It Matters, It Really Matters

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”
~ John Wesley

I have been thinking for some time about the issue of bullies and all the news lately about them. When I first saw the news article about Tyler Clementi, the student at Rutgers who committed suicide, I was so moved by the hopelessness Tyler must have felt to have ended his life. Here was a young man, beyond talented, given a beautiful gift of music, a life to look forward to and it ended because he couldn't see a way out. The two students whose actions were the catalyst for Tyler's descent to hopelessness could not have imagined their actions would have resulted in his eventual suicide but could have known, should have known, they crossed a line. What would make two reasonable, responsible students going to a top notch university turn another person's life upside down, what would make two young people be so mean?

Where my girls were in school, at Beaverbrook, they was a strong core group of Mormons. I could tell you stories of just how mean this group could be but let me speak to once incident that made me embarrassed to belong to the faith I love so much.

One day, at around 5PM I got a call from a friend, a mother of a girl K1 danced with. She was livid. Her daughter, a stunningly beautiful girl, I think she was in Grade 10 at the time had been walking through the front foyer of the school. A bastion of Mormon boys had laid claim to the benches there and made it a point to cat call, ridicule and generally mock anyone, Mormon or not, who dared walk past. At this time, my girls hadn't yet felt the full on wave a Mormon backlash so this was really something new I was hearing. Mrs. G was by the front office and as her daughter walked past these 5 - 7 young priests; they were rentlentless. She was devastated, her daughter, humiliated and they walked out the front door absolutely in unbelief. She called me because she knew I was Mormon and wanted to know what she could do. Mrs G had called the school and their response was that they had already had the young men in their office with their parents and faced a wall of apathy. These boys were football players, honors students and for the most part, their actions seemed harmless. Harmless if it isn't your daughter. Who could she call to have these young men accountable for their actions. I gave her the Bishop's number as she already had their names and apologized that these boys would ever represent the Gospel in such a deplorable way.

The Bishop handled this and let's just say that the parents and the boys lacked the ability to feel responsible in any way. It made it more of a game to make this young woman's life even more difficult. In the end, the Mormon boys owned the front foyer and it was common knowledge that most everyone avoided it like the plague. Is this a form of bullying?

I have spoken to Mrs G on and off since. She still has strong words for the actions of these young men and what it has meant to her feelings about the church. I have expressed that she might need to maybe meet these young men now. They are returned missionaries, fathers, husbands and though they may not have acted honorably then, that for the most part they seem honorable now.

If, in your life, you have been a bully or been bullied the wonderful thing about life is the principle of "this too shall pass". I am sure there are many of us who would NEVER GO BACK if our lives depended on it. In a perfect world, cruelty wouldn't exist but this world is far from perfect. With that being said, what can we do, can we, as a single voice, make a difference?

YES!

Teach your children about fairness and tolerance and practise it yourself. I have strong feelings about some things but I have learned and continue to practise a policy of self accountability. My actions matter, they have an impact and I have tried my best to be the kind of person that people refer to as nice. My triggers still surface. Give me an intolerant, black and white Mormon and I have to take ten steps back to not lose my patience. It's my intolerance that will haunt me for a very long time.

I have stepped forward when I have felt that the words someone was using were too strong or incorrect, I have stepped away from friendships with people I find judgmental or cruel. I have learned the consequences of my own words and continue to try because I am in no way perfect.

Bullies in whatever form they take, a teenage young man, an abusive parent or spouse, sibling, and boss are saying more about themselves in their actions then any words you might say. Bullies are weak and use their words and their cruelty to cover up their own weakness. When you understand this your voice becomes a way to stand up to it.

The Savior gave the commandment;

  34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

  35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

It doesn't mean we get to chose who we like and don't like, it doesn't mean that if a person is a different color, a different religion, a different sexual orientation that we become exempt from this. As much as there are some in this world that I have huge issues with it, my role, my calling, my Heavenly Father's expectation of me is to get over it and get along. PERIOD!

I have been bullied in my life and I am embarrassed to say I have done it. I am doing my best now to step back and truly be the kind of person the Savior, my parents, my family could be proud of.

11:19 PM, I just finished watching 20/20's show on Bullys in America,

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/TheLaw/school-bullying-epidemic-turning-deadly/story?id=11880841

How can we make a difference?

