, take the words and make them matter in their lives. I could write a book on the wrong way of doing things and now I can add some of the right ways.
I went to lunch with a friend today whose daughter has become close to my K3. K3 had shared some of her experiences about her Dad with my friend’s daughter and she was so shocked. What my children experienced is so foreign to some kids who have been blessed with a different circumstance and they simply can’t comprehend it. It makes them so sad. But for us, we see it differently now. We find great strength coming from it. We see our desire to change the motivating experience of our lives and we know that we would not be the people we are if we hadn’t have experienced it. The secret here is the moving forward and the finding reason in an unreasonable circumstance. That is how you find the path to wholeness.
What I would give for a different history but alas, no such luck. So here’s the answer. Embrace your history and let it strengthen and motivate you inner soul to greatness and peace. I can never fully describe the absolute tranquility of letting go but I can attest to its power to heal. It defines Zen, it is completeness. It is worth it.
So the change comes in the stopping of worrying about what may be and finding the power in the now. Eckhart Tolle’s book, "The Power of Now’ is a must read of any injured person and when coupled with the gospel that I love so much is makes sense of a senseless world. Now matters, what will be, will be because of what you do this very moment.
Enjoy the journey, the destination will soon come.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
People
People who treat other people as less than human must not be surprised when the bread they have cast on the waters comes floating back to them, poisoned. ~ James Baldwin
Things have happened this month, this week and last night that have weighed on my conscious so as to address them here and now in this blog. I am not sure who or how many people read this. I know, every now and then I will hear from you and my heart will realize that the words can sometimes matter. This entry has purpose however. It’s for the hearts of my children and for families everywhere who live each day with the remnants of the abuse they have endured.
I arrived home last night and was met by an eerie silence. The lights were on and the house was breathing but the sound of D was silently missing. As I hit the third floor landing I could hear the hushed tones of a conversation and the humming of a heartfelt thought. My D was on the phone and he was emotional. At first I thought he was in the midst of a breakup and my heart ached, I really like this new girlfriend. I slowly walked down the stairs and he just looked at me, his pain etched across his profile. I mouthed the questioning words of a breakup and he shook his head to the negative and waved me to leave. “I’ll tell you later”. I turned and felt my heart sink, he was hurting and the torch had passed.
A few moments later he ascended the stairs. There weren’t a lot of words. He confirmed it wasn’t a break up at all but a friend who had managed to open the door of the pain and heartache he had been holding inside for months. She had gotten him to talk and even though it wasn’t to me at least he was spilling and like a festering boil, the only way to ever heal is the painful necessity of opening the wound. He didn’t have to say another word, I could see it. He had begun to purge and you could see that his burden was getting lighter. How can I ever thank this young woman? She had done something many of us have been trying to do for some time. Thank-you E. I owe you.
Now to what I am on about; this is heavy…. Prepare yourself.
If you ever wondered if emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, verbal abuse leaves scars just look into the hearts, eyes and lives of those innocents who have been their victims. I live each day in the wonder, is this the day that it will rear its ugly head? Over and over again the results of the words, the sarcasms, the criticism, the jabs, the put downs are a part of every moment of our days. The ever present fears that rise just in the everyday patterns of living that can come and play havoc in our journey. For us; decisions that are so simple for most are usually burdened by doubt and indecision because we have suffered at abuses hand. Simple emotional tasks that are easy for most can sometimes feel unreachable and in the end we choose to ignore or simply forgot that we must decide. Everyday living is burdened by the effects of abuse at sometimes live can seem difficult and insurmountable.
If you think that fear will ever make a person better, please think again. I had heard once that fear was the Holy Ghost’s early warning sign of trouble ahead. I don’t recall a day without it. I shudder to think at the times I failed my children by not acting sooner and leaving earlier so that they could at least have a hope of being whole. As I see the results I know that what they endured, what we endured, will be a part of our patterns of living for the rest of our lives. But I see now that anything can be overcome, it is in the recognition of abuse's effects that you can heal and become whole again. Thus; my enduring gratitude to a young woman who was able to find a way for the door to open to healing.
Now some advice.
If you have a friend, or a family member who is currently suffering under the hands of abuse please do something. Reach out, try and if you are pushed away; no worries, your friend or family member will remember your offer when the fear is superseded by the need to get out. I am forever in the debt of my dear friend M who reached out and led me to believe that I didn’t need to suffer alone, that my kids and I needn’t suffer alone. I am grateful to a loving family who has supported and aided our journey as well. I am grateful for LDS Social services and for the others who taught the healing so necessary for my family and above all else I am grateful to the fortitude of my amazing children and their enduring spirits.
