Women are Never Stronger

“Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weaknesses”

Madame Marie du Deffand

Do you understand the physical purpose of fasting? The spiritual is easy; it's about trust, faith and dedication but the physical reasons to fasting are to bring your body to a physical weakness so the spirit can abide and be heard.

In this case, weakness is a good thing. The world would have us believe that weakness equals less or inferiority. I know people who would no sooner let you see the softer, weaker side of themselves because they believe that in that it would make them not "perfect" in your eyes. I am sad for that thought process. I almost got sucked in.

One important aspect of my journey was a time when a loving Bishop decided that I needed to be aware of the things in my life that were interfering with my eternal progression. I remember the conversation we had and I remember as I walked into his office the spirit bearing a silent witness that what was about to happen would change my life.

It DID.

He walked me through my life and pointed out every weakness that I had and that what I was doing to my family was wrong! He wasn't kind about it. He needed me to understand what was my part to own in the dissolving of my marriage and what I was doing to my kids. I walked into the office a very fragile and abused women and walked out of it broken.

Yeah, I know, brutal. But wait, there's more.

I went for a drive after, sobbing and trying to understand why he was doing this to me. What had I done? I pulled over to the ridge overlooking Fish Creek and began to pray. More than I had ever prayed in a very long time. It started. It didn't happen all at once, but gradually I began to feel the spirit and an overwhelming sense of peace. My answer was to return to the Bishop and talk.

The next night I walked into his office and simply said. "What do I need to do to change this?" His answer was simple. Repent. "How?", I said and the process began.

That man walked me through a journey of forgiveness and resolution that brought me closer to my children and myself. I believe he wanted M to be a part of it but that is another story. I can look in my kids eyes and know that they have forgiven me. I can feel my Savior's love and understand the atonement in a way that can only be described as peace to your very soul.

I needed that journey. Without it and I would still be very lost and forgotten.

My kids tell me all the time that they have forgiven me. How can I ever repay them for that.

How can I ever repay my Savior for his gift to me?

Wait..... there is a way.

I must not let his atonement be wasted.

I must forgive.

I am almost there. I can feel it.

My weaknesses are now very much my strengths. I arm myself with them to truly understand my divine destiny. Because I know where I falter I recognise the fracture of a broken life and steer clear. I know when I need faith.

I always need faith.