Truth

"Truth is not exciting enough to those who depend on the characters and lives of their neighbors for all their amusement."
~George Bancroft

Wow, I had a big life lesson recently and I had wondered if I could write about it. I have thought about it and realised that I should share this. It's a big one.

Being gossiped about has become common for me. It's the culture and the result of a high profile life in it. I have mostly tried to stay away from it but every once in a while, the rumours kind of slap me up side the head with the bad behavior of people who believe what they heard.

It makes church very hard and I could spend an enormous amount of time fighting it but I have such a strong testimony of truth and it's eventual revelation. Truth always rise and clears the rumours, it is only time that is needed.

This week however, I felt it too close and with all the recent drama I was almost crushed. What I heard was heartbreaking and seemed so unreal and the reality is the person telling me was in no way gossiping. She had been speaking to someone and had heard what was being said and knew, from her experience with my girls that evening in Comox that what was said just wasn't true. Even the person who said it wasn't accusing me but more trying to find reason in something so unreasonable she couldn't wrap her head around it. My friend spoke to what she knew first hand and the other women heard but in the telling of the story I became devastated. I loved this women and her husband was my Bishop for a time. They have known me since I was 10 years old and the thought that they were hearing and maybe even questioning nearly broke my heart.

Normally, I let this go but this time it was enveloping me and I could feel that it may have been something that needed addressed. I overreacted and with the wise council of friends and a Bishop they could see that this one was hurting. They all suggested to wait and then to discuss with them my truths.

I waited a few days, went to the temple and had an even more difficult time because the worst of the gossip was spread around by people that were working at the temple. I knew I needed to be there but I doubt I have faced anything as hard since first leaving my marriage. The temple for most is a place of peace and for me, with great effort, it can be.

I decided I needed to talk to these people. I couldn't let the 35 years of knowing them not at least mean trying to figure out how not to be hurt. I called and asked if they could come visit or I visit them. They chose to come to my home and I was glad because I knew that when they came in, they would be able to feel the change, the peace, that resides here. A peace that was never a part of the old home.

I started by telling them that I cared to much about the relationship we have to let my heart turn against them because I was making assumptions. These people were not gossip mongers. They have lived a difficult life being victims of gossip themselves and I just knew that we could have an open and honest conversation.

I am so glad that I faced my fear and rather than confront, I chose to converse and have an honest and open discussion where we could share the truths we knew for ourselves. Both sides have truth but is when the another's truth becomes force and only allows itself to be truth that it becomes ugly. This is the heart of the gossip that is being spread.

I have always accepted that there are two sides, it's why I share little of the details and only when necessary but even then, this is getting old.

The end was an understanding of just how difficult living under gossip is especially when it's coming from those that work at the temple. The mastermind of it will probably never stop so as I see it I have two choices. I can either buckle and walk away or just trust that in time, truth will prevail.

I have made many mistakes but I have never been afraid of understanding them and then changing. It's in those that continually fight the windmills where the battle is pointless.

The scriptures talk about being open and discussing differences to meet resolve. I have learned that when people come to fully resolve differences in the spirit of truth and honesty, any relationship can be saved.

Saving this friendship has been worth it. Overcoming my fears and approaching this in a spirit of openness and peace has made years of bad feeling only last moments and learning a very valuable lesson about assumption.