And now, a word to our abuser; your callous disregard continues and though you are not around to witness the results of your actions they are and continue to be very real. As all abusers deny culpability, in the end, you will feel the same pain that you have inflicted on so many others; that is God’s will.
I pass now on any further judgment but will continue in my resolve to be a better mother and caregiver to the truly “innocent” victims of your years of insensitivity and ternary. And to your assertion that I am the reason your children have nothing to do with you. Again, you alone are the master of that destiny. Your name rarely passes through our lives. Only when you re-enter to further your agenda of control do our lives ever include you . And as time passes, so does the pain subside of your insults and abuse.
Only you can heal yourself and find within that callous and heartless soul the desire to make amends to the lives you tried in vein to control and to ruin. Notice the word tried. I, no WE will not give you the power to ruin the rest of our lives. We will survive and we will break this cycle. And though what you did will always be a part of the formula of our lives it will not be the determining factor. That alone belongs to our Savior and to understanding of the atonement and it's great purpose in our lives.
Good luck and God speed. We are one and we are healing and we are continuing to be blessed.
Things have happened this month, this week and last night that have weighed on my conscious so as to address them here and now in this blog. I am not sure who or how many people read this. I know, every now and then I will hear from you and my heart will realize that the words can sometimes matter. This entry has purpose however. It’s for the hearts of my children and for families everywhere who live each day with the remnants of the abuse they have endured.
I arrived home last night and was met by an eerie silence. The lights were on and the house was breathing but the sound of D was silently missing. As I hit the third floor landing I could hear the hushed tones of a conversation and the humming of a heartfelt thought. My D was on the phone and he was emotional. At first I thought he was in the midst of a breakup and my heart ached, I really like this new girlfriend. I slowly walked down the stairs and he just looked at me, his pain etched across his profile. I mouthed the questioning words of a breakup and he shook his head to the negative and waved me to leave. “I’ll tell you later”. I turned and felt my heart sink, he was hurting and the torch had passed.
A few moments later he ascended the stairs. There weren’t a lot of words. He confirmed it wasn’t a break up at all but a friend who had managed to open the door of the pain and heartache he had been holding inside for months. She had gotten him to talk and even though it wasn’t to me at least he was spilling and like a festering boil, the only way to ever heal is the painful necessity of opening the wound. He didn’t have to say another word, I could see it. He had begun to purge and you could see that his burden was getting lighter. How can I ever thank this young woman? She had done something many of us have been trying to do for some time. Thank-you E. I owe you.
Now to what I am on about; this is heavy…. Prepare yourself.
If you ever wondered if emotional abuse, spiritual abuse, verbal abuse leaves scars just look into the hearts, eyes and lives of those innocents who have been their victims. I live each day in the wonder, is this the day that it will rear its ugly head? Over and over again the results of the words, the sarcasms, the criticism, the jabs, the put downs are a part of every moment of our days. The ever present fears that rise just in the everyday patterns of living that can come and play havoc in our journey. For us; decisions that are so simple for most are usually burdened by doubt and indecision because we have suffered at abuses hand. Simple emotional tasks that are easy for most can sometimes feel unreachable and in the end we choose to ignore or simply forgot that we must decide. Everyday living is burdened by the effects of abuse at sometimes live can seem difficult and insurmountable.
If you think that fear will ever make a person better, please think again. I had heard once that fear was the Holy Ghost’s early warning sign of trouble ahead. I don’t recall a day without it. I shudder to think at the times I failed my children by not acting sooner and leaving earlier so that they could at least have a hope of being whole. As I see the results I know that what they endured, what we endured, will be a part of our patterns of living for the rest of our lives. But I see now that anything can be overcome, it is in the recognition of abuse's effects that you can heal and become whole again. Thus; my enduring gratitude to a young woman who was able to find a way for the door to open to healing.
Now some advice.
If you have a friend, or a family member who is currently suffering under the hands of abuse please do something. Reach out, try and if you are pushed away; no worries, your friend or family member will remember your offer when the fear is superseded by the need to get out. I am forever in the debt of my dear friend M who reached out and led me to believe that I didn’t need to suffer alone, that my kids and I needn’t suffer alone. I am grateful to a loving family who has supported and aided our journey as well. I am grateful for LDS Social services and for the others who taught the healing so necessary for my family and above all else I am grateful to the fortitude of my amazing children and their enduring spirits.