Courage By Any Other Name

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” ~ Mary Anne Radmacher

When I was wondering Banff National Park and W and I had parked the car, we wondered...... off the beaten path. We were in the swampy area of Vermilion's Lakes just walking forward, ever forward and it struck me to look back and there it was. Sister's on a dock to a lake surrounded by Autumn and it was perfect in every real way.

I have had a very rough few months. There is no need to go into detail but suffice it to say it was rocky. Looking back for a glimpse can make a wonderful landscape but staring for ever only makes the forward become lost. Forward is a good place to focus, I am looking forward.

I returned to Facebook this week and was gently surprised at all the well wishes and new friends that have connected to old friends who were waiting for a return. I am always so surprised by the adult lives we all have and the strength that so many are showing, it's so inspirational.

Busy is my noun for the next few weeks. Work is crazy so it's pretty much all I do. I look forward to the Winter and to Christmas. I am not looking forward to the ache of missing one, I hope she knows I love her.

Well reminiscing and looking forward aside, what a beautiful journey so far, how can forward not be a pleasant thought process.

These Old Men.

I have two old men in my life, both of whom I love dearly. It's ironic though because at this time, they are exactly the same age - Dog years to human years. They are both in their early 80's.

My Dad is a dog man but because of his extensive travels he hasn't owned one for years. When I was about 7 or 8; I remember the day clearly, we had just returned from Windermere and school had just started. It was a Saturday I think and all I recall clearly is being in front of the house and seeing Dad pull up in his truck. He was home from his geology camps up north. The truck door swung open and out jumped the most beautiful red setter type dog I had ever seen. The look on Grandma's face was priceless but to tell you the truth, I think she fell in love with Lady Dog that moment too.

When Dad was in town, Lady was all over it and when he was gone she belonged to the neighborhood. She was beautiful and she was our families first experience at dog ownership.

When I went to my parents house for the separation, Rocketman joined us. There were 4 of us coming to the house and the empty nest filled quickly. I was so concerned at Dad's reaction but he was welcoming because I know he felt that this was something my family needed. His way of giving at a time when acceptance was so important. Rocky hadn't spent much time with Dad but once we arrived the bond was instantaneous.

To this day, saying to Rocky - "Want to go to Grandpa's house?" puts him into over drive and he circles you tell he is safely in the car and on his way. When we got there yesterday, Grandpa wasn't home yet so he wondered everywhere looking for him. The door opened and he was all over it, not to mention Grandpa had chicken. I see these two together and it makes me smile.

A man who loves dogs is a man worth knowing! 

The Lives of Others

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.” ~ Paulo Coelho

I was pretty sure I was going to just leave this subject alone but alas, I think my two cents are worth sharing.

Because of my "spiritual time-out" this weekend I did not hear conference live. I love conference and so Sunday night I listened to what was available on YouTube. By Monday you could download MP3 versions of all of conference which is what I did and by Wednesday I had pretty much heard it all. There were great talks and wonderful sentiments and yes - even controversial ones but alas, what good conference wouldn't prick the ears of the listeners and make them say..... "Did he really just say that?"

YUP, he really did.

Here's one I just loved by President Monson given to the Women at the "Women's Broadcast"

"None of us is perfect. I know of no one who would profess to be so. And yet for some reason, despite our own imperfections, we have a tendency to point out those of others. We make judgments concerning their actions or inactions.
There is really no way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.”

LOVED IT - and the rest of the talk was equally amazing.

Another by the apostle PER G Malm;

"In our day-to-day actions, it is often the small and simple things that will have a long-lasting impact. What we say, how we act, and how we choose to react will influence not only ourselves but also those around us. We can build up, or we can tear down. A simple and positive example is a story told about my grandmother. She sent one of her young children to buy some eggs. The trusted child was probably joyfully walking home along the road, but most of the eggs were broken when the child arrived home. A friend of the family was there and admonished my grandmother to scold the child for behaving so badly. Instead, Grandmother calmly and wisely said, “No, that will not make the eggs whole again. We will simply use what we can and make some pancakes that we can enjoy together.”

And something I had learned very well in these last few months, thank-you President Uchtdorf;

"The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the simple and beautiful truths revealed to us by a caring, eternal, and all-knowing Father in Heaven. These core doctrines and principles, though simple enough for a child to understand, provide the answers to the most complex questions of life.
There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions."

