#11 Make Peace

11. "Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present."

“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.” Sophia Loren

This is such an essential rule to living that it seems self evident and yet as I attend LDS singles events and meet people the one difference between those that live, love and enjoy and those that don’t is this simple concept. Letting it all go is essential to “Enjoying the Journey!”

Please understand that there are some pasts that are so destructive that making peace comes at an immense amount of compromise and forgiveness. It can take years but without resolve it will rear its ugly head over and over again and it will erode any new life you try to forge.

I decided early on that I was going to purge the past. For a few simple reasons it was necessary. The first was the fact that every move I make, every step I take, is watched and my children need to know the purpose and peace that the atonement offers, especially the reverse side which gives you the strength to forgive even when those that hurt you feel no need for forgiveness. The second reason was for my own self esteem and growth. The words and torment are no longer a part of my life and reliving it over and over again held me down. I needed to surface and fly and the only way to do that was to let the chains that held me down go so that I could. Let me please bear witness to the flying, it is exhilarating and so worth it.

My life is so full of joy and happiness. It would not be so if I had not altered my expectations and come to terms with the reality that life can be unpredictable. I have had to come to terms with such amazing concepts and learned trust and open my heart to truths that were so foreign it is incredible to fathom. Every step I take forward is unknown and yet I keep moving forward and please, I over analyze everything! Be grateful you don’t live with me…. You should hear me…” I think I need to figure this out” or “Is this really happening to me?”

If I were to wallow in the past I would be laddened with such a heavy burden I might have given up ages ago but as I have carried on I have been able to peel off baggage with each new horizon and now, the burden is light. I acknowledge its existence and for those close to me, it is openly discussed and purged but I feel free. Scared for sure, but mostly free, and that has come by the simple adage of “letting go”. And let me add to that; Letting go and letting GOD.