And now, a word to our abuser; your callous disregard continues and though you are not around to witness the results of your actions they are and continue to be very real. As all abusers deny culpability, in the end, you will feel the same pain that you have inflicted on so many others; that is God’s will.
I pass now on any further judgment but will continue in my resolve to be a better mother and caregiver to the truly “innocent” victims of your years of insensitivity and ternary. And to your assertion that I am the reason your children have nothing to do with you. Again, you alone are the master of that destiny. Your name rarely passes through our lives. Only when you re-enter to further your agenda of control do our lives ever include you . And as time passes, so does the pain subside of your insults and abuse.
Only you can heal yourself and find within that callous and heartless soul the desire to make amends to the lives you tried in vein to control and to ruin. Notice the word tried. I, no WE will not give you the power to ruin the rest of our lives. We will survive and we will break this cycle. And though what you did will always be a part of the formula of our lives it will not be the determining factor. That alone belongs to our Savior and to understanding of the atonement and it's great purpose in our lives.
Good luck and God speed. We are one and we are healing and we are continuing to be blessed.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Big Love
They were so strong in their beliefs that there came a time when it hardly mattered what exactly those beliefs were; they all fused into a single stubbornness.
~Louise Erdrich
Have you ever heard someone go on about something and when they were done speaking you wondered what the heck it was all about anyway? ( I think sometimes my blog falls under this)I’ve been taking a long hard look at just about every part of my life and accessing its meaning. My beliefs; my goals; my aspirations. What do these all mean and how do they fit into how I am going to live my life?
Let’s take religion for a start. For the longest time how I have lived my faith has been scrutinized. It never measured up and when your very faith is jeopardized by constant attacks it usually trends in one of two directions. It is either lost, out of shear exhaustion or strengthened by a resolve to let no one take it away from you. Luckily for me, the latter is the case but the question is why?
Why, for me, did the constant attack and ridicule just strengthen my resolve to hold closer to the values I cherish and not just give up? If I had the answer, its worth would be priceless.
I have been called many things, a closet Mormon, a cafeteria Mormon, a Jack Mormon, for goodness sakes, I have even been referred to as a Molly Mormon so as you can see, who I am and what I am about when it comes to faith is multi faceted.
I refuse to have my faith dictate the acceptance of others. I refuse to pass judgment on any other human being. I believe the gospel I know and love requires an open and honest mind and that "knowing" the fate of another is only in the hands of the Big Guy, so to pass that judgment is treading on some pretty dangerous waters even when we pass it on those who are the most judgmental against us.
When we as a faith get our gander up we sometimes stop hearing the complaints of others. When we dig ourselves into the trench’s and refuse the opinions of others we lose the grasp of the love the gospel offers all people, regardless of faith or denomination. I feel sometimes that we become so offended that we turn defensive and aggressive in what we want others to know of ourselves. This, in the end, polarizes not only those that believe and think like us but those that don’t will polarize to the opposite viewpoint.
Thus the rage over Prop 8 and the backlash, vis-à-vis, the Big Love Episode. All points taken into consideration, every one feels validated. Is it any wonder that we have been singled out and in turn, what we value most, exposed for prying and ridiculing eyes.
Please don’t misunderstand me. There is no valid point, in my esteem, for Big Love to have aired part of the endowment ceremony. But listen; "in my esteem". But for those whose lives were directly affected by the Prop 8 vote, in their esteem, they had every right because we put on hearts and souls into the ruckus. You enter the fight, you suffer the blows. They hit hard but I am sure, in their esteem, they hit fairly.
So, I suspect you wonder my opinion. Well, since this one directly affected my life as my family is a avid watcher of Big Love and thus, that would require my "two cents" after the episode aired to speak to the portrayal of something I have great reverence for to my daughters I cherish so much, here it goes.
The producers of Big Love hit a low blow. They didn’t have to do what they did. With that being said, they could have done it a ton worse way but even still, too low for my liking. They handled the reverence and importance of it well enough but the portion of the ceremony that they exposed clearly stated their intent, and for that, I am seriously disappointed. I will probably wean myself from the show.
But here’s my opinion on our actions. If you choose to enter the fight be mindful of the consequences and for goodness sakes, do not underestimate your role. That will only fuel the fire and make the battle last much longer than it ever would have in the first place. And above all else, find a peaceful and gospel centered resolve without further fueling the fire. Suggesting removing a subscription to AOL is ludicrous. To follow that logic would be equal to saying we must all remove or cease viewing anything on Youtube, which has much more sacred content on it then Big Love ever showed. Does it make sense?
