My Lamp!

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

I am resolved to realize that time is the only healer of a broken heart. Sometimes as women we give so much of ourselves away that way to late we realize we have nothing left for ourselves. I have realized that it is time to rebuild and restore my lamp.

Sometimes we need to take an inventory of our lives and purge that which takes too much from our storage. Where I work, this is the time of year where we evaluate all that we have done this year and work at a plan for the future year. We have a strict policy of 2 for 1 which means that any project to go forward must produce 2 dollars for every 1 dollar spent. This policy is iron clad and results in many projects that are shelved. The only comprise comes from a change in the 2:1 numbers as a result of economical change or a re-evaluation of the purpose of the project. Very rarely does an exception go by, I have yet to see one.

The result of this planning is a fiscal and solvent company in the worst of economic times. We can weather storms better than other company because we don’t extend ourselves. This policy has brought our company through two very big scares intact. The practicality of this policy is transparent and has purpose.

So what am I on about?

I adore solitude. I scare myself sometimes because when I am alone I can manage my thoughts and my actions become consistent with my values. I have been taking the small opportunities to be in solitude to work through how I can help my kids and myself through the challenges that we face. I had some awesome talks with my son and daughters these past few weeks and I was able to express opinions that didn’t challenge my inner convictions and I was comfortable with what was said as they too expressed their opinions.

They will be making life changing decisions and they are more prepared than ever. My role is to accept these decisions, even if they cause me great anguish, because they have the right to make them. I cannot protect them from the outside world and I would not be a loving and nurturing mother if I didn’t realize that after this time of turmoil that I too need to time out and regroup.

The 2:1 here is purging and prioritizing life. I gave my kids the facts as I see them. They, in turn, gave me their facts. I had always assumed that what was required was to always encourage relationships. Without judgement, I simply asked. “What is the 2:1 on that relationship?” The answer was clear. I confirmed my support, in whatever decision was made, and spoke of my great love and admiration for ALL of them.

And then it was time for my own evaluation. I too must purge and prioritize, as painful as it is. My lamp must always have oil because the bridegroom, (no, that’s not some corny analogy, read the New Testament please), is coming. My vessel is weak and I need to be strong.... for my kids, and their kids, and their kids, if God grants me that grace.

The fundamental difference between my companies 2:1 policy and my life’s policy is in life the statistics skew the other way. I have taught my kids and follow this myself. That for every 2 you give the reward should put you At One with yourself, your God and the universe!