Life Lesson #13. "Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about."
So many times as we walk through our lives we become so reticent about our journey. I am so self respective and yet I often find myself in the motion of judgment and have to catch myself. I don’t know another’s steps and when I don’t stop to really breathe and think, I find myself wondering. I am not a judgmental person, I just wonder why and how come and I think about what would make a person think like that. I try to just watch but the ever so inquisitive mind I have rests in wonderment and then lay there to just try and figure it out.
I have had some serious trials in my life, and yet, there are some who believe I have had it quite easy. I look at others and think, wow, those shoes are hard to walk in and yet they trek through life like it was a marathon and not a thing gets in their way.
Here’s an analogy. The other day, friends and I went on a hike. When I spoke to my good friend WW I asked him to plan a “medium” hike that in the end afforded an outstanding view and that would be well worth the effort. Well clearly, my interpretation of medium and W’s is completely different. This was climbing a shale rock face and though completely spectacular and absolutely well worth it, to me, a harder hike, to WW, relatively easy. Can you imagine my amazement when a women who runs marathons jogged pasted us all, barely out of breath and ascended and descended the mountain in about ¼ the time we were. Ah huh…. Completely intimidating and yet her training and her desire got her to that point.
Covey calls this a paradigm. Where your perspective doesn’t quite meet the same standards as another who clearly sees and experiences the same thing but where both of you experience something completely different. Your view is your own and true and yet another’s is equally as true but different. How we experience our life is unique and self determined and provides the growth and the learning that is directly unique to us as God would see fit.
When I knew I was getting divorced, I chose to surround myself by the women I admire the most that had preceded me in the journey. These were those who were happy and moving forward and found absolute joy in the journey. They had left their pasts behind and were fully grasping the realities and hardships that were theirs but found more solace in the resolve of their lives than being bitter. Wow, what incredible women they were and what great examples. With each new step, they would enlighten me to the normality of what was happening.
Then came the time when what I was passing through was unique to my journey. There was no precedent and yet I had no choice but to precede and lay the path work down for others who would be following me. Because of all those great examples and because of the great support I had I was able to go forward and to do it with the grace and dignity these amazing woman had taught me. I was and continue to be so blessed.
What surprises me most is the amount I don’t know about these woman and the way that they have conducted themselves does not nearly reflect the chaos they have emerged from. I truly don’t know everything and yet, there is an understanding that, though silently suffered, their shoes are their own and they are beautiful.
My journey is my own and continues to be so. It is exhilarating and complicated and full of so much JOY I can hardly contain myself. What more can I say then truly, though each journey is unique and self guided, it has within its itinerary the lessons we can all learn to understand and grow from. Life is so good and living it fully is such a blessing. Enjoy your own journey – always!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
#12 It's Okay.
Life Lesson #12. "It's OK to let your children see you cry."
“What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul. ~Jewish Proverb”
Through these last few years my children have seen the display of every kind of tear that flows through every emotion my body has ever experienced. From the aching sadness of failure to the elation of a renewed life and for the most part they know that tears are truly the souls release to cleanse and purify. I have not hidden or forced my emotions on their lives but healthy living is experiencing these emotions and knowing that they are a part of life. It is essential for our children to know that these emotions; these tears, are a part of being okay with the universe.
So, I have gone from the heart wrenching ache of the kind of emotion that sends you to your emotional cave to recoup and understand your place, to the tears where you are laughing so hard at the irony of your chaos and the healing that lets you find the humor in it. It is rare for me to show this outside of the circle of my immediate family. In the beginning of the divorce some friends experienced it but as of late it is behind my closed doors where I can release the strain of the burden and let it cleanse my soul. It is now something I very rarely do unless I am overanalyzing my life.
Recently, I had a talk with my oldest daughter…BBG #1. She had concerns and she shared them with me and I, in turn, expressed my feelings and a part of me wanted her to understand that the tears I have now are from the shear joy of a happy life. When my kids and I are together the dynamics are so different and we truly have become the safe place for each other. The tears are fading and the laughter far surpasses them. It is in the letting in of another that my kid’s fears arise. This is so understandable but this is where trust has to play a major role. They must understand the tears I have shed all these years have purpose and are not wasted on unlearned experiences.
I cried hard a few days ago. Something I hadn’t done in a while. I was hurt and scared and thought the trials of my life were behind me and found them knocking down my door again. I am so happy and sometimes when those that love us fear the place they find us in they can express concerns, though out of love, that need to be addressed by only those directly involved. My tears were something a new friend hadn’t witnessed before. He was caught off guard and when I explained that my tears were my soul’s release of the pain I think he understood better. I cry but my tears end and I then go about the work to resolve the issues and find a way for the fear and pain to stop. I am healed. I am emotionally healthy. I am better.