Here’s the thing. Hardly anyone watched Big Love prior to the controversy and the only reason anyone really knew what was going on is because we put a disclaimer on our web site. It was picked up by the National Press and became a big deal. Even the church in its press release commented that it was to just be let go but by then the momentum had begun.
So, my opinion. Much ado about nothing. The shows aired, did the church crumple and die, are testimonies shaken? Some maybe, mine not. My daughters take on the whole thing; "weird getup Mom and not so bizarre, not as much as I thought".
People, we are in the last days. Get used to having your faith tested and put under trial; over and over again. The reality is that there will always be people who don’t like us, they will undermine us and they will, oh my gosh, maybe even lie but the reality is we aren’t normal. We never have been and probably never will be and demanding others to accept us just isn’t always going to be in the cards.
If we really want to make this work, as a people, we must live our lives without apologies and still maintain the respect that others have that same right. You know the article of faith I am talking about. We must have no judgment, no critics, and no self righteousness. We cannot assert that we have the only answers and everyone else is wrong. Now is not the time to be stubborn and lose our purpose. Open your heart and your mind and strengthen your testimony with a resolve to be peaceful and have an honest and giving heart. Isn’t that really what the Savior’s message is all about?
~Louise Erdrich
Have you ever heard someone go on about something and when they were done speaking you wondered what the heck it was all about anyway? ( I think sometimes my blog falls under this)I’ve been taking a long hard look at just about every part of my life and accessing its meaning. My beliefs; my goals; my aspirations. What do these all mean and how do they fit into how I am going to live my life?
Let’s take religion for a start. For the longest time how I have lived my faith has been scrutinized. It never measured up and when your very faith is jeopardized by constant attacks it usually trends in one of two directions. It is either lost, out of shear exhaustion or strengthened by a resolve to let no one take it away from you. Luckily for me, the latter is the case but the question is why?
Why, for me, did the constant attack and ridicule just strengthen my resolve to hold closer to the values I cherish and not just give up? If I had the answer, its worth would be priceless.
I have been called many things, a closet Mormon, a cafeteria Mormon, a Jack Mormon, for goodness sakes, I have even been referred to as a Molly Mormon so as you can see, who I am and what I am about when it comes to faith is multi faceted.
I refuse to have my faith dictate the acceptance of others. I refuse to pass judgment on any other human being. I believe the gospel I know and love requires an open and honest mind and that "knowing" the fate of another is only in the hands of the Big Guy, so to pass that judgment is treading on some pretty dangerous waters even when we pass it on those who are the most judgmental against us.
When we as a faith get our gander up we sometimes stop hearing the complaints of others. When we dig ourselves into the trench’s and refuse the opinions of others we lose the grasp of the love the gospel offers all people, regardless of faith or denomination. I feel sometimes that we become so offended that we turn defensive and aggressive in what we want others to know of ourselves. This, in the end, polarizes not only those that believe and think like us but those that don’t will polarize to the opposite viewpoint.
Thus the rage over Prop 8 and the backlash, vis-à-vis, the Big Love Episode. All points taken into consideration, every one feels validated. Is it any wonder that we have been singled out and in turn, what we value most, exposed for prying and ridiculing eyes.
Please don’t misunderstand me. There is no valid point, in my esteem, for Big Love to have aired part of the endowment ceremony. But listen; "in my esteem". But for those whose lives were directly affected by the Prop 8 vote, in their esteem, they had every right because we put on hearts and souls into the ruckus. You enter the fight, you suffer the blows. They hit hard but I am sure, in their esteem, they hit fairly.
So, I suspect you wonder my opinion. Well, since this one directly affected my life as my family is a avid watcher of Big Love and thus, that would require my "two cents" after the episode aired to speak to the portrayal of something I have great reverence for to my daughters I cherish so much, here it goes.
The producers of Big Love hit a low blow. They didn’t have to do what they did. With that being said, they could have done it a ton worse way but even still, too low for my liking. They handled the reverence and importance of it well enough but the portion of the ceremony that they exposed clearly stated their intent, and for that, I am seriously disappointed. I will probably wean myself from the show.
But here’s my opinion on our actions. If you choose to enter the fight be mindful of the consequences and for goodness sakes, do not underestimate your role. That will only fuel the fire and make the battle last much longer than it ever would have in the first place. And above all else, find a peaceful and gospel centered resolve without further fueling the fire. Suggesting removing a subscription to AOL is ludicrous. To follow that logic would be equal to saying we must all remove or cease viewing anything on Youtube, which has much more sacred content on it then Big Love ever showed. Does it make sense?
