Opinion or Apostacy?

“So oft in theologic wars,
The disputants, I ween,
Rail on in utter ignorance
Of what each other mean,
And prate about an Elephant
Not one of them has seen!” ~ John Godfrey Saxe

How do I get myself into these messes, wait, I remember now. My Bishop told me to quit being silent. I have an important voice with something that needs to be heard. “Don’t be such a coward”; he said. It’s one thing to blog about it but quite another to raise your voice and speak. Well, I have tried twice now and been burned so I’m thinking… hmfffph! What gives?

Move forward a few weeks, first burn more than accomplished, I survived. Someone sends me a link to a petition for temple weddings. Now wait, don’t judge to quickly. It’s not about allowing non members into our temples. It’s just about allowing a civil union prior to a temple wedding for those members of the family who can’t be there. A practice I should say that 95% of members all around the world do. Here’s the thing, I really don’t have that militant or strong a song on it, really. I haven’t even signed the petition.

So, I get another link to a string on the site that someone felt applied to me. This person who sent it is not a non-member, not even of an apostate nature but rather a wonderful member in excellent standing. I have not included all the posts, nor am I going to. I fundamentally have a huge problem with most of the sites that are set up and then used by both sides of an argument to bash each other which then results in name calling, back biting and in the end, the issue is lost. I don’t go there, won’t go there, and generally just stay away. What is the scripture about contention? Contention is probably the reason I blog so much and say so little. Isn’t easier to write then speak and chance the contention coming at you all at once. I know, just say it – COWARD.

So anyway – see below string:

POST:
Do you any of you really believe the church will change because of a Petition? If you think that you don't understand anything about the church.

Number of posts from many people excluded here for content purposes (people bashing);

SL-H (me): okay - short version. Ex abused kids - works in temple, married again there and told kids - weren't worthy so don't bother - feelings very hurt. My turn, kids were looking to me to say - they had value even if Dad said they didn't. What's one year, well, just make that choice and have just about the entire culture determine your value and drop you down to the lowest rung because you said - it's okay, my family is important. I am not apostate, nor am I angry - I just wish that I had had a choice. My children have suffered enough at the hands of this "stalwart" temple going man. This year of being ostracized isn't pleasant and making a decision to put my kids first has been hard BUT WORTH IT. I can't imagine a new convert having to make that choice. If someone is worthy why is it okay to marry the same or next day in other countries and not ours? Black and white or grey - that seems to be the bottom line. And what's more, the judgment is so brutal. I love the gospel but this journey I have been on, after 50 years of being nothing but strong, and I mean RS presidency, YW president, Primary president - all of it and yet I couldn't have my already injured kids think that they didn't mean enough to me and then leave them out of the happiest day of my new and healed life. My new beautiful and wonderful husband and I are waiting a year and my testimony has never been challenged as much not because of the decision but because of the judgment leveled by people who think that because I have an opinion like this and made the choice I did I must be apostate, wow. Thank goodness for the few who have embraced me and helped me through. All I have to say! Think twice (name with held), until you walk those shoes, really, can you really know the hearts of those who sign?

Yesterday at 13:31 • NAME WITH HELD: Why does everyone assume the title apostate applies to them? Guilt? There are real apostates and some have responded to this thread. Otherwise why are people so ready to take the title on themselves? When I mention apostates I mean apostates not members who disagree.

Yesterday at 14:25 • (NAME WITH HELD 2) Maybe you should have been more specific or elaborated more.
"Interesting how many apostates think they should have a say in this."
Kind of sounded pretty general.

Yesterday at 17:10 • (NAME WITH HELD 3) No, (name with held) , you've been very clear that somehow if members support this petition that they are in disagreeing with the GA's, if you disagree with the GA's your considered apostate in some circles. Now if you want to get into the technical definition of what an apostate is or is not, then you are absolutely correct, most of these posters are not considered apostate. But we use the word to brand anyone who disagrees with the party line as apostate in certain groups in the LDS church. Glad you don’t feel that way, but your tone and posts have perhaps implied that there is something wrong with anyone who disagrees with you and supports this petition. If that really is not the case, then I apologize, perhaps it's more the fact that you simply don't agree with the petition. But I have one Facebook friend who did in fact fly off the handle and accuse some of us as being traitors (which is close to an apostate).

(addresses me) - way to stick up for what you believe. Sorry it has to be that difficult of a journey, and perhaps you should write up a letter and send it the decision makers in Salt Lake. I'd recommend forwarding it through your Bishop, and perhaps it would have bigger impact that way. Good luck to you.

