If - Give it a rest.

Side note first: Love my new job. The people are great, the work challenging and the expectations, reasonable. I spoke with my sister yesterday and we talked about respect. I hope I can live to the respect they have offered me and that I don't loss it, Karma certainly smiled here.

Now for an OPINION.

I have been thinking a lot about the word "if". In the last few days that word has become a focal point in an apology being offered by Mitt Romney (MR); the US Republican presidential candidate. It's funny, I have no ability to even vote in the US election and yet I am obsessed with the politics of it all. I have always been a bit of a current affairs junkie and this past few months have been fodder for my soul.

Anyway, what am I on about?

I won't get into the specifics except to reference the event. Mitt Romney, private high school, upperclassmen angst, disconnect, 50 years go by.

What bothers me about this event is the disconnect MR feels to it now. His words can't even bring himself to recall his participation and yet 5 classmates see him as the leader to the event. He apologizes with a qualification, one used so incessantly these days and one, I admit, brings out a personal bias;

"If I offended him......".

Yes, the incident happened almost 50 years ago, Yes, it would be considered inexcusable if it happened today and yes, it undoubtedly speaks to MR's character at that time but his word use of "if" today is reflecting a disconnect that can and does speak to his character now. One of the men involved spoke about his own deep remorse for his actions at the involvement in the incident, MR can't even recall it.

That's a bit scary I think.

So, MOMO's, this next part may offend but please take it with a grain of salt and think about what I am about to say.

My experience with YOUNG LDS men - 15-21 are that they can and almost always are the most arrogant social groups you will run into. Always have been and always will be. The doctrine of "priesthood authority" coupled with "a chosen generation" can sometimes wreak havoc on the esteem of these young men and they, in my experience, become very cruel and authoritarian.

I could recite a few instances and I have a few times through the blog that can emphasize this point. I am not sure what it is about being a "Mormon Boy" in that it can and does get empowering to some and coupled with the kind of parent that refuses to have "accountability" fall on these "chosen few" the end result is havoc can and almost inevitably doe ensue. A disconnect to actions.

My daughters had a core LDS group of kids they shared their Mormon culture with. These boys were cruel, mean and sometime even vicious. I made excuses for them, I watched as they felt invincible to responsibility. I watched as they emotionally crushed so many people.

Where are they now?

They are husbands, fathers, partners, leaders. A few of them have stepped forward and shown great remorse for their actions. I am always so surprised at the letters even I have received. Words of true remorse for the hurt they inflicted. It is for me, the cycle of growth we all face through the maturing process. It's the symbol of accountability. It's a testament to their evolving character.

And yet, there are those few who never get there. Their words are almost always accompanied with the qualifier of "if". These are those men who become the Bishops and church leaders you fear and resent. They are the parents that laugh at the hijinks's of their children that hurt so many more new victims. These are the MR's who say. "if my actions hurt or offended anyone, I am sorry". Hollow, shallow resentment that has forced an apology but lacks any if at all the accountability to the pain they have inflicted.

A bully is and can be a bully but a man is one who knows he has caused harm and accepts his role without any qualifications other than remorse.

This applies to woman too, we are not immune to this.


Here is what "IF' should be about;

'if'

by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

That's another 2 cents worth.