Here’s the thing. Hardly anyone watched Big Love prior to the controversy and the only reason anyone really knew what was going on is because we put a disclaimer on our web site. It was picked up by the National Press and became a big deal. Even the church in its press release commented that it was to just be let go but by then the momentum had begun.
So, my opinion. Much ado about nothing. The shows aired, did the church crumple and die, are testimonies shaken? Some maybe, mine not. My daughters take on the whole thing; "weird getup Mom and not so bizarre, not as much as I thought".
People, we are in the last days. Get used to having your faith tested and put under trial; over and over again. The reality is that there will always be people who don’t like us, they will undermine us and they will, oh my gosh, maybe even lie but the reality is we aren’t normal. We never have been and probably never will be and demanding others to accept us just isn’t always going to be in the cards.
If we really want to make this work, as a people, we must live our lives without apologies and still maintain the respect that others have that same right. You know the article of faith I am talking about. We must have no judgment, no critics, and no self righteousness. We cannot assert that we have the only answers and everyone else is wrong. Now is not the time to be stubborn and lose our purpose. Open your heart and your mind and strengthen your testimony with a resolve to be peaceful and have an honest and giving heart. Isn’t that really what the Savior’s message is all about?
Monday, March 9, 2009
Breathe
"Breathe, Let go, and remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
Oprah Winfrey
My asthma has flared up in a way that I haven't felt since I was a little girl. Breathing is so hard and the coughing, oh my gosh, I feel like there is nothing left to cough up. I really dislike this and I wish with all my heart that this would resolve itself.
I know when I am not well because my Rocky hovers and starts to lick my feet incessantly. It drives me crazy and makes me stop and think, what can I do?
My Bishop came over yesterday with his youngest son to give me a blessing. I love blessings because they always address the needs that are most in my heart. I can't control my asthma but I can control my stress. He relieved much of my stress.
I wish I could a take a big breath and just relax but right now, that's just not possible. I believe with all my heart that struggles are meant to help us and that finding the strength endure will only make you stronger.
Last night, as the coughing got really bad and the pity party was rising to the surface, I stopped and thought; live right now and think that this too will pass, it will end and I will return to breathing normally again. I need to keep focused on getting through now and not worried about all the other things that may seem impossible.
Oprah Winfrey
My asthma has flared up in a way that I haven't felt since I was a little girl. Breathing is so hard and the coughing, oh my gosh, I feel like there is nothing left to cough up. I really dislike this and I wish with all my heart that this would resolve itself.
I know when I am not well because my Rocky hovers and starts to lick my feet incessantly. It drives me crazy and makes me stop and think, what can I do?
My Bishop came over yesterday with his youngest son to give me a blessing. I love blessings because they always address the needs that are most in my heart. I can't control my asthma but I can control my stress. He relieved much of my stress.
I wish I could a take a big breath and just relax but right now, that's just not possible. I believe with all my heart that struggles are meant to help us and that finding the strength endure will only make you stronger.
Last night, as the coughing got really bad and the pity party was rising to the surface, I stopped and thought; live right now and think that this too will pass, it will end and I will return to breathing normally again. I need to keep focused on getting through now and not worried about all the other things that may seem impossible.
Friday, March 6, 2009
Father Time
"Father Time is not always a hard parent, and, though he tarries for none of his children, often lays his hand lightly upon those who have used him well; making them old men and women inexorably enough, but leaving their hearts and spirits young and in full vigour. With such people the grey head is but the impression of the old fellow's hand in giving them his blessing, and every wrinkle but a notch in the quiet calendar of a well-spent life."
~Charles Dickens
I had the coolest life lesson today that I would love to share with you. I was rushing to get home early this afternoon so that I could go to the Dr' and get some help for my asthma. It was bitterly cold and the air was tugging and shutting down my breathing. The medication I am on is making me incredibly cranky and by the time I hit the Ctrain platform I had had enough.
Fate was smiling because no sooner had I reached the platform then a Somerset train pulled up. I walked towards the train and there slowly pacing in front of me was the most adorable old couple walking hand in hand to the door of the train. I passed by them but knew that it was polite to let them in first to insure that they got a seat. As the door opened a bunch of obnoxious teenagers exited the train loudly and with foul language. This is so common now and I could see the discomfort of this couple who were clearly in their late 70 or early 80's.