Yesterday at 17:10 •

SL-H: Your last comment (name with held) is the reason why so many people, those in the church making difficult decisions only they can understand and those out, who left because of rigid and unbending judgment are having such a hard time. I have re-read the string and even in your last comment "Why does everyone assume the title apostate applies to them? Guilt?" remains filled with pious indignation. If this is not what you meant then be careful with your words. I have come to rely quite heavily on my own faith and free myself of judging others and in the way others have judged me but your words sting, not out of my own quilt, as you would assume but out of hearing so many who have been trampled by this kind of unbending attitude. I am no less worthy now then I ever was before, I simply made a choice, after much prayer and counseling with a GREAT bishop who understood that not everything is that simple. I have come to know I made the right choice.

Your words feed the apostates who ascertain that as a church we have no compassion when in fact the gospel I love and cherish would never have another feel less, which is what being Christ like is all about. I don't know you but I know many like you who see things as a black or white much like the Pharisees. All I asked is for you to try and understand the pain and heartache felt in this situation. You will never meet a more committed member than I am because, in spite of the judgment I have faced, I am resilient and continue to go, as hard as it is. I understand how people leave, I have never been through anything so hard excepting if I were to lose my children because I told them a policy was more important then they were.

You say - "When I mention apostates I means apostates not members who disagree." but everything else you write contradicts those words. They deny and then settle to an ambiguous judgment.

The words I cling to now follow in this vain; President Uchdorf's talk in Oct. conference.

"Because love is the great commandment, it ought to be at the center of all and everything we do in our own family, in our Church callings, and in our livelihood. Love is the healing balm that repairs rifts in personal and family relationships. It is the bond that unites families, communities, and nations. Love is the power that initiates friendship, tolerance, civility, and respect. It is the source that overcomes divisiveness and hate. Love is the fire that warms our lives with unparalleled joy and divine hope. Love should be our walk and our talk."

All I ask is that rather then come at this, even in contention with apostates, with accusation, why not seek understanding. We are losing members in droves for so many more reasons then just this, take a look at the church bench near you. Finding a way to understand their reasons may be a way to, if they choose, feel welcome if they come back.

I may never have my children on the church bench with me but what they know of me it that I love them. I can wait a year, that's not the hard part. It's the cultural crush of judgment that is. I can get through that too. I made a decision out of love. God understands it and that, in the end, is all that matters.

Yesterday at 17:54 •

END STRING

I can’t include the comment that followed mine – Facebook banned it but suffice it that the person attacked me…. Personally and with that – my point was made – unintentionally on my part.

Why, when activity in the church is dropping at an astronomical rate, where member’s testimonies are failing and the world is a harder place to live in do we have those that will attack from within the very walls we worship. If I don’t agree with you, is it really an apostate point of view?

Here’s my point.

As long as the policy of waiting a year is in place I will live by it. The feelings I have processed, the hearts repair I have gone through is just a small portion to those that are felt by new converts at the opposite yet tethered sides of this issue. This is a painful choice that can sever ties and lay a foundation of hatred that can last a lifetime in families. Is it worth it and what does it say to those who aren’t members of our faith?

I was married in the temple the first time, enough said. I did it without my Mom there and I ached at her absence, silently. To voice it would have brought on condemnation. I have no desire to argue through that.

I wish members, who though their intentions may be pure, could understand that their actions can cause great pain. My comment was to address with my voice the real pain that comes not from the choice but from the criticism and treatment after an opposing choice is made.

I remember thinking once, during all of my past that people didn’t need to worry whether or not I understood the road I was on. They didn’t need to have their strong opinions and share them so freely to help me to know that they thought I was wrong, I already felt like a failure. I didn’t need anymore of their help to grasp that concept. I came through this solid and happy and I wouldn’t change a single part of any of the decisions I have made because healing has come from it. My point to the string was “until you walk in their shoes” – try at least to understand and by doing so we can make a difference to compassionate exchange within the church. Remember here, I haven’t signed the petition. I almost did after her attack but I soon realized that it would have been out of spite not commitment. I am investigating this before I commit because when I do commit to something it has to be a part of my song. I am not sure on this one yet.

Women were not allowed to pray in sacrament meetings prior to 1978. It was a group of voices that came forward that made the policy be rethought and then changed. Is the church any less true because women are praying in sacrament meeting now and for those who look at this with a negative perspective, because the church changed it, is it any less true?

Remember what Urcdorf said – the key is love. Christ like love. When you find it you will be astounded at the growth that can come. So, the question I have is this banner that I carry really being misconstrued as apostate rhetoric because if it is, I need to rethink my words. I have questions, I have concerns, but at the end of the day, I love my faith and follow it. I take it seriously enough to find out for myself just how dedicated I am. The lovely thing about my new life is that I know that when it is all said and done – it really is between me and my God and I WILL NEVER JUDGE ANY WHO CHOOSE OTHERWISE.

Thank Heavens

It is the duty of every cultured man or woman to read sympathetically the scriptures of the world. If we are to respect others' religions as we would have them respect our own, a friendly study of the world's religions is a sacred duty.
~ Mohandas K. Gandhi