"Most of us serve our ideals by fits and starts. The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly. That is dedication."
Cecil B. DeMille

If you look at life as one continual long endurance marathon and that with each new year another mile is added can you ascertain where you are in that race now? If you had known, earlier on, that it was such a race, would you have trained harder or differently? I was thinking about this the other day and wondered, is this all really worth it in the end? What’s the reward?

And why, after so many years does your outlook on life change so dramatically?

I remember being a young mom and thinking how life was just beginning and how scared I was about the world and what was out there for my kids. I was concerned for their health and well being and it never occurred to me that I would be or that they would be where they are now. Oh sure, K1 was always going to be a dancer, no doubt, and K2, was destined for the life she is living, K3 and D are still young and making decisions but my life as it is has become so much different than what I had expected it would be and the funny thing is, I am not disappointed at all in the outcome. Sad, maybe but overall very content and sure that this is the path I was supposed to take.

So what am I on about?

If you could do it all over again would you change anything if you had the chance?

I just finished reading the most amazing book called, "Mutant Message from Forever" by Marlo Morgan. What an amazing book. It follows the lives of twin "Lost Generation" aboriginal children from their birth to their eventual reconnection and how their lives, though on very similar paths, diverged completely different. What fascinated me the most was the direction supposed good intentioned, well meaning religious people took and how little those intentions serviced the needs of the children themselves.

The book speaks to the difference between observation and judgment. It gave me a perspective I hadn’t thought of before. When one judges he/she places an onus on him/herself that requires forgiveness. The two go hand in hand. In contrast, when one observes they are allowing the "freedom" given by the "oneness" to proceed on their own chosen Spiritual path which leaves it’s direction at the judgment of "One".

It was enlightening to think that by simply observing and offering no conclusion or thought that you can have ultimate freedom. It gives each of us the God given right to exercise the Plan and the freedom of judgment from others while we do it. It’s a profound concept and when exercised, very liberating. I have tried to look at my surroundings from this point of view and I can already feel the burdens lifting. Letting go of the whys and simply living in the "now" is still very much in keeping with the doctrines I have learned to love my whole life. The system is set up for those with the authority to judge and even then, issues may arise. Heaven knows I understand that and when I spend my time in the frustration of it. I lose.

Looking at it through observation you are able to see the benefits of life and the blessings you have. The aboriginal people gave thanks for all things throughout the entire day from the rain falling to the wildlife offered up for sustenance. If we all simply lived a life of gratitude and observance, the turmoil of past burdens would lessen and healing would accelerate. It would make for a very full and rewarding life.

I have often wondered if in these native religions, the basics remain pure and intact and understanding them can bring us closer to where we need to be.

I love the gospel so much and I am continually astounded at, when lived purely, the answers to most of life’s difficult questions can be found. The culture has interrupted the basics and moving beyond it and looking deep you can see the goodness that resides within.

My Non Member friends often say that "you’re nothing like most Mormon’s I know; you don’t think you are better than us". When I first heard this I would get so sad, is that really the message we send out there? I think that in the excitement of what we have we sometimes forget the feelings of others.

I’ve stopped starting and stopping and now I move through my life. If by observing others I lose the judgment and I can also then lose the comparison I will steadily move through to a positive conclusion in the end.

My Mom could do this so well. She had five very completely different kids and she was able to make us all feel as if we were the most special without putting one ahead of the other by virtue of what we were accomplishing. It seemed as if she knew our very souls and celebrated the differences. She was very much an observer.

I may never be a leader again or deemed an important person in my spiritual culture by I will be an observer and a contributor which in the end, I think is what is expected. I spent so much of my time before in the who’s of the culture and changing that to the living of it, just for me, has become very rewarding and an inspiring journey. Here’s the catch though. I don’t think this is as much about an AHA moment as it is about the cycle of maturing and living. When you think of all the experiences, both good and bad, that I have lived through how can you not grow? It just seems logical.

What’s sad is that because I belong to a culture that devalues a person because of divorce my experiences are never truly shared as a way for others to grow or for that matter, the vise versa. I have a very good Bishop though who just called a single divorced woman as the RS president. A is amazing and is already proving that her experiences have made her an incredible woman to hold that calling and to have the compassion required for all the sisters in the organization. Thank goodness for a forward thinking man who can get past the culture and hear the whisperings of guidance so that all can be considered and that life’s experiences don’t limit future experiences.

I like the straight and narrow of my winding path. I love that not everyone’s path is the same. Thank goodness because sameness is simply boring and I doubt anyone would ever descried me as boring.