Please, if you are in the middle of it, let the tears flow. Let them cleanse your soul and erase the difficult and heart staining emotions and allow yourself to start healing by allowing the “letting go” of the emotions that will lay you down. And know that behind every door may be one of your kids mourning the loss of your family as they thought it would be and give them the chance to grow and understand the family that is emerging from the ashes. Time is the healer and tears, the soul’s release.
Never be afraid to let your children see your cry. Never, but also let them see you laugh and grow.
“What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul. ~Jewish Proverb”
Through these last few years my children have seen the display of every kind of tear that flows through every emotion my body has ever experienced. From the aching sadness of failure to the elation of a renewed life and for the most part they know that tears are truly the souls release to cleanse and purify. I have not hidden or forced my emotions on their lives but healthy living is experiencing these emotions and knowing that they are a part of life. It is essential for our children to know that these emotions; these tears, are a part of being okay with the universe.
So, I have gone from the heart wrenching ache of the kind of emotion that sends you to your emotional cave to recoup and understand your place, to the tears where you are laughing so hard at the irony of your chaos and the healing that lets you find the humor in it. It is rare for me to show this outside of the circle of my immediate family. In the beginning of the divorce some friends experienced it but as of late it is behind my closed doors where I can release the strain of the burden and let it cleanse my soul. It is now something I very rarely do unless I am overanalyzing my life.
Recently, I had a talk with my oldest daughter…BBG #1. She had concerns and she shared them with me and I, in turn, expressed my feelings and a part of me wanted her to understand that the tears I have now are from the shear joy of a happy life. When my kids and I are together the dynamics are so different and we truly have become the safe place for each other. The tears are fading and the laughter far surpasses them. It is in the letting in of another that my kid’s fears arise. This is so understandable but this is where trust has to play a major role. They must understand the tears I have shed all these years have purpose and are not wasted on unlearned experiences.
I cried hard a few days ago. Something I hadn’t done in a while. I was hurt and scared and thought the trials of my life were behind me and found them knocking down my door again. I am so happy and sometimes when those that love us fear the place they find us in they can express concerns, though out of love, that need to be addressed by only those directly involved. My tears were something a new friend hadn’t witnessed before. He was caught off guard and when I explained that my tears were my soul’s release of the pain I think he understood better. I cry but my tears end and I then go about the work to resolve the issues and find a way for the fear and pain to stop. I am healed. I am emotionally healthy. I am better.
Please, if you are in the middle of it, let the tears flow. Let them cleanse your soul and erase the difficult and heart staining emotions and allow yourself to start healing by allowing the “letting go” of the emotions that will lay you down. And know that behind every door may be one of your kids mourning the loss of your family as they thought it would be and give them the chance to grow and understand the family that is emerging from the ashes. Time is the healer and tears, the soul’s release.
Never be afraid to let your children see your cry. Never, but also let them see you laugh and grow.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
#11 Make Peace
11. "Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present."
“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” Sophia Loren
This is such an essential rule to living that it seems self evident and yet as I attend LDS singles events and meet people the one difference between those that live, love and enjoy and those that don’t is this simple concept. Letting it all go is essential to “Enjoying the Journey!”
Please understand that there are some pasts that are so destructive that making peace comes at an immense amount of compromise and forgiveness. It can take years but without resolve it will rear its ugly head over and over again and it will erode any new life you try to forge.
I decided early on that I was going to purge the past. For a few simple reasons it was necessary. The first was the fact that every move I make, every step I take, is watched and my children need to know the purpose and peace that the atonement offers, especially the reverse side which gives you the strength to forgive even when those that hurt you feel no need for forgiveness. The second reason was for my own self esteem and growth. The words and torment are no longer a part of my life and reliving it over and over again held me down. I needed to surface and fly and the only way to do that was to let the chains that held me down go so that I could. Let me please bear witness to the flying, it is exhilarating and so worth it.
My life is so full of joy and happiness. It would not be so if I had not altered my expectations and come to terms with the reality that life can be unpredictable. I have had to come to terms with such amazing concepts and learned trust and open my heart to truths that were so foreign it is incredible to fathom. Every step I take forward is unknown and yet I keep moving forward and please, I over analyze everything! Be grateful you don’t live with me…. You should hear me…” I think I need to figure this out” or “Is this really happening to me?”
