If a tree falls in the forest......

"We lose our right to the Lord’s Spirit and to whatever authority we have from God when we exercise control over another person in an unrighteous manner. Compulsion builds resentment. It conveys mistrust, and it makes people feel incompetent. Learning opportunities are lost when controlling persons pridefully assume they have all the right answers for others."

Sometimes life has a way of giving answers before the questions are even asked. Whether we hear the answers is solely dependant on how well we hear life all around us. It also rests on the ability we have to look within ourselves. I heard the roar of irony this weekend and have great friends to thank for giving me the muse to hear and reflect on the words we shared.

What am I on about?

I went to Kelowna to help a friend.I spent the weekend with two souls that connected in song. The rare remaining members of the church that will have anything socially to do with me. I drove to Kelowna to help out a life long friend with a sole mate who on the grand scale of things had faced more than I ever could have survived. It was a wonderful weekend.

We laughed, cried, found joy and worked hard and through it all we felt solace in each others company.

On the last evening we broached the inevitable subject of my disaffection. I am very closed to discuss  ALL the reasons I left the church but to those reasons that are most obvious I am willing to bend and have my ear bent on the subject. They spoke about this past conference and the talks that seemed different with a whole new focus for members to spend more time on being nice and loving and compassionate and less on rules or demands or expectations . They read a few words and laughed about some of the more humorous talks and then asked, did it matter that the leaders are starting to recognize that there are members like me, so disillusioned by ill treatment. I hymned and haaaad and said, sometimes words come just too late.

Do they?

Is it too late?

If it was just about the way people treat each other I would say maybe, just maybe I could think about trying again. The fact is, however, that there is so much more to my walking away then a group of people called a ward and they way they treat each other. So much more that I choose to let few people in to know.

It was then that K mentioned a talk and gave the quote included in this post. There, the wound rips open and it hurts all over again. Do we really have to go there? Really? Some parts of my past can't resolve, they just seep pain little by little. It hurts enough to notice but is healed enough to live with. They wondered out loud if he (M) would have heard it?

Is there any doubt?

The question Is not if he heard it but whether or not it mattered or if he has any way of knowing it applied to him.

My guess is no.

So, to words unheard and to hearts broken and wounded, the question is answered in the same way you would answer this;

If a tree fell in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

The Price of a Peaceful Life

You cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange melody of life. But we can decide what happens in us .... How we can take it, and what we do with it .... And that is what really counts in the end. - Joseph Fort Newton

Taking life by the horns is a concept I have gladly become very familiar with. Times and situations have forced choices in my life I never thought I'd ever have to make. Over time, I have learned that I can and mostly do trust my inner voice. It works for me.

When I decided I had had enough with my work situation I knew what I needed and wanted to make the "Fall" of my life stress reduced. For just over 7 months at my old company I experienced the dream team of management. These men functioned in such a way that the entire group worked at a high level with a minimized level of stress. They worked hard and laughed harder! It was a pleasure to be a part of one of the highest producing teams at the company.

As in all large scale oil and gas companies, organizational structure changes. My new manager was difficult, all I am going to say. I had to decide, as much as I loved working with the members of Frog LK/Fishing LK teams management style was having such a strong negative influence on the members, stress became an everyday way of being. Then, one day, it was apparent it was affecting me much more than any job should, I was done.

I have been blessed in my career to be able to find good jobs, in this case, when all was said and done, there were three avenues I could have taken. The choice was made not based on income, benefits, (though 5 weeks vacation is very sweet), I made it based on the individuals I had met and interviewed with.

Having experienced the dream team I knew what was important. Having a manager who respects you and appreciates your efforts and your sacrifices makes you feel more willing to give your best.

Going to work now is back to being a Joy! I look forward to contributing in my role and the bonus is, great salary, great compensation and the best part, working with awesome people and management is what is known in the work world as a WIN/WIN!

So, to get to the point.

If you don't like whatever it is in your life that is making you unhappy, change it and use the lesson you've learned in those difficult times to define the path those changes will take!