So as you can see from just a few examples that there were many wise and wonderful words of wisdom shared and yet, it seems, a lot of Internet chat is revolving around one talk that I first saw on Youtube, listened to on Monday and read today. Wow, deep and rigid for sure but in remembering that, though these men are apostles they are also men, this too is way out of proportion but I can surely see how hurtful it can be taken.

You know already how I feel about Prop 8. http://oilgirl.blogspot.com/2009/03/big-love.html and when it comes to an opinion of homosexuality I plead the fifth because above everything else I believe in people and in compassion and in love and the bottom line is, I have no idea of walking those shows but from those I know who do, I admire and respect the fact that their lives are theirs to own and whether God agrees or not is truly NONE OF MY BUSINESS!

What am I on about.

My personal witness to the chaos when personal judgements make demands and scream out, not just to be heard but to deny whatever truth for themselves they advocate, GAY OR NOT, is simply against what I think God would have us do. Extremes on either side do not heal but harm dialogue and make it difficult to truly exercise God's love.

I don't have answers and I don't pretend to know, but what I think is that exclusion is painful and no one questioning they sexuality needs more pain than they already have. Love, encourage and acceptance of choice or lack there of; depending on how you see it, is going to make this argument go away.

Here's what I know. My Mom was a florist and for the 15 years I worked with her I met many who were Gay and ALL of them were children of our Heavenly Father. They were loving and compassionate and please remember that this was during the AIDS epidemic, so it is safe to say that nearly all of the men I met thru Mom have since passed. My mother taught me an important lesson that transcends all prejudices... you know the one.... the one about walking in their shoes.

In my youth I was given the opportunity to be friends with two incredible human beings. Both were high achievers, priesthood holders and wonderful men. I watched them struggle through the years, the unanswered replies to why they weren't married and when I was about 30 I think I started to realize their sexual orientation. Each passing I could see their internal struggles, hitting 30 and moving to the family ward was so hard to watch and this is when things started to change for them. One chose to stay in the church, the other chose to leave. Two divergent paths and they both have happy and productive lives. I can't speak much to their struggles excepting what I observed and I admire the hell out of both of them. I have seen the struggles of their families as they grasped the realities of same sex attraction and I have admired these parents as they embraced both of these men. I can't imagine the intensity of pain that must be involved in this journey.

What I do know is what my Heavenly Father expectations of me. He would ask that I love both equally and see they greatness, which I do.

President Packer spoke to what is his truth and witness, clearly from the rewording that was done for the text version you can see a church that is trying hard to grasp a very delicate situation and like my Father in Heaven's expectation of inclusion of my good friends with same sex attraction, I too must respect Brother Packer's words. I cannot nor will I ever have or share an opinion that takes away my belief that God is a loving and compassionate God of whom HE alone has the wisdom to understand this very difficult situation.

So what am I on about.

Holy crap, how many great talks were there. Talks filled with love and hope and acceptance, charity, kindness and compassion and all the world seems to care about is one talk. For me, I will be that member who embraces ANYONE who walks through the door of the gospel I love so dearly. I applaud difference because it is in the sameness that reflections of Satan's plan of Salvation ring similar. Heaven knows that I have experience in being fringe in a culture that is afraid of difference.

Really, when you get down to it - Love is a binding truth and finding it; the key to a recipe of truly ENJOYING THE JOURNEY. How one defines that Love is between God and the individual. All GOD asks of me is to love with a charity that transcends hate or exclusion of any kind.

Renewal, and Transformation

“Nature often holds up a mirror so we can see more clearly the ongoing processes of growth, renewal, and transformation in our lives.”
~ unknown

This is why I love the mountains so much!

Hi All, we are back and I have been zenned! I can't think of a better way to find yourself that to take yourself to the mountains with the love of your life and truly just zen! I have been renewed and I am forever in debt to this new man of mine who with great patience knew this is exactly what I needed, thank-you W, you are amazing!

We laughed, I cried, and we traveled.... literally over 1000kms searching the beauty that makes this National Park so wonderful. It wasn't just Banff National Park either, it was a hint of Jasper and then a lot of Peter Lougheed Provincial, Kanasaskis, and then, of all places, Highwood cus goodness knows the straightest way from Canmore to Calgary may be 80 km but why not go the long way around..... all 285 kms through some of the most untouched, beautiful roads you have ever seen!

I knew I was going to be okay when I took W to my riverbed, the place I moarned Mom's death, where I took D and he threw rocks for three hours while he purged his Dad's leaving and where I let go all the pain of the divorce and I just shared the beauty of the place and managed this sweet shot which it metaphoric, because my mountains truly are becoming pebbles sooner than ever before!