If I were to wallow in the past I would be laddened with such a heavy burden I might have given up ages ago but as I have carried on I have been able to peel off baggage with each new horizon and now, the burden is light. I acknowledge its existence and for those close to me, it is openly discussed and purged but I feel free. Scared for sure, but mostly free, and that has come by the simple adage of “letting go”. And let me add to that; Letting go and letting GOD.
“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” Sophia Loren
This is such an essential rule to living that it seems self evident and yet as I attend LDS singles events and meet people the one difference between those that live, love and enjoy and those that don’t is this simple concept. Letting it all go is essential to “Enjoying the Journey!”
Please understand that there are some pasts that are so destructive that making peace comes at an immense amount of compromise and forgiveness. It can take years but without resolve it will rear its ugly head over and over again and it will erode any new life you try to forge.
I decided early on that I was going to purge the past. For a few simple reasons it was necessary. The first was the fact that every move I make, every step I take, is watched and my children need to know the purpose and peace that the atonement offers, especially the reverse side which gives you the strength to forgive even when those that hurt you feel no need for forgiveness. The second reason was for my own self esteem and growth. The words and torment are no longer a part of my life and reliving it over and over again held me down. I needed to surface and fly and the only way to do that was to let the chains that held me down go so that I could. Let me please bear witness to the flying, it is exhilarating and so worth it.
My life is so full of joy and happiness. It would not be so if I had not altered my expectations and come to terms with the reality that life can be unpredictable. I have had to come to terms with such amazing concepts and learned trust and open my heart to truths that were so foreign it is incredible to fathom. Every step I take forward is unknown and yet I keep moving forward and please, I over analyze everything! Be grateful you don’t live with me…. You should hear me…” I think I need to figure this out” or “Is this really happening to me?”
If I were to wallow in the past I would be laddened with such a heavy burden I might have given up ages ago but as I have carried on I have been able to peel off baggage with each new horizon and now, the burden is light. I acknowledge its existence and for those close to me, it is openly discussed and purged but I feel free. Scared for sure, but mostly free, and that has come by the simple adage of “letting go”. And let me add to that; Letting go and letting GOD.
Life Lesson #10 - Chocolate
10. "When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile."
I have never in my life been a real fan of chocolate. Sure, there are some bars that I love like a cold Kit Kat or a Dairy Milk right when the time is right to sugar rush but in general, it is something I can live without. I have actually lived without it when I swore off it just prior to the beginning of my divorce. I needed to find a reasonable way to work through the emotions of divorce and I doubt an addiction to chocolate would have helped.
I have friends that live, breath and die for the flavor of the God’s. They are connoisseurs and every meaningful occasion is accented by an incredible dessert that is divinely decadent. They then slave at the gym or run their hearts out while they pay the price for their sojourn into the “dark side”. It is here when I am grateful for those years I swore off it.
I think chocolate is a good allegory to life. Sin – like chocolate is sweet and tempting and probably not so good for us and resisting it can bring us an immense amount of character but at times…. you wonder why? Is chocolate or sin for that matter that bad? I haven’t had a ton of experience with both but for those who I have watched go through the sorrow of sin I can feel its intense influence in their lives. I wonder then why people do repeats, its crazy really. Clearly my inexperience is drawing conclusions here.
I hope that there will come a time in my life where by I can truly appreciate chocolate in my life. I have and so experience so many other amazing things, I am sure it will just add to an already rich and wonderful life.
I have never in my life been a real fan of chocolate. Sure, there are some bars that I love like a cold Kit Kat or a Dairy Milk right when the time is right to sugar rush but in general, it is something I can live without. I have actually lived without it when I swore off it just prior to the beginning of my divorce. I needed to find a reasonable way to work through the emotions of divorce and I doubt an addiction to chocolate would have helped.
I have friends that live, breath and die for the flavor of the God’s. They are connoisseurs and every meaningful occasion is accented by an incredible dessert that is divinely decadent. They then slave at the gym or run their hearts out while they pay the price for their sojourn into the “dark side”. It is here when I am grateful for those years I swore off it.
I think chocolate is a good allegory to life. Sin – like chocolate is sweet and tempting and probably not so good for us and resisting it can bring us an immense amount of character but at times…. you wonder why? Is chocolate or sin for that matter that bad? I haven’t had a ton of experience with both but for those who I have watched go through the sorrow of sin I can feel its intense influence in their lives. I wonder then why people do repeats, its crazy really. Clearly my inexperience is drawing conclusions here.
