Viewpoints to Reality

"The human mind, in its desire to know, understand, and control, mistakes its opinions and viewpoints for the truth. It says; this is how it is. You have to be larger than thought to realize that however you interpret "your life" or someone else’s life or behavior, however you judge any situation, it is no more than a viewpoint, one of many possible perspectives. It is no more than a bundle of thoughts. But reality is one unified whole, in which all things are interwoven, where nothing exists by itself."

Eckhart Toille

There I go, thinking deep again. There is something about Eckhart Toille’s writings that rings familiar to my soul and the more I read by him the more I understand the reasons why I want to be Mormon and be strong without placing judgment on others. Somehow his words make it understandable to be so wronged by a culture and yet feel the need to have that faith in my life. Yeah, I know; doesn’t make much sense, but wait, let me try to explain.

The struggle of being Mormon for me is not in the doctrines or the principles of the gospel. It remains in the culture.

My divorce has devalued me in it and now, more than at anytime, church can be very lonely. There isn’t a Sunday where I don’t allow myself to feel judged. Now wait; read those words again. I AM ALLOWING the judgment. It may not even be there, it is me that brings those feelings in.

People who have known me my whole life stopped speaking to me when I left M. One woman, who would converse and was very friendly with me prior now will turn and walk away if I am in a hallway she has to go down. But why is that happening. Is it a snub or does she not know what to say or how to feel?

At first, this bothered me. Now, I am coming to terms that there are all sorts of people who have all sorts of different reactions and to know why their actions are what they are is just not something that is ever going to be easy for me to grasp.

What if some of the truth lies within my own behavior?

I may never understand why being single by choice because being married was so destructive changes your abilities to serve or befriend people at church but I am going to do everything in my power to make sure it doesn’t change me and how I treat people. Maybe what I need to do is start trying to reach out to those who may be uncomfortable with me now and make it easier for them to feel safe around the single soul that I am.

I was thinking the other day, as one particular sister almost looked like she was going to die having to be near the singles; "what is it that makes you so uncomfortable around us?" A soft and calming voice whispered to my soul; "because there by the grace of God go I".

AHA moment. Sometimes in this life I live it is closer than some may want it to ever be.