My Talk

When Brother Mullhull called and asked me to speak in Sacrament Meeting I was a caught a bit off guard. Before I knew what I was saying I had agreed. I wrote down the scripture reference for my topic and thanked him, in a jesting kind of way and continued on with the rest of my day. As I retired that evening I opened my scriptures and looked up the reference. My reaction then was, “Man Gerry, I thought you were my friend?”

2 Nephi 2; 27-28

27 Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

28 And now, my sons, I would that ye should look to the great Mediator, and hearken unto his great commandments; and be faithful unto his words, and choose eternal life, according to the will of his Holy Spirit;

Out of context the message of the scriptural reference is pretty apparent. We have agency and we must exercise it wisely.

Now let’s place the scripture back into context discuss how it finds itself in the words of Nephi.

As Brother Robert D Hales explains;

Father Lehi, the first prophet recorded in the Book of Mormon, also chose to follow the Lord. He was instructed to “take his family and depart into the wilderness.” 1 Despite harsh traveling conditions and the murmuring of his sons Laman and Lemuel, Lehi led his family to a land of promise. But it was not a place of peace. As Laman and Lemuel used their agency to disobey the Lord, Lehi’s “heart [was] weighed down with sorrow [for them].” 2 Before his death, Lehi gathered his children around him, blessed them, and counseled them. 3 To his rebellious sons he urged repentance and faithfulness: “Awake, my sons. … Shake off the chains with which ye are bound.” 4 And to his righteous son Jacob he taught one final, very important lesson.
Lehi had chosen this most important of messages for his youngest son. Jacob; who had been born in the wilderness. He knew nothing of the lavish lifestyle of their family’s life in Jerusalem. His life was about hardship in the wilderness and witnessing the very real conflict of good vs. evil. He saw the complexities of life’s relationships through the constant discourse between Laban, Lemuel and Nephi. He knew first hand that the Lord was able to bless those who obeyed, he had witnessed it and yet Lehi, in his last admonition to his youngest son needed him to know that in all things he was free to choose, but in his choices lay consequences.

How essential is understanding the Plan of Salvation to our existence here on the earth? Again, quoting from Brother Hales;

If we could leave one lesson of greatest importance for our children and grandchildren, what would it be? Of all the glorious principles of the gospel, Lehi chose to teach his son about the plan of salvation—and the gift of agency.

So to then say the one, if not the most important principal of the gospel that I have learned as an adult is the concept of personal free agency and yet in the exercising of it we find what we all believe is the greatest difficulty of life and parenting. For those of us whose children have chosen another path, coming to terms with their right to make that choice, especially for me, has been one of the greatest challenges and heartbreaks I have faced and yet, in it as well, I have grown profoundly in the love and admiration of My Heavenly Father’s purpose for me and for my family here on earth. In this single concept my whole testimony has grown and flourished and I have learned selflessness in a way that only this path, I believe could have taught me.

Howard W. Hunter refers to the gift of agency

To fully understand this gift of agency and its inestimable worth, it is imperative that we understand that God’s chief way of acting is by persuasion and patience and long-suffering, not by coercion and stark confrontation. He acts by gentle solicitation and by sweet enticement. He always acts with unfailing respect for the freedom and independence that we possess. He wants to help us and pleads for the chance to assist us, but he will not do so in violation of our agency. He loves us too much to do that, and doing so would run counter to his divine character.

Let me share my first experience with someone fully choosing a different path and how that in turn help me to understand the path my own children took.

I had visit taught a woman for a few years and we had become very good friends. Her life story, though not known by many was filled with experiences that I knew I could never truly relate to but in the sharing of them I was able to see her heart and know that it was genuine and good. She had a number of children and as the years past I could see the influence of her extended family in the way she was seeing the gospel. She had become involved in reading much of the Anti Joseph Smith literature and coupled with the negative experiences she had had with the culture of our church she began to disassociate herself from it. We talked often and while we did she learned to understand from me as I from her that a difference of opinion is not an excuse to end a friendship. One evening, she asked if she could really explain her point of view to me. I agreed and a very long and drawn conversation ensued. I have to say, the things she told me were bothersome, but as I had attended a very progressive and not well known Religion’s of the World class at BYU years ago, nothing that she was saying was anything I really hadn’t heard before. Our conversation ended and I thanked her. She asked if I was going to look into what she said and I agreed I would.

