People, even more than things.....

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."

So there are very few actors that I have any respect for. The price of fame costs them their very souls sometimes but every once in a while, one of them comes out with a bravado that takes them to the status of an Icon. Meet Audrey Hepburn.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

I received this poem in an email today. It made me smile and think about where I am today. It would have been 26 years. It only made it to 25. Who was I becoming in those first 25 years? Certainly not a woman of substance that is for sure.

So I took a hard look at myself today as I was doing my 7 KM’s and went through the changes that this past year has brought….. and I smiled even bigger.

All of that I am is a direct result of the tragic circumstances of my life. I changed the direction so that the outcome of those circumstances could be different. I am happier, more in tune, content, controlled and feeling like I am at peace now and none of that could be without having been through these last few years. It gives me the shivers to think about where I would have been otherwise.

My children are happier and living full and productive lives, maybe not on my terms, but on theirs, it isn’t the end of the world and I refuse to judge their eternities as well.

So I ask myself: Am I an Attractive woman? In regards to this poem, I am on my way. I believe that beauty is so internal that when it is at its purest form, no matter what the outside looks like, beauty is immeasurable.

I think that is what has changed the most about me. When I look at another person, I look beyond, without judgment, and see all that is offered. Usually, people have so much to give. People have been so generous and kind to me.

I still have emotional brain farts,(sorry for those with sensitive ears). Sometimes I forget my journey and speak to quickly. I am working on that.

So here’s to the celebration of a new anniversary. January 2. The day I became. The day I set myself free to become human and whole and at one.

Lady Bird Johnson - "Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them."

It took a few days to get up the gumption to write about this weekend. I sometimes have a difficult time digesting my life. It kind of hits be squarely in the jaw and demands I live up to it. Man, there are times when I don't want to do that.

This weekend, my two girls... K an K moved to Vancouver. I was the driver of the Uhaul. That was a whole new experience for me. I never thought that would be something I would do, but I did. Wow, sometimes I can't believe the things I am doing now.. go figure.

There I was, at the Rogers Pass, travelling to the tunes on K's IPod an B-A-M I started to cry. Straight out of nowhere I might add. I'm thinking I am one heck of a nut case and then I reach into the recesses of my heart to realize I am going to miss my babies. No way was I going to let them know. The tears flowed all the way to Salmon Arm and beyond but I think I got them all out.

I MISS THEM, but I am glad they're gone. It was time. I think they're wrapped fairly well for the real world and maybe, just maybe, as the P blessing says, they will be known throughout the world for the things that they can accomplish.

You go Girls!

She is a Friend of Mine.

She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. ~ Toni Morrison

I met a friend for lunch today. I don’t know if she can ever realize how much I appreciate her friendship. You see, she’s been around since I was 6 and she was 3. It’s a result of a great Visiting teaching partnership. Our Mom’s went out together, which is in itself a shock, and we tagged along. We connected and stayed that way, on and of, since.


Our Ex’s interfered for a bit. I’d say mine more than hers and we lost contact but there is just a connection that draws you back and you realign to know that you were always meant to be kindred. We are so kindred.


She was the second wheel on most of my dates as a youth and she’s been a super strength in understanding this journey, both the good and the bad of it. She’s a hell of a lot tougher than she thinks but never considers her journey as having been hard. I wish she would cut herself a break once in a while.


When I see people that have been friends with someone for as long as C and I have been, I see it as a treasure. I didn’t have a little sis so the BIG GUY decided to send a surrogate. Thank you to however was inspired some 40 odd years ago to make the unlikely pairing of HB and JL. I doubt they ever could have imagined.


And to my friend C, my official steady Tuesday lunch date, thank-you. You give so much more than you take and deserve more than you’ll ever think you do. :0) and love is coming, you have way to kind of a heart not to be blessed that way.

Enough Already!

I am not a fan of busy days. Work, at this time of year, gets overwhelming and when I get home all I want to do is just phase down and relax. Most often I can do this, especially when my house is quiet and not a lot of demands are made, ie. Church meetings or driving D somewhere ect.


Yesterday, I turned on the boob tube and was inundated with political reporting of the most bizarre kind. Here was a self described, serious news channel devoting much of it’s time to the MySpace page of a kid who knocked up the Republican Vice Presidential Nominees daughter and how “kids are just something he doesn’t want!” PLEASEEEEEEE!!!!!!


Do we not have more important things to consider with Ms. Palin than the tragic and no doubt difficult circumstances her family faces and should for ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES face privately? GIVE ME A BREAK CNN, this girl is seventeen and pregnant, don’t you think she’s going through enough without your gossip girl reporting, to the world I might add, of her unpleasant situation.