Gotta love life experience, when you use it right, it just makes for a better life.

If - Give it a rest.

Side note first: Love my new job. The people are great, the work challenging and the expectations, reasonable. I spoke with my sister yesterday and we talked about respect. I hope I can live to the respect they have offered me and that I don't loss it, Karma certainly smiled here.

Now for an OPINION.

I have been thinking a lot about the word "if". In the last few days that word has become a focal point in an apology being offered by Mitt Romney (MR); the US Republican presidential candidate. It's funny, I have no ability to even vote in the US election and yet I am obsessed with the politics of it all. I have always been a bit of a current affairs junkie and this past few months have been fodder for my soul.

Anyway, what am I on about?

I won't get into the specifics except to reference the event. Mitt Romney, private high school, upperclassmen angst, disconnect, 50 years go by.

What bothers me about this event is the disconnect MR feels to it now. His words can't even bring himself to recall his participation and yet 5 classmates see him as the leader to the event. He apologizes with a qualification, one used so incessantly these days and one, I admit, brings out a personal bias;

"If I offended him......".

Yes, the incident happened almost 50 years ago, Yes, it would be considered inexcusable if it happened today and yes, it undoubtedly speaks to MR's character at that time but his word use of "if" today is reflecting a disconnect that can and does speak to his character now. One of the men involved spoke about his own deep remorse for his actions at the involvement in the incident, MR can't even recall it.

That's a bit scary I think.

So, MOMO's, this next part may offend but please take it with a grain of salt and think about what I am about to say.

My experience with YOUNG LDS men - 15-21 are that they can and almost always are the most arrogant social groups you will run into. Always have been and always will be. The doctrine of "priesthood authority" coupled with "a chosen generation" can sometimes wreak havoc on the esteem of these young men and they, in my experience, become very cruel and authoritarian.

I could recite a few instances and I have a few times through the blog that can emphasize this point. I am not sure what it is about being a "Mormon Boy" in that it can and does get empowering to some and coupled with the kind of parent that refuses to have "accountability" fall on these "chosen few" the end result is havoc can and almost inevitably doe ensue. A disconnect to actions.

My daughters had a core LDS group of kids they shared their Mormon culture with. These boys were cruel, mean and sometime even vicious. I made excuses for them, I watched as they felt invincible to responsibility. I watched as they emotionally crushed so many people.

Where are they now?

They are husbands, fathers, partners, leaders. A few of them have stepped forward and shown great remorse for their actions. I am always so surprised at the letters even I have received. Words of true remorse for the hurt they inflicted. It is for me, the cycle of growth we all face through the maturing process. It's the symbol of accountability. It's a testament to their evolving character.

And yet, there are those few who never get there. Their words are almost always accompanied with the qualifier of "if". These are those men who become the Bishops and church leaders you fear and resent. They are the parents that laugh at the hijinks's of their children that hurt so many more new victims. These are the MR's who say. "if my actions hurt or offended anyone, I am sorry". Hollow, shallow resentment that has forced an apology but lacks any if at all the accountability to the pain they have inflicted.

A bully is and can be a bully but a man is one who knows he has caused harm and accepts his role without any qualifications other than remorse.

This applies to woman too, we are not immune to this.


Here is what "IF' should be about;

'if'

by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

That's another 2 cents worth.

Greater Minds

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly." - Albert Einstien

This quote/post has sat in my saved folder for some time. The words are strong and time and time again I have penned my thoughts and backed away.

I was asked why I felt the way I did and why I share it so quietly. Why not be stronger, why not louder?

The answer is simple, the words begin;

Go placidly......

What does that mean?

Inside was soul, every once in a while, the rage surfaces. I want to scream, yell, kick and tell the world that whole long saga. Defend it all, Accuse unabashedly. Let it all out. FIGHT BACK.

In the end, it only harms me.

Every storm that rages within us is conquerable. Every storm passes.

I very rarely rage anymore. I very rarely anger. When I do, it's noticed and it's taken seriously but rage is a beautiful beast that when tamed can be used positively and it becomes reasonable and understandable.

