Two Cents and a Little Bit More!

I refuse
 to accept the view that mankind
 is so tragically bound to the starless midnight
of racism and war that the bright daybreak
 of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality

... I believe
that unarmed truth and unconditional love

will have the final word.

~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

When I was a young woman, I lived with an unconventional Mormon Mom. She defied all the rules in almost every way and she was loved, not only by her own children but all the youth that rested their weary souls on her door step. Our home was a haven and it was fun. She didn’t turn anyone away. She was, quite literally, the perfect MOM.


Now, if you were sitting on a pew in a Mormon chapel that isn’t how she would have been described. She was the thorn in many a Mormon parent side. Her rules were simple;


1.) Don’t hurt yourself
2.) Don’t hurt others
3.) Don’t hurt things


How could you go wrong with that thought stream? Well, it was wrong and she heard about it on a regular basis. She taught tolerance and love and the old;”stones in a glass house” mindset. She gave me some of the greatest tools for survival any parent could give; once again – Thank-you Mom. Thank-you.


So now; to get to the point.


I have thought about addressing an issue near and dear to my heart that so far I have been fairly Mum on.


Here it goes;


– Momo’s – that old “may be offensive” disclaimer applies here so exit out if you don’t want to be offended.


Mom owned a flower shop. She was extremely successful and there were times when she would get so busy that she needed to hire extra help. She had some pretty cool friends and one of them was Joe. I met him the first time when I was a senior in high school. I came running down the stairs to talk to Mom about my day and there he was; all 6’4” of strapping flaming gayness. His boyfriend was there too but I can’t remember his name, I met of few of those over the years I knew Joe. Mom saw immediately that my head was spinning and she proudly announced Joe’s sexual orientation immediately and told me if I had a problem with it I was “no daughter of hers” and to “get over it!”.


I was so molly, it was scary and I learned a valuable lesson that day, one of many my mother taught me over the years. This one was about judging and finding worth in all people.


Joe became a fixture in the flower shop as did most of his friends and over the years I worked along side almost all of them. I stayed Molly and I learned from this advent guard Mom that taught me that acceptance trumped beliefs. It was the best lesson any mother could ever give a child.


I had married my RM prince (whole other blog post) – served in every conceivable calling a woman in the church could hold, birthed 4 children and lived and flourished in all my Mormonism, as did my Mom and her friends in their own journeys. Then it happened, slowly but surely, AIDS hit our hometown.


Joe was not the first to fall but he did indeed tumble. Most of the men Mom worked with in the flower industry contracted the disease. Joe, Frank and all of the men that had worked along side my Mom and I would eventually feel the effects of the AIDS epidemic and Mom struggled through each funeral. It was a sad time in her life, she mourned so deeply.


Through that time, my mother taught me such a vital and important life lesson. She trumped friendships over a belief system she just couldn’t see eye to eye with and by belief system I mean Mormonism, not homosexuality (for those that might advocate gayness as a choice). She paid a dear price for being unapologetic about it. She eventually had no LDS friends and she would leave the church. It just wasn’t true for her. She couldn’t reconcile the church having such a strong and ardent belief in the wrongness of same sex attraction and still feel comfortable there among other doctrines that just didn’t settle well with her.


Years later as she gave me the lessons I required through her dying of cancer we broached the subject of Joe and same sex attraction and Mormonism. Mom shared some of her thoughts and she challenged me to vocalize mine.


When I said it out loud I knew it wouldn’t make some of my Mormon friends happy. It just didn’t matter, I knew in my heart how I felt and it felt right. I knew I would never apologize for feeling and believing the way I did.


God would not send anyone to this earth with an attraction to the same sex and then call it a weakness. He is just not that cruel. Attraction is attraction and to EXPECT anyone to live a celibate life, being forbidden to feel deep and loving intimacy because he/she sent them here attracted to the same sex is far too cruel for the GOD I know and love. He is a loving God and same sex attraction is as real as heterosexuality. I just don’t believe that same sex attraction is a choice. I just don’t.


Mom laughed when I voiced it out loud. She said she had done her job then. She asked that I advocate my opinion so that those young people stuck and suffering within the church could know someone cared. Little did she know how unwelcome that opinion would be and how much the church would do to get involved with making it wrong for same sex couples to marry?


She'd be turning over in her grave ready to give her two cents worth if she could I am sure pointing her finger at whoever needed to hear it the whole time.


I made my stand perfectly clear when Prop 8 surfaced. I came under some fire but I was unrelenting. I still make no apologies. The separation of church and state precedes the church having any involvement here.


My home is as open as my Mom’s was and my daughter being a professional dancer has brought some of the most amazing human souls I have met home. I hope they felt as welcome in my home as Joe did in Mom’s. I believe in a world that will sometime not look at the differences we all see in each other but rather embrace the same. The sameness of hope, of dreams and of the bonds and make us human, make us whole. When that happens what will be left to argue about?


To all the young questioning youth out there; It does indeed get better. More and more people like me are here and opening our voices. I see a whole new generation of acceptance stepping forward. Mom was a vanguard; she left her hopes to be nurtured by me and shared deeply with my children. I have raised 4 children who feel very much as I do, they have kids and they will, in turn, teach their children and if it’s done well, soon, hate will be nurtured out and acceptance will be there, maybe even in the church. Here’s for hoping.