After Thoughts

So, I managed to get through my nerves and go to church. I am so grateful for W and for his patience and understanding. As we sat on the bench reserved for those of us not quite measuring up a new sister came and sat beside me. She asked me if I was D's Mom and talked of sitting with him on the way up to Edmonton for the World Skills competition. She spoke about how amazing he was and as I sat and listened I knew that this was a way for me to know I do need to hear the good instead of all the bad.

The testimony meeting was predictable, except for the second last testimony. A sister who was visiting had gotten up and made her way to the podium. She began by saying that she was a convert of over 40 years, that she grew up around here and that she was visiting her sister who was not a member but lived directly beside the Stake Centre. She told of her Jewish roots and then spoke about her husband, the man in the Leather jacket and jeans. She then told a history that made me realize why I was there, why I need to get over myself and belong because I have a right to belong.

40 years earlier, she and her husband eloped because back then, Jewish girls didn't marry "jack Mormon" boys. They landed in Provo and decided on a whim to go to church one day. They were hard living people and smelled of their vices and when they went to sit down, people actually moved away from them. She was devastated and he was thinking, 'I told you so". As the meeting progressed and her resentment deepened she was sure that she would never return. The meeting ended and an older gentlemen came towards them. He apologized for those who had moved away and said that Sacrament was for those less perfect not for those who saw themselves as perfect, that they belonged there and could they give it another chance. She spoke of how this older man changed that whole meeting for them and how his single act of kindness changed the direction of their lives. They had been active for over 40 years, raised their children in the church and held many callings all because one person stepped up, in spite of the ostracizing of the others.

For that testimony alone I was there. To hear that everyone belongs and though many may feel differently, one can make a difference. So, here I am, still hurting and still trying but I need to be grateful for what I do have. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have to.