It Matters, It Really Matters

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”
~ John Wesley

I have been thinking for some time about the issue of bullies and all the news lately about them. When I first saw the news article about Tyler Clementi, the student at Rutgers who committed suicide, I was so moved by the hopelessness Tyler must have felt to have ended his life. Here was a young man, beyond talented, given a beautiful gift of music, a life to look forward to and it ended because he couldn't see a way out. The two students whose actions were the catalyst for Tyler's descent to hopelessness could not have imagined their actions would have resulted in his eventual suicide but could have known, should have known, they crossed a line. What would make two reasonable, responsible students going to a top notch university turn another person's life upside down, what would make two young people be so mean?

Where my girls were in school, at Beaverbrook, they was a strong core group of Mormons. I could tell you stories of just how mean this group could be but let me speak to once incident that made me embarrassed to belong to the faith I love so much.

One day, at around 5PM I got a call from a friend, a mother of a girl K1 danced with. She was livid. Her daughter, a stunningly beautiful girl, I think she was in Grade 10 at the time had been walking through the front foyer of the school. A bastion of Mormon boys had laid claim to the benches there and made it a point to cat call, ridicule and generally mock anyone, Mormon or not, who dared walk past. At this time, my girls hadn't yet felt the full on wave a Mormon backlash so this was really something new I was hearing. Mrs. G was by the front office and as her daughter walked past these 5 - 7 young priests; they were rentlentless. She was devastated, her daughter, humiliated and they walked out the front door absolutely in unbelief. She called me because she knew I was Mormon and wanted to know what she could do. Mrs G had called the school and their response was that they had already had the young men in their office with their parents and faced a wall of apathy. These boys were football players, honors students and for the most part, their actions seemed harmless. Harmless if it isn't your daughter. Who could she call to have these young men accountable for their actions. I gave her the Bishop's number as she already had their names and apologized that these boys would ever represent the Gospel in such a deplorable way.

The Bishop handled this and let's just say that the parents and the boys lacked the ability to feel responsible in any way. It made it more of a game to make this young woman's life even more difficult. In the end, the Mormon boys owned the front foyer and it was common knowledge that most everyone avoided it like the plague. Is this a form of bullying?

I have spoken to Mrs G on and off since. She still has strong words for the actions of these young men and what it has meant to her feelings about the church. I have expressed that she might need to maybe meet these young men now. They are returned missionaries, fathers, husbands and though they may not have acted honorably then, that for the most part they seem honorable now.

If, in your life, you have been a bully or been bullied the wonderful thing about life is the principle of "this too shall pass". I am sure there are many of us who would NEVER GO BACK if our lives depended on it. In a perfect world, cruelty wouldn't exist but this world is far from perfect. With that being said, what can we do, can we, as a single voice, make a difference?

YES!

Teach your children about fairness and tolerance and practise it yourself. I have strong feelings about some things but I have learned and continue to practise a policy of self accountability. My actions matter, they have an impact and I have tried my best to be the kind of person that people refer to as nice. My triggers still surface. Give me an intolerant, black and white Mormon and I have to take ten steps back to not lose my patience. It's my intolerance that will haunt me for a very long time.

I have stepped forward when I have felt that the words someone was using were too strong or incorrect, I have stepped away from friendships with people I find judgmental or cruel. I have learned the consequences of my own words and continue to try because I am in no way perfect.

Bullies in whatever form they take, a teenage young man, an abusive parent or spouse, sibling, and boss are saying more about themselves in their actions then any words you might say. Bullies are weak and use their words and their cruelty to cover up their own weakness. When you understand this your voice becomes a way to stand up to it.

The Savior gave the commandment;

  34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

  35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

It doesn't mean we get to chose who we like and don't like, it doesn't mean that if a person is a different color, a different religion, a different sexual orientation that we become exempt from this. As much as there are some in this world that I have huge issues with it, my role, my calling, my Heavenly Father's expectation of me is to get over it and get along. PERIOD!

I have been bullied in my life and I am embarrassed to say I have done it. I am doing my best now to step back and truly be the kind of person the Savior, my parents, my family could be proud of.

11:19 PM, I just finished watching 20/20's show on Bullys in America,

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/TheLaw/school-bullying-epidemic-turning-deadly/story?id=11880841

How can we make a difference?