We Only Become.

We only become what we are by the radical and deep-seated refusal of that which others have made of us.

Jean-Paul Sartre

I made a choice today. They are getting easier. To nap or to Blog? Guess which one I made?

I have sat on this quote for a bit of time, only because I wasn't quite sure of my take on it. By definition , people come to know us by the time of their interactions with us. Those who know us well are the ones who have spent the most amount of time with us but then their opinions are skewed by their personal perceptions. Meaning, what they bring to the table.

Well, for that matter, everyone we meet comes to the table with those prejudices. I guess the goal in life is to come to the table free of the prejudices and just be Christ like in our perspectives.

In life, we have a number of choices. We can become what the gossip says we are or we can live to what we know we are inside.

An example.

I know a women who was a bit of a wild girl when she was in high school 40 years ago. Most of what was out there was shear gossip but for all intents and purposes she was a pretty awesome person. She married an incredible guy in the Temple and now has 4 grown children, 2 grandchildren and is one of the happiest married ladies I know. I was part of a conversation where the people were speaking about one of her kids and a gentleman (and I use that term lightly!) made the connection between this young women and my friend as mother and daughter. He then said that he knew my friend from high school and she is such a slut. (sorry, no other word to replace it that would make it any less offensive)

I was shocked. 40 years had gone by. Marriage in the temple, 4 children. My gosh, even grandchildren. Years of service in the church in all sorts of leadership positions and still...... 40 years later, this moron refers to her as if she was still 17. I almost lost it but I didn't. What would have been the point. People like him don't want to know the truth.

What has made me so proud is that my friend has lived with all of this gossip and innuendo for many years and has never tried to explain herself or throw stones back.

I use her example to my precious daughters all the time but still. Is this kind of thinking not against all that we know to be true of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

When M and I were divorcing we were asked to only share with our tight circle of support. I have stuck to that for the most part except for when I have been confronted by those who are angry because M just never did. He told complete strangers, ward members, anyone who would listen and it never fails that I still get confronted with it. People can be openly hostile because the only truth they know or think they know is what M has told them. For a long time I have felt so hurt by this. It has been a huge stumbling block. It can make church one of the most uncomfortable places to be.

I now live my life to what I know for myself. It's like this quote has taken on new meaning. I will be what I know for myself. You may have some notion of what you think I am but my life and the way I live it will always be a testament to my truth and knowledge and dedication to the gospel I love and adore.

So hey, you may have heard that I wasn't righteous enough or didn't support enough or for heaven's sake didn't like reading the scriptures or swore or my gosh, I could go on for hours but the truth lies in what I do day to day.

My days are filled with family, friends, church, people, work etc. I wake up each morning happier, healthier and more alive. There is recovery from emotional abuse. My children and I are examples of that. No one can define us into oblivion.

WE ARE FAMILY by our own definition!