So, yes, you really can feel the weight of the world and you can let it go by simply removing yourself for some time and renewing and finding in yourself the ability to let it go for a time and be again, just be. I love my man for having the where with all to have the ability to do crazy things like taking off for a weekend and finding the beauty that reminds just WHO is the answer to it all.



And in case I forgot just how wonderful being there was, just sitting on the banks of Johnson Lake when really, there was just W and I there and every reflection of every tree and mountain was seen on a pristine, untouched lake, I started to remember how lucky I have been, how blessed I truly am to have the life I do.

And just to be reminded, on the river bed where I went soooo many times to pray and reflect and find peace... well, W was walking down the river bank and found this, poetic hey! It's like someone knew that someone like me would need a bit of a refresher to know exactly why my song is so strong up there in those mountains!

Time to Climb

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.” ~ John Muir


My mountains are calling as they have so many times in the past. When I get there I feel safe and warm and home. I can’t tell you how much these great edifices of granite are my song, my very soul. Within them is God’s greatest handiwork; the shear amount of force necessary to make them magnificent speaks volumes to life’s trials and how they bring beauty to your own soul. I am home when my soul sings for rest in the Rockies. I begin feeling close and feeling safe. My W is taking me to rest, to be home.


For the life of me, I can’t tell you why I feel so attached to these great mountains. Maybe it was all the times when I was so young and Dad would take us skiing or travelling through to Comox or simply it was just looking west for most of my life and they were always there, solid and true. Anyway you feel it; it just is the places I go to think things through and to make things somehow make sense. The Rockies are my Liahona.


I spent most of last night in tears, lost and feeling like my world is begging to be turned upright. W with great patience is understanding and loving and caring, something so new to me from a husband and yet so cherished. He packed our food and bag and he knew, it is time to head west and to rest and purge and refresh because the world I have isn’t changing, my attitude is and it needs an adjustment desperately.


We will walk, we will drive and we will feel the beauty and JOY. I can’t wait to smell the crispness of Autumn and to feel the leafs crush under my feet as we walk by Bow Falls or smell the fudge cooking at the Fudge store on Main Street and stop to pick up Boo’s favorite caramel, marshmallow and pecan suckers you can only find there. We will have a fire and I will renew and I will come back ready to take on this world that can be sometimes so overwhelming.


I can’t even express my gratitude for my life and for all that is mine to make these rough times so much easier. How can you express your very soul’s JOY of renewal and rebuilding and finding strength?


This is a hard weekend for me; it’s a hard time of year. The anniversary of Mom’s death is coming and it is at this time I am reminded of what she was to me, what her strength and wisdom brought to me when times were hard. I ache that she was never able to meet W and to know that I was able to finally feel the kind of marriage love that binds two people. To feel safe and to express opinion without fear of criticism or abuse and to hear the words I’m sorry and to say them and know they are heartfelt and meant. To feel whole – finally – in the way the scriptures describe an eternal love.


I am going to my mountains and I will return ready to take on the stress and to move forward and to find a way to heal and maybe I will be able to find a voice that might be heard so that I can resolve those things left burdening me.


I Love the Mountains, I truly do!

So Tired.

I have no quote or special words of wisdom this time, just pure honesty and I hope you will understand.

I am tired of the battle, I am tired of waiting and hoping the the faith I love so much will be a place I feel welcome. My life is a series of ironies that unless you walk my path with my shoes you can never really understand.

The church, for me, has been a place of refuge and a place of hate. I have faced the greatest challenges walking through the doors and with everything I have been through it feels now like the last place that won't forget.

For years, members have been the best people in my life and the worst. My greatest cheering section and those that throw the hardest stones. I can't keep it up anymore, I just can't, it's too hard.

For a long time, every Saturday night, after the dances, our house would get egged, These same kids would show up on Friday to swim, or hang out. Can I mention the sign that proclaimed my daughter to be... well, we won't go there, but Mormon girls again and yet, I hung on, to be the anchor for my kids, to show them that this religion I loved had good in it, that their were good people.

As I went through the divorce I saw sides of the Priesthood that gave me hope but there was also those high priests who made it a point to let me know what they thought of me, all because my ex had to let people know that he was "blameless" and that it was me, unrighteous, unholy me that made it all wrong. It wasn't the years of ternary, the name calling, the absolute abuse. That of course never happened in the church, but alas, we all know each other so well from the three hours we spend together every week.

