7. "Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone."
“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.” ~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860
Time had taught me such a reserve and respect for the human body and its way to healing and wholeness. I believe, with all my soul that tears is the soul’s escape of pain. I have shed more tears in my journey through divorce than in all the years previous and for now, the tears come rarely but when they do, they are never unwelcome.
I remember one evening, sitting in my parent’s living room at the beginning of the divorce, exhausted and uncontrollably crying with my friend A. comforting me and reassuring me that in time, the pain would cease and the healing would begin. The concept was so foreign to me and it felt like, though my body was parched, the tears would never end, the aching never cease, and the pain would literally consume me. I felt hopeless and there with me was a soothing and reassuring voice reminding me of my HF’s love and devotion and for his process of the atonement and its need in my life.
Well, fast forward three years. A. is still a good friend and everything she assured me of has come to pass. They say, the opposite to love is indifference, and for me, it has set in. But even more than that is this unending spectrum of gratitude I have in my life. The Lord could not have blessed my journey more than He did; He could not have littered my path with more convenience and life lessons. I am in such debt to those friends who truly cried along side me. Who lifted me when I couldn’t lift myself, who carried me when my burdens were too great to carry alone. My journey is so much a part of who I am and believe it or not, without it, I would not be the woman I am today. For that mere fact alone, I am so very grateful.
There is a point, wherein like the atonement; the Savior had to go it alone, for true healing to occur, so must you. There are times when you must cry alone, find the alone, and embrace it. It’s not a long term concept, more a place where within yourself you find that reason that brought you to that point. As much as you would want to be blameless in your situation, without finding your own issues which are yours to own, you will only bring the issues forward to whatever new relationships you will have and they will taint any growth in them. Alone is where you find these, deal with them and correct them. It is good to correct these; it completes the healing and allows trust and true happiness back into your life.
I cried the other day, in front of others. As I tried to explain that in fact the tears were of happiness it seemed a mute point. This soul wrenching, deep intoxicating happiness I feel is to my core and strengthens me everyday more and more. My core is whole, my core is content and it is at one with the universe and I am so grateful for every tear that I have ever shed. It has been so worth it. I am more grateful for the tears that were shared and for the wisdom and strength passed on by those whose journey preceded mine and it is my hope that I can help those whose journey is just beginning. That is the universal role we all play in each others lives. The sharing of our burdens and the lifting of each others souls.
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