I hope that there will come a time in my life where by I can truly appreciate chocolate in my life. I have and so experience so many other amazing things, I am sure it will just add to an already rich and wonderful life.
LIFE LESSON #9 SAVE
9. "Save for retirement starting with your first pay check."
It’s hard to find some wisdom or meaningful grouping of words for something as painfully obvious as this. When I think about how many people may not do anything about retirement savings it kind of scares me. I guess this is the one residual good thing about my past marriage that stays with me. I value the need to insure a monitorial healthy future.
I never want to be a burden on my kids. I never want to have to rely on their meeting of my needs because I didn’t plan or take care of a future that definitely was there to be planned for, You don’t need Suzi Orman to teach you that there will come a time when you won’t be able to work and that then, what you saved will be your income.
This is pretty much all I have to say.
It’s hard to find some wisdom or meaningful grouping of words for something as painfully obvious as this. When I think about how many people may not do anything about retirement savings it kind of scares me. I guess this is the one residual good thing about my past marriage that stays with me. I value the need to insure a monitorial healthy future.
I never want to be a burden on my kids. I never want to have to rely on their meeting of my needs because I didn’t plan or take care of a future that definitely was there to be planned for, You don’t need Suzi Orman to teach you that there will come a time when you won’t be able to work and that then, what you saved will be your income.
This is pretty much all I have to say.
Friday, July 3, 2009
A Bit of a Break..... Mountains~
“I know no subject more elevating, more amazing, more ready to the poetical enthusiasm, the philosophical reflection, and the moral sentiment than the works of nature. Where can we meet such variety, such beauty, such magnificence?” ~ James Thomson
There are moments in my life where I simply know my purpose and role while I sojourn on this earth. For me, I seek those moments and bask in the warmth that they bring to my soul; to my heart.
There is never any doubt that my song, the place in my soul that defines home for me, is here in Alberta…in Canada. But home is more than just a place. It is the people and the relationships and the being that create the song that rings so true to my own own heart.
My song is my home and my home is found here. Are they more songs in my heart? I have no idea. I may find that out when I serve my mission, or when I travel but for what ever reason, give me my mountains, my valleys, my city, and my heart swells with the song that says I am here, I am home.
I climbed a mountain this week. I walked through a camp ground, a mountain meadow, a cliff face and I ate lunch on the shale ridge basking in the sun, refuged from the chilled mountain wind by the spruce tress surrounding me. As I sat with my friends, I felt His presence as clearly as I do when I sit in the beautiful and serene celestial room of my temple. I knew He was with me and that He was pleased.
I won’t speak of how far I have come but only of how grateful I am for the journey and for the continued path of learning and growing and of gaining new and wonderful friends. Yeah, I am a bit different, not your typical MoMo but I have such a testimony and such a song of knowing who and what my purpose here is on this earth and for that I am so very blessed. I am so grateful for that knowledge.
I love my children and their continued pursuit of peace and love. I have so much faith in the healing already done and in the continued ability to overcome and to be At One. As I am with them, I know I was meant to be here, to love them, no matter what, to accept their choices and for them to always know, I am here, I will always be here, I can’t help but be here. I am so drawn by the bond of mother that not being here would end me.
I love my land, I love my song, and I love my life. I am welcoming new adventures, new friends. I am scared and feeling things so new and so foreign that there are times that I feel the urge to run because it isn’t fair to be this happy. My kids are watching me and are as equally scared. They have seen my pain, our pain, and what ties it together is a twisted and ridiculous misconception of a gospel I love so dearly. In time, they will understand that what it had been defined as is so very different than what it is meant to be. But time is the only healing for this.
So there I was, sitting in the crevice, sheltered from the cold mountain wind and yet basking in the sun I was that much closer to, amongst new friends and as I sat, a silent voice bore witness that I have indeed found peace. I am addicted to peace. I am so very grateful for peace. I am so blessed with peace.
Now you know why my song resonates so in the mountains that I love so much and that are so much of who I am. I find myself there.... always!
There are moments in my life where I simply know my purpose and role while I sojourn on this earth. For me, I seek those moments and bask in the warmth that they bring to my soul; to my heart.
There is never any doubt that my song, the place in my soul that defines home for me, is here in Alberta…in Canada. But home is more than just a place. It is the people and the relationships and the being that create the song that rings so true to my own own heart.