That evening, I knelt in prayer and asked my Father in Heaven to guide me as I entered the World Wide Web to seek answers. Now the web was in its infancy then so I am sure that the hits I got then are much different then what I would get now, but I can testify that the Lord provided a site that though brand new, was called, “answers to Mormon critics” and every question she poised to me was there. I called her the next day and we again discussed what I had found. The funny thing here is that there was never argument or contention, just a flowing of thought. In the end we agreed to disagree and have maintained contact since fully accepting that we each come to what we know in our own ways.

As I prayed and thanked my Father in Heaven for his hand in guiding me through this the spirit bore strong witness that this experience would be for my greater good. It wasn’t until recently when I was speaking to this friend that she asked, “do you think I prepared you for your girls?”, I laughed and then knew, yes, you really did because if I hadn’t already come to terms with the knowledge that there are people who will disagree and not accept the gospel that I love so much I doubt my journey of understanding the agency of my own children would not have been as easy.

Howard Hunter referenced the principal of agency;

Our Father in Heaven wanted our growth to continue in mortality and to be enhanced by our freedom to choose and learn. He also wanted us to exercise our faith and our will, especially with a new physical body to master and control. But we know from both ancient and modern revelation that Satan wished to deny us our independence and agency in that now-forgotten moment long ago, even as he wishes to deny them this very hour. Indeed, Satan violently opposed the freedom of choice offered by the Father, so violently that John in the Revelation described “war in heaven” over the matter. Satan would have coerced us and he would have robbed us of that most precious of gifts if he could: our freedom to choose a divine future and the exaltation we all hope to obtain.

Through Christ and his valiant defense of our Father’s plan, the course of agency and eternal aspirations prevailed. In that crucial, premortal setting, a major milestone was passed, a monumental victory was won.

So we are here. We are individuals, parents, children, brothers, sisters. We fill numerous roles in this earthly existence and we will all make mistakes in this earthly journey.

President Hunter again speaks to this when he said:

Given the freedom to choose, we may, in fact, make wrong choices, bad choices, hurtful choices. And sometimes we do just that, but that is where the mission and mercy of Jesus Christ comes into full force and glory. He has taken upon himself the burden of all the world’s risk. He has provided a mediating atonement for the wrong choices we make. He is our advocate with the Father and has paid, in advance, for the faults and foolishness we often see in the exercise of our freedom. We must accept his gift, repent of those mistakes, and follow his commandments in order to take full advantage of this redemption. The offer is always there; the way is always open. We can always, even in our darkest hour and most disastrous errors, look to the Son of God and live.

How then do we then help those we love most to return or want what we love so much in their lives?

“To fully understand this gift of agency and its inestimable worth, it is imperative that we understand that God’s chief way of acting is by persuasion and patience and long-suffering, not by coercion and stark confrontation. He acts by gentle solicitation and by sweet enticement. He always acts with unfailing respect for the freedom and independence that we possess. He wants to help us and pleads for the chance to assist us, but he will not do so in violation of our agency. He loves us too much to do that, and doing so would run counter to his divine character.

For those of us who find ourselves as parents of children, grandchildren, sisters, brothers, even friends what is it that we can do to have them know of our great love for them and our desire for them to return to the fold.?

Let me suggest five points that may help.

1.) Teach them there is power in the Word of God.

For those with young children please know that teaching your children of the power of the words found in ALL the scripture can help them be better members of the world’s Society.
One of the greatest consolations I have with regards to my children is that they do have a foundation of Primary, FHE, Young Women’s Sunday school and daily family scripture study and in that they have a basis for a good life.

My daughter has often said that when in doubt she refers back to what she learned in Sunbeams and she can find ways to live a more whole life. Yes, God did indeed make the sun and the rain and all that is good in our lives.

