#4. "Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch."
You would think this one is easy… a real no brainer but in reality there is this behavior that hurt and wounded people do and I lovingly refer to it as caving. I did it. For about three years I simple detached myself from everyone outside of my home and I got sicker and sicker. I remember a dear friend banging and ringing on my door and I just simply couldn’t answer. Couldn’t face the questions or even the answers I would give.
I worked through this and though the people were great they just didn’t know me or have any idea of the turmoil I was in. I finally broke through, with the help of some pretty amazing persistent family and friends who couldn’t take it anymore. Where is the S we all know and love. Yeah, it was a bit of a long road but now, as I look at it, one well worth travelling on. I have no regrets about that time. I know that my body shut down so that it could conserve the energy it would take to recover.
I struggle with knowing what I want to be doing and what I am doing. I work long and hard hours and try to balance what is left of the family I still have at home. It’s crazy, this life. I am so glad that most of my kids were grown before I had to work full time. I really have no choice here without any financial support of the ex. Big D understands and all I want for him is to be happy. The sacrifices we are making and the decisions that have to be thought through for wants and needs are all making him a stronger kid. He may not understand it now, but he will later.
I went through a period of time just last year where I got very sick and needed surgery. It was my family and friends who supported me through it. They were there for me and I am ever grateful for that.
I see men sacrifice their families and their lives working 14-16 hours a day all in pursuit of leadership and prestige. I lived with someone who added to that the pursuit church leadership. Where is he now? He achieved everything he wanted at the exclusion of what this life and our HF wants most for us; our families. If I might admonish one thing and one thing only it is the belief that a good man always fills the needs of his family first. He will support and love those to whom his HF has given him accountability to. His desire to lead will be fulfilled in the role he plays as a father and his example is what will lead to leadership, not his pursuit. Great leaders come out of these circumstances. The best church leaders are those who know their priorities well.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Life Lesson #3 Life is Too Short
3. "Life is too short to waste time hating anyone."
When I think about the amount of time I have wasted in my life having feelings of despair and hatred I want to cringe. I am not saying that I have animosity towards people but through out my marriage there was an assault on my self esteem and the impact is continually felt in my inability to truly grasp how others feel about me.
Elie Wiesel teaches that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference. Think about it for a moment. What does that mean and how can understanding this concept help you heal? Divorce is ugly and most often is a result of one party walking away, for whatever reason, leaving another heartbroken or hurt. Both emotions illicit hate and the longer you dwell, the longer you obsess and fall to pieces. Stephen Covey would call that a “lose” – “lose” situation, so what can we do, if anything, to avoid or hurry along this part of a process that, whether we like it or not, has to be a factor of the equation?
Understand the concept of hate and note its effect on others by what hate might just do to you. Here’s the difference between the people everyone surrounds themselves with and the ones that are avoided. This underlying insanity of emotion that seeps through our conversations and taints all that we do will most definitely affect our relationships with others… always. You choose what envelopes you; it’s your choice and the longer you hold on the more a part of you it becomes. The more, each day, you lose yourself in the anger that controls you and not letting go will have one final and lasting effect. You will be lost.
How can we turn this to the proverbial Covey “win”- “win”? By simply understanding that life is indeed too short to waste time hating anyone. I have been and seen circumstances where severe abuse has been indentified and I have seen these amazing people forgive. The reverse end of the atonement is essential to the well being of someone recovering from divorce. Yes, they hurt you. Yes, they seem unrepentant, but as long as you hold on to the anger and pain, the abuse continues but it is at your hands not theirs. Once you let go you learn indifference and they no longer control your heart or your hurt and you start to heal. I know this. l live it everyday. I cannot begin to tell you just how truly wonderful life can become once you are indifferent and you let go.
I will always acknowledge that at one time I did indeed love my ex husband. I even loved him through the divorce but now, as the indifference has settled in, I know I no longer feel any love towards him. I harbor no ill toward feelings or distain, mostly, I am sad. That sadness, however, doesn’t bring any other emotions intot conflict. We are over, we have moved on, his relationships with his children are his to own and whatever he may or may not do has no consequence to my existence.