My song is my home and my home is found here. Are they more songs in my heart? I have no idea. I may find that out when I serve my mission, or when I travel but for what ever reason, give me my mountains, my valleys, my city, and my heart swells with the song that says I am here, I am home.
I climbed a mountain this week. I walked through a camp ground, a mountain meadow, a cliff face and I ate lunch on the shale ridge basking in the sun, refuged from the chilled mountain wind by the spruce tress surrounding me. As I sat with my friends, I felt His presence as clearly as I do when I sit in the beautiful and serene celestial room of my temple. I knew He was with me and that He was pleased.
I won’t speak of how far I have come but only of how grateful I am for the journey and for the continued path of learning and growing and of gaining new and wonderful friends. Yeah, I am a bit different, not your typical MoMo but I have such a testimony and such a song of knowing who and what my purpose here is on this earth and for that I am so very blessed. I am so grateful for that knowledge.
I love my children and their continued pursuit of peace and love. I have so much faith in the healing already done and in the continued ability to overcome and to be At One. As I am with them, I know I was meant to be here, to love them, no matter what, to accept their choices and for them to always know, I am here, I will always be here, I can’t help but be here. I am so drawn by the bond of mother that not being here would end me.
I love my land, I love my song, and I love my life. I am welcoming new adventures, new friends. I am scared and feeling things so new and so foreign that there are times that I feel the urge to run because it isn’t fair to be this happy. My kids are watching me and are as equally scared. They have seen my pain, our pain, and what ties it together is a twisted and ridiculous misconception of a gospel I love so dearly. In time, they will understand that what it had been defined as is so very different than what it is meant to be. But time is the only healing for this.
So there I was, sitting in the crevice, sheltered from the cold mountain wind and yet basking in the sun I was that much closer to, amongst new friends and as I sat, a silent voice bore witness that I have indeed found peace. I am addicted to peace. I am so very grateful for peace. I am so blessed with peace.
Now you know why my song resonates so in the mountains that I love so much and that are so much of who I am. I find myself there.... always!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Life Lesson #8 It's OK....
8. "It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it."
One of the life lessons my parents instilled in me was the belief that everything has a way of working out. My Mom would tell me it was like doing the wash. Things may get dirty but they will eventually be clean again and that, in some cases, it just takes a whole lot more detergent. I think about this concept often and have added to it my own belief in what some would call “Karma” or comeuppance. We reap what we sow, it’s just in the waiting that life can sometimes seem unfair and a belief in deity can be challenged.
I try not to look back too often to excuse my today’s but sometimes, when I have to make difficult decisions or change my plans, my yesterdays reap their ugly heads and my heart fails me. Early this year my Bishop recognized that the influence, as little as it was, that came from my past was destroying me. He put forward a plan and for the first time I really got angry at God. It’s ironic why I didn’t get mad at Bishop H. I guess that comes from my absolute testimony in his representing the Big Guy to me.
I took what he had to say and I went to the mountains and screamed, in thoughts anyway, to the injustice that was being asked of me. Why me, why do I have to give up and do it all myself? Wasn’t I already the sole custodian and caregiver? Bishop H asked me to search my soul and it was then that I realized that my soul was more in jeopardy then it ever had been. I was losing my religion and in the end, that was what some were expecting of me, and as sad as that is to say, it was so ironically true.
I remember my drive to the mountains; I remember my pleading for reprieve and for the answers to the unfairness of my life. I remember begging to be released from the covenants I had made because the requirements being asked of me were too great. I still can feel the sting of the salt from the overflow of tears and the heart ache of just the unfairness of it all.
As I rounded the corner and found myself at my destination a still small voice rested on my soul and gave reverence to the place I was at. To me, there isn’t much difference to the celestial room and those grand edifices to God’s handiwork. The spirit is at both places, just stop and feel it.
I was alone and I was peaceful and I sat and I listened. What I heard was the most beautiful song I had heard to that point in my life. It was the song of trust and understanding and of knowing that being angry was okay but that in fact He did love me and that doing the task at hand would give me great peace and allow my life, even my family’s lives, to move forward.
Well, fast forward eight months. Here I am, no, here we are, happier than we have ever been as a family and content and peaceful and all because I was able to put aside the unfairness and just listen. Some of the greatest lessons we will have come after the greatest trials of our faith. Being Angry with God is not a sin, staying angry is.
To my Bishop; Thank-you. Your wisdom and kindness and your trust in the mantle that has been given you is inspiring and without it my family would not be where we are at today. And to those who live in such turmoil, stop and listen. Hear the song in your heart that draws you to correct choices and follow them. Don’t let the anger overshadow the wisdom of a healthy life. And above all else, have faith in “Karma” or the knowledge that all things in life will eventually be worked out, just exercise the patience and the faith to know it is so.
