Quality of Intent

“What is the quality of your intent?

Certain people have a way of saying things that shake us at the core. Even when the words do not seem harsh or offensive, the impact is shattering. What we could be experiencing is the intent behind the words. When we intend to do good, we do. When we intend to do harm, it happens. What each of us must come to realize is that our intent always comes through. We cannot sugarcoat the feelings in our heart of hearts. The emotion is the energy that motivates. We cannot ignore what we really want to create. We should be honest and do it the way we feel it. What we owe to ourselves and everyone around is to examine the reasons of our true intent. ~ Thurgood Marshall

I have thought a lot about this quote. I wondered if this could be a blanket statement for anyone, that in fact all words could be judged from the intent and not the content. Really? I think the spoken word for sure.

I remember a time when I was asked by a friend to be with her as she spoke to her ex spouse about an issue that was very volatile. I was scared but I knew that she would have been with me if asked the same favor so I said yes.

Her ex showed up angry and demanding until he saw me come from behind a door. His demeanor changed but his words were still much fueled filled. The level of tone in his voice said it all and as I witnessed the exchange I realized that he and she were so engrossed in the feelings of their split up that they had lost the purpose of their conversation. He was no guiltier the she was. It was like they were burying each other without even understanding just what it was they were doing to their kids.

It was hard to watch and hear and brought back so many difficult memories that I walked away in tears. I had lost my temper at them and told them both what I felt. The level of emotion was high but what caught me was the intent of the words, especially his. He was out to hurt her and said things that only he knew would cause her harm. Like I said, when he called into question his step daughter’s morality after only moments before naming all the women he had slept with only to hurt my friend, I learned a deep and abiding lesson about words and the weapons that we can turn them into.

I have had plenty of disagreements in my time. I have a weakness that only those very close to me know and when they attack me on it, it can most advantageously drop me to my knees. The pain is deep and the intent, purposeful. As I deal with others, especially those that I am disagreeing with, I try now, very hard, to not let my anger slip into the intent of my words. It’s hard, especially with my written word.

I measure before I speak, I think about the words and the use of them. I have also learned to sense the intent of others and find myself steering clear of those that use intent to harm people.

I admire those whose words and action remain consistent. They are few and far between. A good example is Eckhart Toile. As you read his words, the peace that is the intent rests beside them and you feel calmness, a sense of completeness. There are others as well, certain authors of the BOM, the bible, Jane Urquhart – a new Canadian author has a sense of lyric to her words and you read her novels just to feel the rhythm of her novels. There are people too. A Sister P who is a convert exudes peace and serenity when she speaks; I love her energy and calmness. When she joined the church I saw in her the promise of all that being Momo meant. She still is this way; it’s a dream of mine to find myself like her in any way.

Lately, a seething resentment has surfaced at the unfairness and lack of justice this Momo world can have. I have learned to fight it and force it back down. It is when it is near the surface that I find the intent of my words originating from the wrong sphere. I retreat and cave and relearn and when I am ready I return, hopefully to be a better person.

"There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together. ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow"