Life Lesson # 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
I would never, in my entire life, have ever been able to be referred to as “anal”, type “A” or a “high achiever”. I think I was a solid yellow or an ISTJ for much of my adult life and just recently, in the last 5 – 8 years grounded myself enough to put some white, blue, and please, not even a touch of red whatsoever into those personality equations.
I have learned though to really find ways to be better prepared throughout this growing time in my life. I was taught it from the best natural teacher I know; my Mom.
Mom was diagnosed with Cancer in early 2002. I think she had sensed that this was to be her fate, she was always practical and well, she knew the consequences of her actions and more than anything else, she never made excuses. We used to joke with her when she was placed on oxygen about blowing up if she ever lit a match. Somehow, she found the irony of her situation and found the humor too. I loved her for that.
There is one thing that I am in great debt to her for. It was a scenario game we would play as she was in the hospital during those last few months. My life was in utter chaos. There wasn’t a part of it that wasn’t in upheaval and Mom knew she was running out of time. I had the morning shift which meant that each morning I would go to Timmy’s: pick up her favorite things, and then head to the hospital. She usually wanted to have a shower which she was to weak to handle on her own and the nurses, overburdened as they were, gladly let me help her. It was a bonding ritual too beautiful for words. She had cared for me in my first months on this earth. It was as if life was coming full circle and I was repaying the debt.
Afterwards, she would be tired but she never wanted a wasted moment to go by. Between the haze of the painkillers and quiet of the room we started to play the game “what are you going to when?”
It started out simple, like, what are you going to when I’m not around to help you with your girls? Then it went to; what are you going to do when your divorce goes through? Then through the month and a little bit we hit everything that she could possibly come at me with and she gave me her thoughts, ideas and expectations. We didn’t get to finish, she died unexpectedly from a complication of the chemotherapy but we did cover quite a lot. It’s funny, as each new situation comes in my life it’s like she’s there sharing her thoughts and guiding me. It’s ironic how right on she was to predict certain things. She grilled me on what my expectations out of life were and then she leveled with me her expectations of me.
I remember waiting in the bridal room at the place where W and I married. Everyone had gone downstairs and I was by myself. I wasn’t scared but my heart just ached for her. I missed her so much and desperately wanted her there with me to share my joy. We had talked about that very moment and she told me she would do everything in her power to be with me. The room was quiet and I bowed my head in gratitude for having such a wonderful man come into our lives and forever improve the journey we were on. It only took a moment but I knew, I absolutely knew she was with me and that she was happy for me.
You can prepare a thousand ways for every inevitable circumstance you life will have but nothing is ever set in stone. In every way Mom could she tried to fit all that she needed me to know and understand into the short span before she left this world too soon. What she never realized was that her very example was preparation enough for me to know how to be a woman of integrity and grace and besides all the shared wisdom that she gave me, her example now completes me and guides me to a destiny of matriachal wholeness. I hope someday my daughters will allow me the same honor and that I can pass her wisdom to them.
I would never, in my entire life, have ever been able to be referred to as “anal”, type “A” or a “high achiever”. I think I was a solid yellow or an ISTJ for much of my adult life and just recently, in the last 5 – 8 years grounded myself enough to put some white, blue, and please, not even a touch of red whatsoever into those personality equations.
I have learned though to really find ways to be better prepared throughout this growing time in my life. I was taught it from the best natural teacher I know; my Mom.
Mom was diagnosed with Cancer in early 2002. I think she had sensed that this was to be her fate, she was always practical and well, she knew the consequences of her actions and more than anything else, she never made excuses. We used to joke with her when she was placed on oxygen about blowing up if she ever lit a match. Somehow, she found the irony of her situation and found the humor too. I loved her for that.
There is one thing that I am in great debt to her for. It was a scenario game we would play as she was in the hospital during those last few months. My life was in utter chaos. There wasn’t a part of it that wasn’t in upheaval and Mom knew she was running out of time. I had the morning shift which meant that each morning I would go to Timmy’s: pick up her favorite things, and then head to the hospital. She usually wanted to have a shower which she was to weak to handle on her own and the nurses, overburdened as they were, gladly let me help her. It was a bonding ritual too beautiful for words. She had cared for me in my first months on this earth. It was as if life was coming full circle and I was repaying the debt.
Afterwards, she would be tired but she never wanted a wasted moment to go by. Between the haze of the painkillers and quiet of the room we started to play the game “what are you going to when?”
It started out simple, like, what are you going to when I’m not around to help you with your girls? Then it went to; what are you going to do when your divorce goes through? Then through the month and a little bit we hit everything that she could possibly come at me with and she gave me her thoughts, ideas and expectations. We didn’t get to finish, she died unexpectedly from a complication of the chemotherapy but we did cover quite a lot. It’s funny, as each new situation comes in my life it’s like she’s there sharing her thoughts and guiding me. It’s ironic how right on she was to predict certain things. She grilled me on what my expectations out of life were and then she leveled with me her expectations of me.
I remember waiting in the bridal room at the place where W and I married. Everyone had gone downstairs and I was by myself. I wasn’t scared but my heart just ached for her. I missed her so much and desperately wanted her there with me to share my joy. We had talked about that very moment and she told me she would do everything in her power to be with me. The room was quiet and I bowed my head in gratitude for having such a wonderful man come into our lives and forever improve the journey we were on. It only took a moment but I knew, I absolutely knew she was with me and that she was happy for me.
You can prepare a thousand ways for every inevitable circumstance you life will have but nothing is ever set in stone. In every way Mom could she tried to fit all that she needed me to know and understand into the short span before she left this world too soon. What she never realized was that her very example was preparation enough for me to know how to be a woman of integrity and grace and besides all the shared wisdom that she gave me, her example now completes me and guides me to a destiny of matriachal wholeness. I hope someday my daughters will allow me the same honor and that I can pass her wisdom to them.
I miss her so much.
“Our days are numbered. One of the primary goals in our lives should be to prepare for our last day. The legacy we leave is not just in our possessions, but in the quality of our lives. What preparations should we be making now? The greatest waste in all of our earth, which cannot be recycled or reclaimed, is our waste of the time that God has given us each day.” ~ Billy Graham
“Our days are numbered. One of the primary goals in our lives should be to prepare for our last day. The legacy we leave is not just in our possessions, but in the quality of our lives. What preparations should we be making now? The greatest waste in all of our earth, which cannot be recycled or reclaimed, is our waste of the time that God has given us each day.” ~ Billy Graham
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