As the wise woman said;

"you cannot reason with the unreasonable".

I am who I am because I have overcome the storms. When I let others stir me to anger I find within myself the cracks in the armour.

I do not bow or excuse my thoughts but I do not impose my judgments on anyone.

I am whole, and because I am, I seek nothing from anyone else.

That is zen.

I found it.

Finally.

Each Morning

“To get up each morning

with the resolve to be happy

…is to set our own conditions

to the events of each day.

To do this is to condition circumstances

instead of being conditioned by them.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

WOW, I am so excited today. 1st - I get to watch baby M. Have I said how much I love being a Grandma. Mom used to say it was the greatest experience she had in her life and told me it is something you just feel deep inside you. She was so right. When I look into C and M's eyes it just seems like a fulfilling deep within my soul; like life's full purpose is being met and I have a chance to experience just the part of it that completes you. LOVE IT!

SO, as to my previous post I am starting a whole new chapter in my life and I am so excited. Change is constant and finding it as a blessing rather than a challenge has changed the very actions of my life. I had the weirdest dream last night all about starting my new job. In it, every conceivable mishap happened before I even got there. Two different shoes and socks, the C-train broken down and a building being moved so I couldn't get to work. You would think I would have woken up so distressed and yet I was almost laughing. It's funny how perspective can change so much in your live.

In the two weeks I was away I had a chance to think and feel deeply. I worked through the last of some outstanding issues and came to some conclusions necessary to move forward. I found myself feeling at peace and truly madly deeply happy. It's funny how you think you have the whole situation under control and then when you finally do you wonder how you even coped in the first place. I truly underestimated the influence the stress my job had on my life. So glad that chapter closed and a new one is starting.

So I did some thinking as well. First is to find the zen. K2 has influenced me here. She is avid in Yoga. I admire her so greatly in this regard. I have decided to pursue an interest in it and learn it. Now, chubby pumpkin bodies look rather ridiculous in large yoga classes so true to who I am, I got the book and DVD and I am going to master this at home first. Morning and Evening Yoga to start. Once I am confident I will branch out. SO EXCITED! I see Bali in my future. I tend to get a bit obsessed in my hobbies, i.e. quilting, scrap booking, photography! This should be fun.

I look forward to some serious decision making with regards to the church. I think the final chapter needs written. What that will be is still in the works. I found out the B had put us on the no contact list which explains why NO ONE has even contacted us in the last 1 1/2 years. I don't remember saying that specifically. I do remember saying that I was tired of HT's and VT's counting a visit when they would simply leave a message or bother to say hi in the hall way at church. I have some thoughts on this but my resolve here is to let it go. The LDS church and Mormonism is my past. It shaped me I am but it no longer defines me.

I want to continue to find the spiritual song within me. Using the word "find" may be a bit misleading. I have never felt more spiritual in my life. I think what I mean is that I want to continue in the journey of discovering the truths outside of the ones that have let me down. I am reading "The Book of Awakening" and loving it. I have slowed a bit in reading and now that so many changes have occurred for me, pursuing "Good Books" will be back into full swing again. So excited!

I am heading back to Auzzieland in the fall. I speak to K and C everyday I can and need to send an enormous amount of gratitude out to the universe for the modern technology that allows me to know C so well from Skype and Facetime. What did grandparents do before this. Thank you!!!!!

Well. M is complaining. Grandma needs to focus on being a Grandma. Did I say how much I love it!

Here to my new chapter!! I'll keep you informed.

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,

but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” 

~  Thich Nhat Hanh

Transitions

I let it go.

It's like swimming against the current.

It exhausts you.

After a while,

whoever you are,

you just have to let go,

and the river brings you home.

~ Joanne Harris

New blog format, reached my GB limit so I am trying to make a decision to continue on or not. I have been facing lots of changes in my life lately and have faced some serious issues that required some serious sole searching.

I have faced some trials with my new manager at work, as I worked through all my options the one that kept coming back was if you don't like your job change it. After a particularly bad one on one session - his way of; well, communication I decided I was done. That night I went on a job search site and sent out resumes, three weeks later and three different companies that showed interest I took a new job! I start on Monday! I am so excited.