They sat in the long bench's designated for seniors and I sat across from them. The train soon emptied and just as we were leaving the downtown I started to cough. I knew that I was having trouble because I was whistling as I coughed which is a clear sign I needed the Ventolin treatment soon. The older woman was smiling at me, reached into her pocket and asked if I would like a "Riccola". I explained that it wasn't a cough but Asthma and her husband then explained that he had suffered from it as a young man but moved here to Calgary and hadn't had trouble since. He explained that he came here in 1952 she then said that she had been born in Calgary.
We had a remarkable conversation about Calgary and about generations. They spoke of the disappointment in the young generation and that the world had changed so much since they were young. They were worried and yet had hope. Was this recession going to make a difference in the attitudes of a generation that feels so entitled. Hardships always give character and what the kids are facing now is daunting.
There was no doubt that this man loved this woman and that they had ridden the train to a Dr's appointment downtown. I didn't ask why, it was none of my business but I knew that they represented so much of what is good about their generation. It made me think about my own Father and how much I admire him and just how much I miss my Mom.
Though my Asthma is a nuisance it is manageable. I have a lot of living left to do and I am so grateful for parents who raised me so well and for kids who , in turn, learned the same lessons I was taught and respect the aged. They offer so much in wisdom and learning.
By the time they got off at the Heritage station to go to the house they had moved in to on the day they got married I was so thankful for the opportunity to have met them and for the sharing of their story. What an honor.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see."
Henry David Thoreau
When I was a teenager I witnessed a very bad accident. One driver was clearly at fault and when the police arrived on scene they took my name and number and a statement. I had never been involved in anything like that before so I had assumed that my involvement was done.
A few months later, while away at school, I received a phone call from a lawyer representing the innocent driver. We discussed what I had witnessed and in the discussion I had remembered that the walk sign was flashing and that 16 counts had gone by, and that at 15 the light turns yellow. He asked how I knew this and I explained that an old boyfriend and I used to play a silly game that involved those counts. The lawyer checked it out and ultimately proved his case. When he called me to say that I would not be required to testify he mentioned that following something so inconsequential had been almost the deciding factor in his case. He asked if I noticed small details like that all the time, I couldn’t even answer him because I wasn’t sure, I mean little stuff like that is always running through my head.
This brings me to another point. D sees so much more in everyday life. When he was a little boy and we would go see the pediatrician he would look out the window of the doctor’s office and find a MacDonald’s signs and a Wendy’s signs, colors of roofs and roads that we had just driven. Remember here that this was when he was 3 and four years old. It was crazy. It was what eventually would lead to his ADD diagnosis. So if the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, which I believe it does in this case, maybe having ADD can be a good thing if utilized properly.
What am I on about?
We may think that we are looking at is all that we see but when we stop and really think, how much more is there that either we missed or didn’t really think to catalog in our minds? Another point; how much of our minds are cluttered by the little things?
I have been really contemplating this thought. I have tried to simplify and declutter my life. I really work on just making the important things important and not worry so much about the little things that seem to litter the path of living. I mean, come on, walk on over them or even better, pick em’ up and clear the path for the next guy. Breaking whatever cycle that causes heartache and dysfunction is a good thing for everyone involved.
In the old life, so much time was spent just arguing over the things that in the end simply didn’t make a difference. What difference does it make if in your scripture reading you reading a chapter a day? Hey, just let the book open randomly and have a heartfelt discussion on the scripture at hand. Rules are important but the spirit of the law can sometimes open doors that the letter of just simply slams shut. In the end, the war over the letter of the law can just take the spirit of it and close it right down.
I think that is why, when I see those "letter of the law" people in church on Sunday who puff themselves up and sound so "knowledgeable" as they hear themselves talk and answer questions in Sunday School, I get so jaded and find Sunday School so hard. What would be like if we could just open up and have a discussion about the realities of life and not just the expectations? I mean, come on, do we really have to hear the same two guys answer all the questions? Does anyone else have anything to say? And here is the part that gets me, when the quiet ones finally do get the nerve to say anything, they are usually shut down so fast or their comment discarded in an unrighteous fashion that it makes my heart bleed and I know why that person will never speak up again.
Here is an example. A few years back we were having a lesson on the New Testament. We were discussing the relative relationship between Mary and Joseph. Were they indeed, cousins? I have, in my scriptures, pages from my university professor that are inserted throughout my scriptures. I put my hand up and then read, from those inserts a direct quote from one of the General Authorities addressing that very issue. The Sunday school teacher looked at me and then commented "I doubt that’s true!" and then dismissed me. Do you think that I have ever raised my voice again in class? Yeah, I know, I am the fool for letting this slight affect me so much but the reality is that the older generation would rather hear themselves espouse the scriptures then hear the comments of the ones who most probably have a very important and fresh point of view. And they wonder why so many young people are leaving the church?
