Some Things Don't Matter

"You know, some things don’t matter that much Lily. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting a person’s heart – now that matters."
August – The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

If I hadn’t already said this, which I believe I already have in previous entry, I love to read.

Now, you can’t categorize what it is I like because it ranges from Dan Brown’s "Digital Fortress" to Jane Austen’s anything. What it is I love about reading is the lyrical nature of the words and the message they bring.

Messages are the most important part of it and they can be found as blatantly as in a title to a simple sentence addressed by a character in the novel, like the above quote.

So what am I on about?

There I was, finished my morning musings to the Big Guy while I was riding the blessed CTrain. (I doubt I will ever develop a fondness for that mode of transportation!) And I began to read my current novel; " The Secret Lives of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd.

Yeah, I know it’s been made into a movie. No, I haven’t seen it yet and yes, I will probably go once I am finished reading the book. This book has one of my favorite formats for a novel. Conflict and struggles hidden amongst the everyday living of average people. I loved "To Kill a Mocking Bird" by Harper Lee so anything familiarly close to that becomes of interest to me as this one did. Besides…. It’s the book club read so two stones with one bird here.

I have been enjoying it so much. I haven’t had a ton of time for novel reads so this is one book that truly is taking me away in its adventure and I get quite caught up in it. I almost missed my stop last night as I had gotten to a very pivotal part of the novel.

This morning, as I was reading, it happened. Words, that when combined together so effortlessly and beautifully bring my mind to a stand still and causes it to reflect…. Deeply.

The above words from the novel did just that. In-between the 39th Ave and Erlton station on the south leg of the Calgary Transit CTrain line, my mind paused and I reflected and had another AHA moment. Go figure.

What did my mind repeat; "THIS I BELIEVE. THIS I PRACTISE."

After pondering it, I thought, "this is truth revealed to witness how much I have changed". I really have rediscovered in my life a way to make the things that should matter mean something and purge the mundane little things to exactly where they belong.

If I wondered, at incidence at church brought it to light.

One of D. friends came to me and was bitterly complaining that I was allowing D. to do something on a Sunday that he felt, or maybe better stated, that his family felt was inappropriate for that day.

Without even flinching I turned to the young man and said " How could anybody ever judge how perfect you are if others aren’t allowed to do imperfect things that you can be compared to?"

The young man was stunned. Now please, understand, I wasn't trying to be rude. I just wanted this young man to understand that D made that choice and it was his alone. In hind sight, I probably could have elaborated a bit better and probably should have.

There are people who will never be able to understand the dynamics of my family and the way that decisions have to be made now. Because, for so very long, choice was not afforded, valiant spirits fought back and inappropriate choices were made. Through counseling, I have been told to allow my kids to make even wrong choices, but to follow through and council with them so as to inform them of all that is available to them. Most importantly, however, to understand that the choice is theirs to make, especially at the ages they are.

When D got home, we talked. A heartfelt, sincere discussion ensued and we have committed to try and be more willing to follow the principles’ we love. I cannot force anything on my kids. I can gently lead them. At some point, they lead themselves, hopefully in peace and harmony to their own truths.

Yeah, in most Mormon eyes I will never win "Mother of the Year" award. So be it.

In the eyes of my children though, I am trying and they respect that.

There is no failure in the effort to succeed, only in the refusal to ever move forward in faith knowing that sometimes the outcome can’t be predicted.

My children and I love each other, the way the Savior would expect us to. Their knowing that my love is not contingent on their choices but on their beings gives them a self worth that enables them to be safe and secure. Their choices then are not blurred by a desire to find something that is missing because I have failed to give them it. They have unconditional love.

That is what a parent must do.