One of the life lessons my parents instilled in me was the belief that everything has a way of working out. My Mom would tell me it was like doing the wash. Things may get dirty but they will eventually be clean again and that, in some cases, it just takes a whole lot more detergent. I think about this concept often and have added to it my own belief in what some would call “Karma” or comeuppance. We reap what we sow, it’s just in the waiting that life can sometimes seem unfair and a belief in deity can be challenged.
I try not to look back too often to excuse my today’s but sometimes, when I have to make difficult decisions or change my plans, my yesterdays reap their ugly heads and my heart fails me. Early this year my Bishop recognized that the influence, as little as it was, that came from my past was destroying me. He put forward a plan and for the first time I really got angry at God. It’s ironic why I didn’t get mad at Bishop H. I guess that comes from my absolute testimony in his representing the Big Guy to me.
I took what he had to say and I went to the mountains and screamed, in thoughts anyway, to the injustice that was being asked of me. Why me, why do I have to give up and do it all myself? Wasn’t I already the sole custodian and caregiver? Bishop H asked me to search my soul and it was then that I realized that my soul was more in jeopardy then it ever had been. I was losing my religion and in the end, that was what some were expecting of me, and as sad as that is to say, it was so ironically true.
I remember my drive to the mountains; I remember my pleading for reprieve and for the answers to the unfairness of my life. I remember begging to be released from the covenants I had made because the requirements being asked of me were too great. I still can feel the sting of the salt from the overflow of tears and the heart ache of just the unfairness of it all.
As I rounded the corner and found myself at my destination a still small voice rested on my soul and gave reverence to the place I was at. To me, there isn’t much difference to the celestial room and those grand edifices to God’s handiwork. The spirit is at both places, just stop and feel it.
I was alone and I was peaceful and I sat and I listened. What I heard was the most beautiful song I had heard to that point in my life. It was the song of trust and understanding and of knowing that being angry was okay but that in fact He did love me and that doing the task at hand would give me great peace and allow my life, even my family’s lives, to move forward.
Well, fast forward eight months. Here I am, no, here we are, happier than we have ever been as a family and content and peaceful and all because I was able to put aside the unfairness and just listen. Some of the greatest lessons we will have come after the greatest trials of our faith. Being Angry with God is not a sin, staying angry is.
To my Bishop; Thank-you. Your wisdom and kindness and your trust in the mantle that has been given you is inspiring and without it my family would not be where we are at today. And to those who live in such turmoil, stop and listen. Hear the song in your heart that draws you to correct choices and follow them. Don’t let the anger overshadow the wisdom of a healthy life. And above all else, have faith in “Karma” or the knowledge that all things in life will eventually be worked out, just exercise the patience and the faith to know it is so.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Life Lesson #7: Cry With Someone!
7. "Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone."
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860
Time had taught me such a reserve and respect for the human body and its way to healing and wholeness. I believe, with all my soul that tears is the soul’s escape of pain. I have shed more tears in my journey through divorce than in all the years previous and for now, the tears come rarely but when they do, they are never unwelcome.
I remember one evening, sitting in my parent’s living room at the beginning of the divorce, exhausted and uncontrollably crying with my friend A. comforting me and reassuring me that in time, the pain would cease and the healing would begin. The concept was so foreign to me and it felt like, though my body was parched, the tears would never end, the aching never cease, and the pain would literally consume me. I felt hopeless and there with me was a soothing and reassuring voice reminding me of my HF’s love and devotion and for his process of the atonement and its need in my life.
Well, fast forward three years. A. is still a good friend and everything she assured me of has come to pass. They say, the opposite to love is indifference, and for me, it has set in. But even more than that is this unending spectrum of gratitude I have in my life. The Lord could not have blessed my journey more than He did; He could not have littered my path with more convenience and life lessons. I am in such debt to those friends who truly cried along side me. Who lifted me when I couldn’t lift myself, who carried me when my burdens were too great to carry alone. My journey is so much a part of who I am and believe it or not, without it, I would not be the woman I am today. For that mere fact alone, I am so very grateful.
There is a point, wherein like the atonement; the Savior had to go it alone, for true healing to occur, so must you. There are times when you must cry alone, find the alone, and embrace it. It’s not a long term concept, more a place where within yourself you find that reason that brought you to that point. As much as you would want to be blameless in your situation, without finding your own issues which are yours to own, you will only bring the issues forward to whatever new relationships you will have and they will taint any growth in them. Alone is where you find these, deal with them and correct them. It is good to correct these; it completes the healing and allows trust and true happiness back into your life.