I know, it's sounding half empty again but I am defeated. I can't fight this anymore. I can't keep defending a faith that is just so determined to judge and to criticize. If my ex had of left the church, had an affair, done some misdeed that wasn't up to the interpretation of men afraid to make a stand, my fate would be much different.

It's funny, there isn't an argument from any of the professionals that dealt with out family. It was ABUSE, the worst case some had seen in all the years of their practice but when the Bishop who tried to make him accountable stood up to him, the Stake backed down, he was one of them, it is true what they say.... they do have each others back.

3 years ago a Bishop made a request of me, don't fight, try to do it on your own. I did that, now I have asked his help. M is working now, has been for over a year. A righteous man, an honorable man, a decent man would step up and start supporting his SON, not make excuses, not continue the abandonment. Please, I asked, appeal to his Bishop, someone help us....... NOPE, nothing just like the 7 months I have been waiting for something to start on the cancellation, you know, that open, hurting, awful wound we had to open up to move forward on our new lives.

I'm sad, hurt, and scared. I want the church and faith I love not to be a painful place I visit every week as I try to undo the verbal damage my ex still exudes on my family to this day. I want accountability and will never see it happen, I want peace and hope and it feels just empty and lost.

If you wonder why people stop attending church.... think of me. Think of 5 years of putting up with the gossip and the meanness. I need a reason to want to be there and I can't find one right now, I can't find a purpose to keep trying, it hurts to keep trying.

My daughters tell me there is an inevitable amount of freedom when you don't hear the hushed whispers, when you don't hear the cruel words of judgement from a group of people professing not to judge. It's funny, I was with K2 and we went to pick something up from a place that was owned by Mormons. The girl recognized her and as she did, her whole demeanor changed and that "self righteousness and mean spiritedness came out from this young woman who professes to be so good. K2 blew it off, says that it's normal from the Mormons when they run across her.... she's used to it. It just made me sad, made me wonder again why I try.

I spend 90% of my time away from Mormons now and 90% of my day goes well. Astounding isn't it.

I have been asked to give a talk on testimony. It's the only thing that makes me go these days and even it comes under criticism. I'm not sure I have the heart to do it.

W is taking me to the mountains. He is my rock through these tough times. I love him more than you will ever know. I have now waited longer than my ex did to get his clearance and I know I have much longer to wait because my Bish hasn't even sent the papers in, he hasn't called M and he hasn't been my advocate to M's bishop. It's funny, I guess in the end I know that even being married to W for the short time that I have, a temple marriage isn't going to change just how wonderful that this has been for me, how wonderful it continues to be.

Can someone give me reason to keep trying, why be where you aren't wanted or needed. I have signed up to volunteer through the city, I am hoping that I can find purpose in serving others. Service is a way to get out of the pity party and if I have to serve outside the walls of my faith, I will.

I am sorry if I have offended some of you, I didn't mean to, but if there is someone in your ward and they are struggling, please reach out. It could mean a world of difference to them and it could be the very reason why they decide to try one more week. What I would give to feel like I belonged,like my being there mattered.

Ghosts and Other Such Disturbances

Rocky has taken to barking at the walls, the ceilings and the unknown ghosts that seem to be roaming through the house. It's not an out of control hysterical bark but more a shallow and sutler way of letting whoever is bothering him that he knows their there and he just wants to be left alone.

This old soul was old the very day we picked him up almost 9 1/2 years ago. He is the quintessential "perfect" dog and mostly he just chills and loves and cuddles and puts up with this home of ours that seems full of people determined to mess up his calm zen lifestyle.

Lately, however, he has been speaking to the air. Out of the blue, he'll look up and just speak to let whatever it is that is bothering him that he's around and that he is aware. My mind goes to places like, Mom is here and just letting us feel her or the woman who lived here for 30 years is checking out the changes but anyway you look at it, Rocky is feeling or seeing something and letting us all know it's here.

Sometimes he gruffs and speaks on and on and he gets this look, the one in the picture, where you know he just wants a break. It's funny, I never thought that this sweet old soul would hold so much of the hearts of the people in our family.

Rocky finally settled and took up his spot whereupon he fell fast asleep and started snoring... a puppy snore, and I then realize that the gentle hum of Rock makes my world a better place.