2.) There is Power in the Gift of the Holy Ghost.

As strong members of the church we have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, he will guide us in our actions as we learn to love and accept the challenges that we face with less active children. Remember too, that though not as strong a voice, they too have that gift. Small maybe but I have so often heard the stories of those that have returned and how that still small voice was able to reach them even in their darkest hours.

3.) There is Power in the Priesthood.

Exercising the Priesthood in both your personal journey and those of your less active family members is always a blessing. Just this past spring we had an experience with Kristin. During her High School days she had been in gym and was accidentally knocked to the ground and her two front teeth were broken. The dentist had fixed them and for all intents and purposes we thought the trauma was over. It was to my surprise that in April I received a frantic call from her that she was in an enormous amount of pain. I met her at the dentist and we were shocked to find that the nerve had died to one of the teeth and now her full front right facial bone had a massive infection. The dentist made every effort to lance the infection to no avail and the situation was becoming tenser. She went to the hospital and was immediately put on IV. Every effort was made to lessen the infection but nothing was working. We were both scared and I knew how she felt about the church. I was honestly afraid to ask her if a blessing was something that she would be open to. I went to my room and prayed for some guidance. Her face was so swollen and her pain was so real and in my world a blessing seemed to be the only answer. Afterwards I went to speak to her about the possibility and as I did I felt prompted to ask if her most favorite childhood friend who had just returned from his mission could give it to her... I’m not sure if it was the drugs or just that she felt I needed her to have it that she agreed. Graham came to her home and what I witnessed was beautiful. These two had been friends since diapers and as he laid his hands on her head he blessed her with comfort and resolution; that there would someone who could help. Later that evening I called my home teacher, Brother Spencer, to see if he had any suggestions. . He told me he’d never met an abscess he couldn't drain and I brought her in. With three people in the room holding her down and me far enough away to not lose it from her screams of agony Brother Spencer was able to accomplish something that two other dentists couldn't’. If the blessing was just for me, it was okay because in the end she got better, less a quarter sized whole in her cheek bone.

4.) There Is Power in The House of The Lord.

I cannot say enough about this. Without my attendance at the temple I would have never been able to endure through these last few years. My children’s names are submitted each time and they understand just how important this place is for me. As my children struggle with what the Temple really means my example of attendance during rough times, especially for my son, helps them to know of its importance of it in my life. He and they understand my dedication to that Holy house.

5.) There is Power in The Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Understanding and exercising the Atonement in our own lives and those of our children will bring rewards beyond measure. In my children’s lives I have made many mistakes. I have personally sought out from each of them forgiveness for those mistakes and they, from a deep love have forgiven me. Because of this we are now a family that has the love so described that makes us eternal. The power of the atonement is breath taking.

And for those who have not yet exercised its power for themselves, when and if your loved ones do return, put aside the judgment and conditions and learn that it is only through love that full restitution of the atonement can come.

In their lives and those lives of people around us we must always refrain from judging, Elder

John A Carmack of the seventy said;

Because God and Jesus Christ alone (see D&C 76:68) can judge fully what is in people’s hearts, they alone can wisely and perfectly temper justice with mercy, conditioned on whether our hearts have been softened and whether we have repented of our individual sins. It is for this reason we are admonished not to judge others unrighteously. Harsh condemnation of others by us will bring to us similar condemnation from our Heavenly Father. God, as well as His Son, is a totally righteous and completely trustworthy judge, perfected in light, knowledge, and understanding.

Now in my life I have personally witnessed the transformation of someone who was “lost” to someone being found and he sits right there in the front row with his beautiful wife and 7 children. His example is what gives me faith and hope.

We must never give up. If you cannot seem to reach your daughter or son now, you can at least keep trying and keep loving him or her, for the very will to reach out, nurture, and extend help to another is an act of love that does not always go unnoticed.

If parents remain prayerful and helpful and maintain an open door for their children hope may not be lost.

As a good friend and Bishop’s wife once said, “Love is all we need”.

I bear witness of this truth, in the name of Jesus Christ Amen.