I cried the other day, in front of others. As I tried to explain that in fact the tears were of happiness it seemed a mute point. This soul wrenching, deep intoxicating happiness I feel is to my core and strengthens me everyday more and more. My core is whole, my core is content and it is at one with the universe and I am so grateful for every tear that I have ever shed. It has been so worth it. I am more grateful for the tears that were shared and for the wisdom and strength passed on by those whose journey preceded mine and it is my hope that I can help those whose journey is just beginning. That is the universal role we all play in each others lives. The sharing of our burdens and the lifting of each others souls.
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860
Time had taught me such a reserve and respect for the human body and its way to healing and wholeness. I believe, with all my soul that tears is the soul’s escape of pain. I have shed more tears in my journey through divorce than in all the years previous and for now, the tears come rarely but when they do, they are never unwelcome.
I remember one evening, sitting in my parent’s living room at the beginning of the divorce, exhausted and uncontrollably crying with my friend A. comforting me and reassuring me that in time, the pain would cease and the healing would begin. The concept was so foreign to me and it felt like, though my body was parched, the tears would never end, the aching never cease, and the pain would literally consume me. I felt hopeless and there with me was a soothing and reassuring voice reminding me of my HF’s love and devotion and for his process of the atonement and its need in my life.
Well, fast forward three years. A. is still a good friend and everything she assured me of has come to pass. They say, the opposite to love is indifference, and for me, it has set in. But even more than that is this unending spectrum of gratitude I have in my life. The Lord could not have blessed my journey more than He did; He could not have littered my path with more convenience and life lessons. I am in such debt to those friends who truly cried along side me. Who lifted me when I couldn’t lift myself, who carried me when my burdens were too great to carry alone. My journey is so much a part of who I am and believe it or not, without it, I would not be the woman I am today. For that mere fact alone, I am so very grateful.
There is a point, wherein like the atonement; the Savior had to go it alone, for true healing to occur, so must you. There are times when you must cry alone, find the alone, and embrace it. It’s not a long term concept, more a place where within yourself you find that reason that brought you to that point. As much as you would want to be blameless in your situation, without finding your own issues which are yours to own, you will only bring the issues forward to whatever new relationships you will have and they will taint any growth in them. Alone is where you find these, deal with them and correct them. It is good to correct these; it completes the healing and allows trust and true happiness back into your life.
I cried the other day, in front of others. As I tried to explain that in fact the tears were of happiness it seemed a mute point. This soul wrenching, deep intoxicating happiness I feel is to my core and strengthens me everyday more and more. My core is whole, my core is content and it is at one with the universe and I am so grateful for every tear that I have ever shed. It has been so worth it. I am more grateful for the tears that were shared and for the wisdom and strength passed on by those whose journey preceded mine and it is my hope that I can help those whose journey is just beginning. That is the universal role we all play in each others lives. The sharing of our burdens and the lifting of each others souls.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Life Lesson # 6 You Don't have to Win...
#6. "You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree".
When I thought about this lesson I had to take pause. Obviously, because I am divorced, arguing was a part of it. I behaved badly because I had no idea to what extent the toxicity was in my life. Uncle was a noun, never a verb and the argument was never over until someone, usually me, was in tears or begging, and I mean literally begging, for it to stop. Dr. W helped me to understand my role and taught me the word “boundaries” and you would be amazed at how that simple culmination of letters can change your life.
I would often wonder if we weren’t simply arguing for the same thing but just involved ourselves in contention because no one stopped to listen. I tried once to just let it go and that wasn’t good. What I do know though is that it is possible to exist in a relationship of give and take and that sound reasoning can be had to resolve any difference. And sometimes, it’s okay to bend. You don’t always have to give away your soul or take everything for the disagreement to be over.
There are some aspects to life where agreement is essential. Raising kids and the way about going about it, your core beliefs, your love language, or at least understanding them, and trust. Without knowing these attributes you could be in for a fairly rough ride.
So where my life is at now, we very rarely have arguments around here. We do disagree but overall, feelings and emotions are in check and we try to care. This sense of peace is hard earned. We check each other and know that fighting gets no one anywhere and though we have strong differences in the way in which we lead our lives, we respect the plan of salvation and the principal of choice.