Can you Take the Mormon Out?

Fall is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE time of year. When I was at BYU I would drive home for a weekend just to smell the air here because Fall doesn't smell the same anywhere else. The farmers market's at bristling with people and the fruits and vegetables are to die for. Can you smell the Kettle Corn being made and feel the crisp cold that says winter is knocking. Today was no different... well, maybe warmer than usual but wow, the Farmer's market was great and today, BBG 3 came with because it was Salsa Day!

K2 joined us when we got home and thus started Salsa day. Par boiling tomatoes - Roma this time - tons of peppers and onions, I am still crying and something new - salsa seasoning. Pica Picante' Salsa seasoning which I think made it extra yummy this year!

This time, the girls found some of my old quilting fabric and decided to "dress it up" some because heaven knows you make salsa to give away! No worries though, we held some back for ourselves this time. I can hardly wait for the next few weeks while it rests so the flavours can infuse through the bottles!

All packed up at the end of the day..... I don't know what makes me feel more whole, harvesting and canning from the bounties of the harvest or spending the day with the girls doing something we love, hard to say!

And now, because we have Wayne around and he is the ultimate canner - go figure, the one who didn't grow up Mormon is the best canner of us all, we added something new this year! We are all over the moon because we've never done it before but LOVE-LOVE-LOVE PICKLES!!!!

Can you believe how lucky we are!!! YUMMY!

To Grandma P

“I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, I am getting along, I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I’ve come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe the delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them…” ~Anne Dillard

There’s a bridge on an obscure road to a place no one really cares about that has such a life analogy for me that going to it gives me a sense of attachment. As you are travelling through the wide expanse of the prairies heading east on an almost level horizon you come across what is known as coulee. It literally can come out of nowhere and is the result of a river that has carved it's path into geological history, it has eroded it’s life on the landscape and what is left is a merandering valley that has a small river or creek ebbing it’s way through it. This coulee is near Blackie and as you arrive at it, to the left is a large chemical plant scarring the atmosphere, and to the right; what can only be described as a truly wonderful sight.

At the bottom of the coulee is a bridge; a one way bridge, that has corroded, rusted steel as it's main construction and a wooden plank base. It’s bright blue in colour and is, for some, a rather sore sight, but for me, a beautiful remnant of a life we have all left behind.

Every time we visit Wayne’s cousin we cross over this bridge and ever time I do I feel more safe on it than I ever have on the Ivor Bridge that expands the Bow River near the LaFarge plant here in Calgary. It’s a song I think, I am sure that this bridge has a place in my heart. Maybe because it reminds me of just how long my family has been around these parts or that it seems to be forgotten by the powers that be that always rip these kind of things down. Either way, me heart sings to its beauty.

It’s funny; just above the bridge on the top of the coulee is a 3 million dollar home that is for sale. A ranchers style home where you know they have been there a long time and value that land and the view from it's place above the coulee. I have often wondered why the owners haven’t demanded the bridge be replaced in consideration of the weather and all, but if I have such an attachment to it and I don’t even live there they must feel somehow the same.

The bridge reminds me of my Grandma P. All 4 foot 10 of her. Feisty, hard knocked and sweet. I don’t ever remember a raised voice or a course word, that was Grandpa P’s job. She was a city girl forced to the farm and she grinned and bore it. Egg money was her lifeblood for a while and the fall out was a bitter struggle with emphysema which never seemed to slow her down. She was the arms you fell into and the voice of reason. She taught the “Glass House” rules and she was a genuine soul. You felt home with her. She invited your love and gave it back ten fold.

Near the end, as cancer ravaged her body and age had crevassed the lines into her face she seemed so much more beautiful to me. She was so tiny and yet so strong and as she taught you how to make whipped short bread cookies or her famous ribs you felt like you were in the kitchen of a master chef and not a farm wife who came back to the city to retire.

I remember as a young girl, coming home from elementaryschool and as I would round the corner of our block I would see the little white Dynasty parked in front of my house my heart would leap with JOY and I would run, full out, because Grandma was there and that meant sugar sandwiches and love, the kind of love only a Grandma could have.

I miss her, like I miss my MOM. I pray always that I have in me their wisdom, their hopes and their way of loving.

Here’s to my legacy, to the gift I was granted of having such remarkable women to aspire me to be like them or at least strive to be and thank-you to the Big Guy because I have been truly blessed to be their daughter/grand daughter.