W and I took a time out and went on an exotic 12 day cruise and had an amazing adventure! I learned I love that man even more than I thought and that I look so forward to spending more time with him.

I stepped up and purged the last of what was dragging me down and I am feeling more at peace than I have in such a long time.

Here is to decision making and to finally having the balls to realize it is about deciding to do better and then doing it!

Paradise

On holidays - would add more words but just to damn busy to. Write som later kay!

The War on Women

"At work, you think of the children you have left at home.

At home, you think of the work you've left unfinished.

Such a struggle is unleashed within yourself.

Your heart is rent." 

~ Golda Meir

The “war on women” is really old and the side you chose to be on is simply not that easy to ascertain and unquestionably becomes a lose/lose scenario. I love Sunday morning TV. I love current events and I mostly love being informed. Sometimes its American agenda’s that get me riled up and today, it’s the controversy over the Ann Romney “doesn’t know struggles” comment that an Obama spin doctor made and the uber reaction to it.


My first thought was; “oh no she didn’t”, and “does she know the dragon she unleashed?” You can’t say any woman doesn’t know struggle. Mormons have a monopoly on the concept struggle and in reality, on the grand scale of kahuna’s struggles Ann Romney has struggled. But then, I went and watched the entire segment that brought about the controversy and once again, placing the comment into context, the “struggle” the Obama supporter speaks about is deeper and more profound than just the “struggles” as defined by some.


“Working women”, “stay at home Mom’s”, it’s all mute when you take the job description out of motherhood and make it just what it is, motherhood. There is no and should never be a descriptive noun to that title. Motherhood is motherhood and until you have to make the decisions necessary to add those descriptors its best left unsaid.


So what am I on about?


What describes struggle?


I think in a very real way Ann Romney knows the intimate and heart wrenching kind of struggle that changes a person. Cancer and MS are huge and to argue the simple fact is pointless; in that context, Ann KNOWS struggles and hardship intimately. Case closed.


Now, to argue she might not understand the day to day struggle some mothers know, of paying the rent, leaving your children so you can make ends meet, how do you provide adequate health care when you have none, feed your children and starve yourself, yeah, pretty sure she may not be to experienced in that. Does that make her ill equipped to speak for women as a whole? NO, absolutely not.


Here’s my point.


Why do we have to contend at all? Why is it about those that stay and home and those that work? Why is there even a war on women? I have been both. I stayed at home for 18 years and then was forced back into the work force for economic reasons. Hundreds of thousands of women find themselves in the very same predicament as I am in. At church, it was so hard to hear and feel so vilified for going out to work but tell me what else could have been done?


Child support was non-existent pretty quickly after the divorce was settled and the church wasn’t stepping forward to help out. I was expected to be self-reliant and I wasn’t prepared to go back to court to pay an enormous amount of money to get what little would be offered. I knew when I divorced I put myself in a position to no longer be a “stay at home” Mom and that I would then be responsible to my children.


I quickly felt the difference of “doing what’s right” and doing what was necessary. But what if it was a choice? What if the woman had more ability to provide then the man? Is that acceptable? Are men any less capable of parenting? All these questions unthinkable 25 years ago and now, answered yes more often than you think and even in the church. Hard economic times have forced choices on families, even in the church. I am not at church anymore to see the consequences but my guess would be that the man that stays home would come under a fair amount of judgment.


Let’s put this aside and ask; what is it about women that they can’t understand the choice and work load to each choice when it comes to parenting?


Each time a blow out in the press with regards to women and working and struggling happens, instead of imploding on each other and taking the focus away from the real issues in America, the working poor, find a common ground and focus on change.


Maybe some understanding all around could help. Ann Romney has faced struggles in her life that could and has broken amazing women and maybe she doesn’t understand poverty like some who have or even the concept of “working” in the tradition of outside the home but she can and most likely will be a voice. If she surrounds herself with people (women) who represent all aspects of women in America now it can and will work. Turning on each other profits no one. Stop the rhetoric and get to the issues.