And do you really think that I am stupid or ridiculous enough to want that to be the most important news of the day? Can you give me a break here? Is this what Americans want? Report the news and let this family deal with a significantly difficult situation with dignity and honor. AND BY THE WAY, if Ms. Palin were a man, would this family crisis have made the news? I seriously doubt it?


Now the kicker; the Kaunas moment that ticked me off the most.


The news report than went on to question whether Ms. P even had the Down syndrome baby that this young girl was holding in her arms at the convention. They were suggesting that it was a cover up. PLEASEEEEEEEE!

They followed the goings on of this candidate as she had the unfortunate circumstance of her water breaking in Texas and then getting on a plane and traveling to Alaska to have the baby and bypassing a number of hospitals to have it delivered in her hometown. They were insinuating that she, in fact, wasn’t even pregnant and that it was her daughter who was and she had to travel like that to just meet up with her.

PLEASEEEEEEEE!

She knew the baby had complications and went to be with the doctor who had probably been with her through the pregnancy. As a woman I understand this. A doctor in a situation like this is vital to the emotional process of the birth. If I was comfortable with my Doctor knowing I was about to go in to a high risk birth, I would travel to the ends of the earth to be with that doctor.
Well, I was exhausted… and mad. Is this what politics have become?

The saving grace, a short news brief on a different channel, I might add, with Barack Obama pleading with the cameras to let this election be about the politics and leave this girl alone. Yeah!!!!!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not letting him out of the woods. These politic monster machines have become the abscessed entities that they are and it will take strong leaders to stop the spit spinning and change the direction of years of back biting and down right nastiness. The republicans will have to rise above this and not retaliate. Can it be done? Lets hope so!
Just as an aside. CNN, please go back to reporting the real news. Here’s some things that should have garnered your more appropriate attention.

* Pakistan’s PM escapes assassination bid
* N. Korea said to be rebuilding nuke plant
* 2nd Russian journalist in 3 days killed


These are legitimate news stories that may well affect the future that involves all of us. And because Ms. Palin is going through what she is going through and still able to be one of the best Governors the state of Alaska has had maybe just maybe this world can take notice and let her run on her merits of work done in Alaska not the shenanigans of her 17 year old daughter, PS…. Don’t throw stones in glass houses BABY!

Stinky Farts or Fluffs for those with sensitive Ears.

So having a boy last has been a very adventurous journey for me. The three girls were so different and each day with D is just so exciting.

Yesterday, my poor precious Rocky had tummy troubles. He wanted some lovin and attention so he stayed pretty close. There was one problem though. Stinky silent farts. Now, human fluff bombs are bad but a pint size cutie with a sore tummy from dumpster diving can illicit some pretty hefty odors. Which he did.

To top it off, the Big D was trying to out do him. I have a very sensitive tummy and that much fragrance just about made me toss the cookies, really!

The girls are moving this weekend. I will only have the boys and I am worried. Is my future one big smelly night after another. I am looking forward to less estrogen but even puppy testosterone can be overwhelming.

Well, heres to teaching my son the proper etiquette of fluffs and being a teenager, and to keeping the garbage high enough to avoid any further dumpster diving smell bombs.

It should be an interesting year.

Testimonies and Weddings.

I had an interesting day today. My most incredible son gave his first talk as a priest. He told me about it earlier in the week and convinced me that he had the whole thing under control. When he came to me, last night at 11:30pm and told me he might not have been completely honest about that, I was able to teach him a valuable lesson on personal responsibility. I gave him limited guidance and told him it was his talk, his worry, and went to bed. I didn't get to sleep until nearly 5:30 am because I was so worried. I shouldn't have.

D has such an incredible depth to his precious young soul. I know it comes from the suffering he has gone through because of his illness. He gave one of the most touching and spiritual talks I have heard on prayer.

Here's an excerpt;

"I have had a number of experiences with prayer. As a little child my parents taught me that prayer was very important. I realized very early that many times prayer can help you make very difficult decisions easy. When I was young, I had a lot of health problems. I remember praying often just to stop the pain. Those prayers were always answered and even though I know that my trials make me stronger, having my prayers answered has made me spiritually stronger. "

He then spoke about an answer to prayer he received to know if the church was true. All I can say is WOW. Sometimes the strongest testimonies come from the most plainly spoken words. I am so proud of all my children but today I was especially proud of him, not because of his testimony, but because of his inward strength.

