My Own Drummer

Life Lesson #23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

When I first started working in the quilt shop there was a buzz about this “purple hat society”. Women would come in and talk about being “different” and try really hard to not conform when in fact, because of a poem, they were conforming anyhow. I always got a bit of a giggle out of that.

So, I found the poem, read it; and then realized that the poet herself (?) was celebrating the idea that in old age the gloves are off. You get to discover who and what you are and not be abiding to the cultural rules in place. It was as if by virtue of age you could excuse anything. It reminded me of Grandma Florrie. Oh how I loved that woman. She was a frisky old gal who lived alone until she was almost 95. She cheated at cards and her favorite saying was; “wherever though be’st, let the wind blow free’st”. I still laugh when I think about it. When I say she cheated she did it unabashedly so. She didn’t care if you knew and her excuse was always her age, or that she couldn’t see or “WHAT????” she would say, pretending not to hear. It still makes me laugh even now.

She wore wigs, four or five different ones and she loved it when you tried them on. My brother served a mission in her ward and when he was over at her apartment she had all four missionaries put the wigs on and take pictures. She was spry and feisty and never held back her opinion. She had a good sense of people and I am very happy that I never had to lose her in the divorce because she died before it happened. I have a daughter that I see so much of her in. As much as she wants to shed the S in her, having Grandma F flowing through her is like having a reason to love and enjoy all life as to offer.

We spend so much of our time trying so hard to fit in. I have to admit I spent much of my life doing just that. I would be so upset over the stupidest things and when I think about it now, what a trifling waste of my time. What I would give to take it back and just know myself well enough to be okay with who I was.

I have always admired those who walked to their own drum beat as long as that beat wasn’t being beaten over the head of anyone else. I had a friend in high school. She was amazing. She optimized everything I wanted to be. Tall – which of course was never going to be in my future, casual, cool, easy going and she swaggered like no one I knew. It never mattered what others thought, she sensed her own value and I admired that so much. Boys ached for her attention, girls wanted to be her friend and she could never have been labeled as anything but eccentric. She taught me about FUNK music and Jimmy Hendrix and skiing outside the boundaries. I owe a lot to her and her example.

So here I am 30 plus years later and I finally get her. She knew happy derived within her. I have that now. I listen to my music, as crazy as it is, and I drive to nowhere just cus I can and I love the most transparent man I know who has no problem telling someone that they have “one friggin long hair hanging out ya nose” to a person he has never met before because he’d rather speak the truth then worry about what other people thought. It’s crazy but I am now grooving, quite literally, to my own beat and lovin’ it.

I can truly say now that I don’t really care what others think of me cus what matters is what my family thinks of me and were pretty cool with the whole dysfunction thing. I mean, as my Mom used to say. “I put the FUN in dysfunction! When I say this I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about people, I simply don’t care about judgments. It’s different and if you know that they you understand me.

So here’s my personal mantra for the month of April.

People that mind don’t matter and people that matter don’t mind! Thank-you Dr. Suess for those great words of wisdom and all the rest. I mean come on, how great is “Green Eggs and Ham”!