Now, do I have a right to an opinion?


No, not really. Not my election, not my country. It is however an issue and life I am very familiar with. Having both life journeys, a work at home scenario and working outside I can address one thing. Both are work, both are difficult and yet have results that can and sometime are very different. If I had a choice, I would be home and be a homemaker, I see the value in it. The reality is, we all don’t get that choice and that is where understanding needs to come into play.

Stop It!

I'm most disturbed by individuals who are so narrow-minded as to think that their experience is the experience that everyone must have. Let's be broad enough in our understanding to recognize that the atonement of Jesus Christ is an individual atonement for each one of God's children. ~ Aged Observer

So, there are times when I lurk about on the internet seeking out answers to the questions I am far too timid to ask. It’s always so astounding to me that there are so many exmo’s like me struggling to find their footings in a new and ever accepting world. You are so used to a culture that deems struggles as a measurement to sainthood and when you come to terms with choice equaling consequence you find yourself seeing the picture so much more clearer and the world so much more understanding.


So, the inevitable question, what am I on about?


I very rarely miss being at church, I hardley ever think twice about my Sunday mornings and relish in the freedom to simply let the day be what God intended, “A day of rest.” But recently I completely zoned out about Conference weekend and all that those two days imply.


I went onto my favorite FB groups to see them all abuzz about the talks and the doctrines and the moments that either a.) Make the exmo’s cringe. Or b.) Make the momo’s ecstatic; sometimes one talk can accomplish both. It happens more than you can even imagine.


I read a little and felt even less and turned onto my “Book of Awakening” to establish a moment of Zen. Then I went back with a new hope that somewhere there would be a “meet in the middle” compromise.


“In a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones. But before we do so, let us remember the words of the One who is our Master and model: “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.” ~ D. Uchtdorf.


As a general rule I don’t have an absolute favorite anything most of the time. I have lots of favorites. President U is one of those general authorities that remind me that there is a middle ground. He often comes to terms of endearment that engender both sides and his admonitions’ always resolve around hope and forgiveness. He reminds me that there are reasons to hope that someone in authority can speak to what is REALLY needed for resolution. That someone understands the gospel of Jesus.


I wish I didn’t have to defend anything to anyone with regard to the choices I make and that the consequences were quietly mine to own. I wish that members understood just how cruel they are and that when they realize it that they would then see a need to change. I was just tired of waiting for a different world then what I so intimately understood and lived in. I get, in a very real way, that I can choose to ignore the judgment and then rise above the criticism. I am learning to do just that. But; it is always nice when someone in authority over those who see themselves as righteous and use their religion to excuse poor behavior, speaks, and says “stop it”.


Now, the question is, did they hear it?

Two Cents and a Little Bit More!

I refuse
 to accept the view that mankind
 is so tragically bound to the starless midnight
of racism and war that the bright daybreak
 of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality

... I believe
that unarmed truth and unconditional love

will have the final word.

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I was a young woman, I lived with an unconventional Mormon Mom. She defied all the rules in almost every way and she was loved, not only by her own children but all the youth that rested their weary souls on her door step. Our home was a haven and it was fun. She didn’t turn anyone away. She was, quite literally, the perfect MOM.


Now, if you were sitting on a pew in a Mormon chapel that isn’t how she would have been described. She was the thorn in many a Mormon parent side. Her rules were simple;


1.) Don’t hurt yourself
2.) Don’t hurt others
3.) Don’t hurt things


How could you go wrong with that thought stream? Well, it was wrong and she heard about it on a regular basis. She taught tolerance and love and the old;”stones in a glass house” mindset. She gave me some of the greatest tools for survival any parent could give; once again – Thank-you Mom. Thank-you.


So now; to get to the point.


I have thought about addressing an issue near and dear to my heart that so far I have been fairly Mum on.


Here it goes;


– Momo’s – that old “may be offensive” disclaimer applies here so exit out if you don’t want to be offended.