And we love, and because we do, we listen and we care. I have a friend who when I say something and he hears me, I stand in amazement. The thought that someone can hear you and care enough to at least try is so foreign to me that I spend much of my time wondering what to do with it. I am literally afraid to open my mouth and request because I value so much the hearing. I don’t ever want to take advantage of it. It is a gift when someone hears you, cherish it.
So, the essence is that indeed, in life, there will be arguments and disagreements and the secret to it being ineffectual in destroying your relationships is in the letting go. It is in the understanding of your significant others needs to yours and the importance of choosing which arguments are important enough to compromise through. If two people have each other’s best interest at heart, each will win.
When I thought about this lesson I had to take pause. Obviously, because I am divorced, arguing was a part of it. I behaved badly because I had no idea to what extent the toxicity was in my life. Uncle was a noun, never a verb and the argument was never over until someone, usually me, was in tears or begging, and I mean literally begging, for it to stop. Dr. W helped me to understand my role and taught me the word “boundaries” and you would be amazed at how that simple culmination of letters can change your life.
I would often wonder if we weren’t simply arguing for the same thing but just involved ourselves in contention because no one stopped to listen. I tried once to just let it go and that wasn’t good. What I do know though is that it is possible to exist in a relationship of give and take and that sound reasoning can be had to resolve any difference. And sometimes, it’s okay to bend. You don’t always have to give away your soul or take everything for the disagreement to be over.
There are some aspects to life where agreement is essential. Raising kids and the way about going about it, your core beliefs, your love language, or at least understanding them, and trust. Without knowing these attributes you could be in for a fairly rough ride.
So where my life is at now, we very rarely have arguments around here. We do disagree but overall, feelings and emotions are in check and we try to care. This sense of peace is hard earned. We check each other and know that fighting gets no one anywhere and though we have strong differences in the way in which we lead our lives, we respect the plan of salvation and the principal of choice.
And we love, and because we do, we listen and we care. I have a friend who when I say something and he hears me, I stand in amazement. The thought that someone can hear you and care enough to at least try is so foreign to me that I spend much of my time wondering what to do with it. I am literally afraid to open my mouth and request because I value so much the hearing. I don’t ever want to take advantage of it. It is a gift when someone hears you, cherish it.
So, the essence is that indeed, in life, there will be arguments and disagreements and the secret to it being ineffectual in destroying your relationships is in the letting go. It is in the understanding of your significant others needs to yours and the importance of choosing which arguments are important enough to compromise through. If two people have each other’s best interest at heart, each will win.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Life Lesson #5 Pay off your Credit Cards
#5. "Pay off your credit cards every month."
So, the one good lesson that remains from my marriage is the principal of living a debt free life. The principal of living without debt has been taught from the pulpit of conference for many years. It has never had as much relevance as it has in these past few months and it is the one lesson that I remain true to.
It hasn’t been easy without the child support or any help from the ex. I am trying hard for D to have the life he deserves and yet he is the trooper no one truly understands. It means sacrifices and pulling the purse strings in but I also know and live by the fact that the winner to this earth race is not the one who dies with the most amount of money. It’s the relationships we share with our families that matter.
A provident life is a serene life and to judge how others live is not in keeping with the gospel. I know men who pride themselves in living so frugally and yet save millions of dollars and spend nothing on their families and I know men who save, carrying no debts and yet live a full and enriched life sharing their abundance with all they see have needs. Being cheap is not a virtue, living within your means is.
So, when the curtain call comes, I will have enjoyed my sojourn on this earth, I will die debt free but I will have lived and truly “Enjoyed the Journey!”
So, the one good lesson that remains from my marriage is the principal of living a debt free life. The principal of living without debt has been taught from the pulpit of conference for many years. It has never had as much relevance as it has in these past few months and it is the one lesson that I remain true to.
It hasn’t been easy without the child support or any help from the ex. I am trying hard for D to have the life he deserves and yet he is the trooper no one truly understands. It means sacrifices and pulling the purse strings in but I also know and live by the fact that the winner to this earth race is not the one who dies with the most amount of money. It’s the relationships we share with our families that matter.
A provident life is a serene life and to judge how others live is not in keeping with the gospel. I know men who pride themselves in living so frugally and yet save millions of dollars and spend nothing on their families and I know men who save, carrying no debts and yet live a full and enriched life sharing their abundance with all they see have needs. Being cheap is not a virtue, living within your means is.
So, when the curtain call comes, I will have enjoyed my sojourn on this earth, I will die debt free but I will have lived and truly “Enjoyed the Journey!”