Life Lesson # 6 You Don't have to Win...

#6. "You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree".

When I thought about this lesson I had to take pause. Obviously, because I am divorced, arguing was a part of it. I behaved badly because I had no idea to what extent the toxicity was in my life. Uncle was a noun, never a verb and the argument was never over until someone, usually me, was in tears or begging, and I mean literally begging, for it to stop. Dr. W helped me to understand my role and taught me the word “boundaries” and you would be amazed at how that simple culmination of letters can change your life.

I would often wonder if we weren’t simply arguing for the same thing but just involved ourselves in contention because no one stopped to listen. I tried once to just let it go and that wasn’t good. What I do know though is that it is possible to exist in a relationship of give and take and that sound reasoning can be had to resolve any difference. And sometimes, it’s okay to bend. You don’t always have to give away your soul or take everything for the disagreement to be over.

There are some aspects to life where agreement is essential. Raising kids and the way about going about it, your core beliefs, your love language, or at least understanding them, and trust. Without knowing these attributes you could be in for a fairly rough ride.

So where my life is at now, we very rarely have arguments around here. We do disagree but overall, feelings and emotions are in check and we try to care. This sense of peace is hard earned. We check each other and know that fighting gets no one anywhere and though we have strong differences in the way in which we lead our lives, we respect the plan of salvation and the principal of choice.

And we love, and because we do, we listen and we care. I have a friend who when I say something and he hears me, I stand in amazement. The thought that someone can hear you and care enough to at least try is so foreign to me that I spend much of my time wondering what to do with it. I am literally afraid to open my mouth and request because I value so much the hearing. I don’t ever want to take advantage of it. It is a gift when someone hears you, cherish it.

So, the essence is that indeed, in life, there will be arguments and disagreements and the secret to it being ineffectual in destroying your relationships is in the letting go. It is in the understanding of your significant others needs to yours and the importance of choosing which arguments are important enough to compromise through. If two people have each other’s best interest at heart, each will win.