I had to leave right after his talk to attend a wedding of a dear friends daughter. Here we were standing in the cold pouring rain and I felt the spirit again. I stood there and watched as this incredible extended family of a displaced Irish community gathered in support of one of their own. A fractured family put aside differences and stood together, a daughter honored her mothers efforts and included her in the walk down the isle and all of us watched as an incredible girl began her new journey. I was so honored to be there and to stand with them.

I had an awesome day and realized the spirit can be felt in a pew in the chapel and the banks of the Bow all withing a few hours of each other. God is so great!

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth...

It is easier to perceive error than to find truth, for the former lies on the surface and is easily seen, while the latter lies in the depth, where few are willing to search for it. ~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

So you can take this any way you want but as I read this quote it helps me understand the WWW and whats required to really know what it is you are searching for. Really, just google in your own name and see of you find anything about yourself? Even add your city and see just how accurate it is. Get my point. The WWW is great for looking things up but how much of what you get is truth and how much is a perceived truth.


Do you know what Internet apostasy is? It's real and out there and affecting so many people. I have read so much about our church and questioned so much. Answers are harder and harder to get but really in the end, it's about prayer. And reality is, sometimes people don't get the same answers. So then what?


As my wise Dr. W taught to me. I have to know that for me this works. So here's my declaration.
For me, this gospel works. As I try to live it, I make mistakes but mostly I am better for being Mormon. I choose this, as difficult as it is, because I do have a testimony.


I may not fit the perfect Mormon mold but my mold is unique and valuable. I bring to this church reality. It can be difficult and getting through it is the journey....Zen and all!

Hope and Healing in Recovering from Abuse

http://lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=610fbf9cd2f0c110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

When You Think You Know.

I have been thinking lately that I might need to cave again. It's kind of like circling the wagons and regrouping. My whole truths and loves have been challenged and finding my truth again is easier when I seek for myself.
There is this amazing article in the Ensign this month about abuse survivors. See, it's still hard to write that, or for that matter,even say it. But the truth is that as I read the article tears started flowing from my eyes as someone had touched a part of my soul that just isn't meant to be touched.
You see, when you come from this there are times when you feel totally crazy and wonder if anyone will take you seriously or think that sanity is ever going to be part of your soul again. I love who I am becoming but I still hurt and so do my kids. Sometimes people don't get it and more than that, I am tired of being a burden.
There will come a time when I won't hurt anymore. I am past the angry stage but now I am on a journey to rediscover who I was meant to be.
I think I need to be alone, for a bit. I think I need to find my testimony again.

All of us driven by a simple belief that the world as it is just won't do — that we have an obligation to fight for the world as it should be.

So last night I was relaxing after a mind draining day at work and came across the National Democratic Convention on T.V.
Now, let’s make this perfectly clear. I am not a political junkie and really was about to change the channel to something more interesting when I was caught by the woman speaking. Michelle Obama.
You know words impress me and I was very riveted by the eloquent way in which she was speaking and by the context she was using. Here was a politician speaking about families and daughters and the love she had for her husband, for giving up the proverbial rat race of riches and toys to pursue reality and helping a fellow man. All this from a democrat. Go figure.
I am not American, but I wish I was. Finally, a politician who isn’t thinking of the bottom line but who might just have the heart of an everyday family as its call. Somehow, I am sure, that the definition of that family isn’t going to supersede the help they want to provide for it. That God can concern himself with how that family should be defined and that a government can concern itself by reaching out to all people, no matter how they define themselves.
Yeah, I know, that doesn’t sound very Mormon of me. I do believe that families should be as described in the proclamation but reality is that not everyone else does and to force my opinion or belief that it should be the only opinion that matters is against what I know the plan of salvation to be. I can’t and won’t judge another. I can’t. I have too much in my own closet to work through that I can’t take a chance at judging anyone else.
So here’s to Michelle Obama. Someone who has the courage to declare her overriding concern for her own children and for believing that making their world better will ultimately make a better world. For acknowledging that parents, both Father and Mother make a huge difference in the outcome of the raising of a child. For acknowledging that single parents can just as easily raise a child with high standards and values, though more difficult, and that if we as a society reach beyond our potentials and support one another along the way, society becomes all the better for having done so.
When I think about the above quote I believe in my heart that the agenda that should be met is not just mine but a moral conscious that takes in all thoughts and processes. That religion should not determine value but those values should be brought back to our religions and that living is done as a collective to insure that all have access to a better life.
So here I sit in Canada wondering if I will ever be afforded a choice that will coincide with the values and dreams I have for my future, my children’s future and my grandchildren’s future. I doubt that. What I will have is a bunch of stubborn bureaucrats that spend all their time name calling and accusing the others of political misdeeds that bind up my government like fiber does to a body, constipating any hope for a brighter and more enlightened future.
Oh Canada!