Mom owned a flower shop. She was extremely successful and there were times when she would get so busy that she needed to hire extra help. She had some pretty cool friends and one of them was Joe. I met him the first time when I was a senior in high school. I came running down the stairs to talk to Mom about my day and there he was; all 6’4” of strapping flaming gayness. His boyfriend was there too but I can’t remember his name, I met of few of those over the years I knew Joe. Mom saw immediately that my head was spinning and she proudly announced Joe’s sexual orientation immediately and told me if I had a problem with it I was “no daughter of hers” and to “get over it!”.


I was so molly, it was scary and I learned a valuable lesson that day, one of many my mother taught me over the years. This one was about judging and finding worth in all people.


Joe became a fixture in the flower shop as did most of his friends and over the years I worked along side almost all of them. I stayed Molly and I learned from this advent guard Mom that taught me that acceptance trumped beliefs. It was the best lesson any mother could ever give a child.


I had married my RM prince (whole other blog post) – served in every conceivable calling a woman in the church could hold, birthed 4 children and lived and flourished in all my Mormonism, as did my Mom and her friends in their own journeys. Then it happened, slowly but surely, AIDS hit our hometown.


Joe was not the first to fall but he did indeed tumble. Most of the men Mom worked with in the flower industry contracted the disease. Joe, Frank and all of the men that had worked along side my Mom and I would eventually feel the effects of the AIDS epidemic and Mom struggled through each funeral. It was a sad time in her life, she mourned so deeply.


Through that time, my mother taught me such a vital and important life lesson. She trumped friendships over a belief system she just couldn’t see eye to eye with and by belief system I mean Mormonism, not homosexuality (for those that might advocate gayness as a choice). She paid a dear price for being unapologetic about it. She eventually had no LDS friends and she would leave the church. It just wasn’t true for her. She couldn’t reconcile the church having such a strong and ardent belief in the wrongness of same sex attraction and still feel comfortable there among other doctrines that just didn’t settle well with her.


Years later as she gave me the lessons I required through her dying of cancer we broached the subject of Joe and same sex attraction and Mormonism. Mom shared some of her thoughts and she challenged me to vocalize mine.


When I said it out loud I knew it wouldn’t make some of my Mormon friends happy. It just didn’t matter, I knew in my heart how I felt and it felt right. I knew I would never apologize for feeling and believing the way I did.


God would not send anyone to this earth with an attraction to the same sex and then call it a weakness. He is just not that cruel. Attraction is attraction and to EXPECT anyone to live a celibate life, being forbidden to feel deep and loving intimacy because he/she sent them here attracted to the same sex is far too cruel for the GOD I know and love. He is a loving God and same sex attraction is as real as heterosexuality. I just don’t believe that same sex attraction is a choice. I just don’t.


Mom laughed when I voiced it out loud. She said she had done her job then. She asked that I advocate my opinion so that those young people stuck and suffering within the church could know someone cared. Little did she know how unwelcome that opinion would be and how much the church would do to get involved with making it wrong for same sex couples to marry?


She'd be turning over in her grave ready to give her two cents worth if she could I am sure pointing her finger at whoever needed to hear it the whole time.


I made my stand perfectly clear when Prop 8 surfaced. I came under some fire but I was unrelenting. I still make no apologies. The separation of church and state precedes the church having any involvement here.


My home is as open as my Mom’s was and my daughter being a professional dancer has brought some of the most amazing human souls I have met home. I hope they felt as welcome in my home as Joe did in Mom’s. I believe in a world that will sometime not look at the differences we all see in each other but rather embrace the same. The sameness of hope, of dreams and of the bonds and make us human, make us whole. When that happens what will be left to argue about?


To all the young questioning youth out there; It does indeed get better. More and more people like me are here and opening our voices. I see a whole new generation of acceptance stepping forward. Mom was a vanguard; she left her hopes to be nurtured by me and shared deeply with my children. I have raised 4 children who feel very much as I do, they have kids and they will, in turn, teach their children and if it’s done well, soon, hate will be nurtured out and acceptance will be there, maybe even in the church. Here’s for hoping.