Life Lesson #12. "It's OK to let your children see you cry."
“What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul. ~Jewish Proverb”
Through these last few years my children have seen the display of every kind of tear that flows through every emotion my body has ever experienced. From the aching sadness of failure to the elation of a renewed life and for the most part they know that tears are truly the souls release to cleanse and purify. I have not hidden or forced my emotions on their lives but healthy living is experiencing these emotions and knowing that they are a part of life. It is essential for our children to know that these emotions; these tears, are a part of being okay with the universe.
So, I have gone from the heart wrenching ache of the kind of emotion that sends you to your emotional cave to recoup and understand your place, to the tears where you are laughing so hard at the irony of your chaos and the healing that lets you find the humor in it. It is rare for me to show this outside of the circle of my immediate family. In the beginning of the divorce some friends experienced it but as of late it is behind my closed doors where I can release the strain of the burden and let it cleanse my soul. It is now something I very rarely do unless I am overanalyzing my life.
Recently, I had a talk with my oldest daughter…BBG #1. She had concerns and she shared them with me and I, in turn, expressed my feelings and a part of me wanted her to understand that the tears I have now are from the shear joy of a happy life. When my kids and I are together the dynamics are so different and we truly have become the safe place for each other. The tears are fading and the laughter far surpasses them. It is in the letting in of another that my kid’s fears arise. This is so understandable but this is where trust has to play a major role. They must understand the tears I have shed all these years have purpose and are not wasted on unlearned experiences.
I cried hard a few days ago. Something I hadn’t done in a while. I was hurt and scared and thought the trials of my life were behind me and found them knocking down my door again. I am so happy and sometimes when those that love us fear the place they find us in they can express concerns, though out of love, that need to be addressed by only those directly involved. My tears were something a new friend hadn’t witnessed before. He was caught off guard and when I explained that my tears were my soul’s release of the pain I think he understood better. I cry but my tears end and I then go about the work to resolve the issues and find a way for the fear and pain to stop. I am healed. I am emotionally healthy. I am better.
Please, if you are in the middle of it, let the tears flow. Let them cleanse your soul and erase the difficult and heart staining emotions and allow yourself to start healing by allowing the “letting go” of the emotions that will lay you down. And know that behind every door may be one of your kids mourning the loss of your family as they thought it would be and give them the chance to grow and understand the family that is emerging from the ashes. Time is the healer and tears, the soul’s release.
Never be afraid to let your children see your cry. Never, but also let them see you laugh and grow.
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