One of the hardest things I do every week is attend the other two sessions of Sunday services. I find that open and honest dialect is not welcome any more in our church. With the way the world is now, the time is at hand that we open these meetings up and we approach the hard subjects and we address the needs of all the members in stead of simply losing more and more to inactivity. I’m tired of watching my friends leave. I miss them. Maybe someone asks a stupid question or makes a comment that challenges but instead of dismissing these lets open it up and discuss and find answers or at least suggestions so that we can all enjoy church and not just the few who, if you ask them, already know and have the answers anyway.
Henry David Thoreau
When I was a teenager I witnessed a very bad accident. One driver was clearly at fault and when the police arrived on scene they took my name and number and a statement. I had never been involved in anything like that before so I had assumed that my involvement was done.
A few months later, while away at school, I received a phone call from a lawyer representing the innocent driver. We discussed what I had witnessed and in the discussion I had remembered that the walk sign was flashing and that 16 counts had gone by, and that at 15 the light turns yellow. He asked how I knew this and I explained that an old boyfriend and I used to play a silly game that involved those counts. The lawyer checked it out and ultimately proved his case. When he called me to say that I would not be required to testify he mentioned that following something so inconsequential had been almost the deciding factor in his case. He asked if I noticed small details like that all the time, I couldn’t even answer him because I wasn’t sure, I mean little stuff like that is always running through my head.
This brings me to another point. D sees so much more in everyday life. When he was a little boy and we would go see the pediatrician he would look out the window of the doctor’s office and find a MacDonald’s signs and a Wendy’s signs, colors of roofs and roads that we had just driven. Remember here that this was when he was 3 and four years old. It was crazy. It was what eventually would lead to his ADD diagnosis. So if the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, which I believe it does in this case, maybe having ADD can be a good thing if utilized properly.
What am I on about?
We may think that we are looking at is all that we see but when we stop and really think, how much more is there that either we missed or didn’t really think to catalog in our minds? Another point; how much of our minds are cluttered by the little things?
I have been really contemplating this thought. I have tried to simplify and declutter my life. I really work on just making the important things important and not worry so much about the little things that seem to litter the path of living. I mean, come on, walk on over them or even better, pick em’ up and clear the path for the next guy. Breaking whatever cycle that causes heartache and dysfunction is a good thing for everyone involved.
In the old life, so much time was spent just arguing over the things that in the end simply didn’t make a difference. What difference does it make if in your scripture reading you reading a chapter a day? Hey, just let the book open randomly and have a heartfelt discussion on the scripture at hand. Rules are important but the spirit of the law can sometimes open doors that the letter of just simply slams shut. In the end, the war over the letter of the law can just take the spirit of it and close it right down.
I think that is why, when I see those "letter of the law" people in church on Sunday who puff themselves up and sound so "knowledgeable" as they hear themselves talk and answer questions in Sunday School, I get so jaded and find Sunday School so hard. What would be like if we could just open up and have a discussion about the realities of life and not just the expectations? I mean, come on, do we really have to hear the same two guys answer all the questions? Does anyone else have anything to say? And here is the part that gets me, when the quiet ones finally do get the nerve to say anything, they are usually shut down so fast or their comment discarded in an unrighteous fashion that it makes my heart bleed and I know why that person will never speak up again.
Here is an example. A few years back we were having a lesson on the New Testament. We were discussing the relative relationship between Mary and Joseph. Were they indeed, cousins? I have, in my scriptures, pages from my university professor that are inserted throughout my scriptures. I put my hand up and then read, from those inserts a direct quote from one of the General Authorities addressing that very issue. The Sunday school teacher looked at me and then commented "I doubt that’s true!" and then dismissed me. Do you think that I have ever raised my voice again in class? Yeah, I know, I am the fool for letting this slight affect me so much but the reality is that the older generation would rather hear themselves espouse the scriptures then hear the comments of the ones who most probably have a very important and fresh point of view. And they wonder why so many young people are leaving the church?
One of the hardest things I do every week is attend the other two sessions of Sunday services. I find that open and honest dialect is not welcome any more in our church. With the way the world is now, the time is at hand that we open these meetings up and we approach the hard subjects and we address the needs of all the members in stead of simply losing more and more to inactivity. I’m tired of watching my friends leave. I miss them. Maybe someone asks a stupid question or makes a comment that challenges but instead of dismissing these lets open it up and discuss and find answers or at least suggestions so that we can all enjoy church and not just the few who, if you ask them, already know and have the answers anyway.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Always
"Always fall in with what you're asked to accept. Take what is given, and make it over your way. My aim in life has always been to hold my own with whatever's going. Not against: with."
~ Robert Frost-
There are so many times when I have asked the question; why? Especially the why me? You know that time when you skirt self pity and the party is just waiting to happen. It's inevitable that we all, at some point in our lifes, have a pity party. It's human nature.
It's what you do at the party that can make or break you. Sure, life sucks. I can name a dozen reasons why I should give up. Heck, I can give a thousand reasons why some of my friends should start giving up but it doesn't prove anything except that the realizing the end just wasn't real.
I can't even tell you my end point but what I can tell you is of my journey. Whenever I have worked against the grain the effort has always proven pointless. Trust me when I say that I have and probably will again do this. What I have learned is to trust my instinct. Even when something is hard, if I pray and seek help, He has always offered His help. It sometimes comes in the strangest and most obscure way but always the journey, in the end seems worth it.
So when my life seems completely twisted and turned upside down what I do, or at least try to do, is find reason. The reason may not make a whole ton of sense but it always enlightens me when it has completely unfolded. It's in the trusting that I grow the most. I think that would be the spiritual definition of faith.
Who'd of thunk that I could define faith. Go figure.
~ Robert Frost-
There are so many times when I have asked the question; why? Especially the why me? You know that time when you skirt self pity and the party is just waiting to happen. It's inevitable that we all, at some point in our lifes, have a pity party. It's human nature.
It's what you do at the party that can make or break you. Sure, life sucks. I can name a dozen reasons why I should give up. Heck, I can give a thousand reasons why some of my friends should start giving up but it doesn't prove anything except that the realizing the end just wasn't real.
I can't even tell you my end point but what I can tell you is of my journey. Whenever I have worked against the grain the effort has always proven pointless. Trust me when I say that I have and probably will again do this. What I have learned is to trust my instinct. Even when something is hard, if I pray and seek help, He has always offered His help. It sometimes comes in the strangest and most obscure way but always the journey, in the end seems worth it.
So when my life seems completely twisted and turned upside down what I do, or at least try to do, is find reason. The reason may not make a whole ton of sense but it always enlightens me when it has completely unfolded. It's in the trusting that I grow the most. I think that would be the spiritual definition of faith.
Who'd of thunk that I could define faith. Go figure.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Embracing Others
"With . . . joy I claim the legacies of today's modern-day Church pioneers who live in every nation and whose own stories of perseverance, faith, and sacrifice add glorious new verses to the great chorus of the latter-day anthem of the kingdom of God. . . .
"We honor and respect sincere souls from all religious, no matter where or when they lived, who have loved God, even without having the fullness of the gospel. We lift our voices in gratitude for their selflessness and courage. We embrace them as brothers and sisters, children of our Heavenly Father.
"We believe that it is a fundamental human right to worship 'Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may' (Articles of Faith 1:11)."
"We honor and respect sincere souls from all religious, no matter where or when they lived, who have loved God, even without having the fullness of the gospel. We lift our voices in gratitude for their selflessness and courage. We embrace them as brothers and sisters, children of our Heavenly Father.
"We believe that it is a fundamental human right to worship 'Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may' (Articles of Faith 1:11)."
~ Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Sometimes as a culture we tend to forget that we can be exclusive and over bearing. It isn't until Non members are comfortable with you that they will tell you what they really think about members. It can sometimes be not so pretty and if you think hard enough you will realize that it isn't all cotton candy out there. Sure, we are not nearly as persecuted as the early pioneers were and I have no doubt that because of our early history and maybe some fear we choose to stay away from what some may consider the "world".
Having to go out and work and participate in the "world" as enlightened me to my role as a member in it. My values have been challenged and I believe that those that know me know where I stand. I make no excuses. I do not believe in absolutes. I believe in harmony which I believe is entirely possible in the living of a LDS life.
So here's something to think about. Why not embrace that as much as you have the right to practise and live the LDS faith that those who choose another faith have the same and enduring right and that respecting it and not criticising it might just be beneficial to a more harmonious living. Maybe then, the feeling that we are exclusive and judgemental might be purged and that we can gain more respect amongst our peers.