This is how I know I am at the end of my healing. I know my heart is indeed ready to twitter pâté for another. My issues now lie in the concern of my last child. His heart was broken at the disregard afforded him and he needs to know, that for now, he’s the man in my life. Sure I date, sure I twitter pâté, but for now, it’s at his request to keep it slow and steady and acclimate him to the moving on of my life. He’s still young and needy and for now, those needs come first…but only for now. He will soon have to accept that I deserve and need happiness too. The funny thing is, he loves watching me re enter the dating scene, and he gets the biggest kick out of it. I, on the other hand, just feel like I am going to throw up all the time.
So once again, let me restate this important life lesson. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE TIME HATING ANYONE, that means ANYONE. Letting go is the Zen of the healing after divorce. Do it… do it now!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Life Lesson #2 - When in doubt...
#2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
Have you ever been so paralyzed by fear that you are most literally suspended in thought and movement, completely overwhelmed by the next step you will take? Well, if the answer is yes will it surprise you if I said, join the crowd!
Doubt is a very real feeling, an attitude that will, if left unchecked, control your actions, mood and movement to a better and more whole life. Understanding and changing the “I can’t attitude is the secret to a successful recovery from divorce. There aren’t a lot of options when you are separating and starting two separate households. What once covered one home must now support two and the only way the creature comforts go is out the window. Some even find themselves in poverty when they have never been there before. The only way out is to take the next small step, whether it is school or a new job or even a better job, but an attitude of can’t is only going to leave your helpless and crying out in despair.
For me, I simply became practical. I sat down and looked at the options ahead of me and started to answer the questions that could be answered. One small step after another is now some years later and I have accomplished school while working full time and find myself with a solid career. Would I have loved to choose a different profession? Oh sure, but practicality lead me to where I am and when I am only responsible for my own care, I will chase my dreams.
Doubt will curb any forward movement so a simple solution is to look at your dreams one small step at a time and see that you can in fact, make it happen. What is that gospel doctrine we learned….. “Line upon Line”. You see, everything that matters in life is a process, one small step after another.
I have these amazing friends who like to hike. We go once or twice a year and when we do, it’s almost always a surprise where we go. The trails usually involve a vigorous hike and the ever present “reward” at the end of the hard work. It usually involves some spectacular scenery and a great lunch. If I took into consideration, before I even started, the amount of effort the hike would take I might of quit before I even started but knowing that stopping and resting and moving forward slowly and assuredly results in a Zen experience that is unsurpassed. One small step after the other always offers the greatest of rewards.
Have you ever been so paralyzed by fear that you are most literally suspended in thought and movement, completely overwhelmed by the next step you will take? Well, if the answer is yes will it surprise you if I said, join the crowd!
Doubt is a very real feeling, an attitude that will, if left unchecked, control your actions, mood and movement to a better and more whole life. Understanding and changing the “I can’t attitude is the secret to a successful recovery from divorce. There aren’t a lot of options when you are separating and starting two separate households. What once covered one home must now support two and the only way the creature comforts go is out the window. Some even find themselves in poverty when they have never been there before. The only way out is to take the next small step, whether it is school or a new job or even a better job, but an attitude of can’t is only going to leave your helpless and crying out in despair.
For me, I simply became practical. I sat down and looked at the options ahead of me and started to answer the questions that could be answered. One small step after another is now some years later and I have accomplished school while working full time and find myself with a solid career. Would I have loved to choose a different profession? Oh sure, but practicality lead me to where I am and when I am only responsible for my own care, I will chase my dreams.
Doubt will curb any forward movement so a simple solution is to look at your dreams one small step at a time and see that you can in fact, make it happen. What is that gospel doctrine we learned….. “Line upon Line”. You see, everything that matters in life is a process, one small step after another.
I have these amazing friends who like to hike. We go once or twice a year and when we do, it’s almost always a surprise where we go. The trails usually involve a vigorous hike and the ever present “reward” at the end of the hard work. It usually involves some spectacular scenery and a great lunch. If I took into consideration, before I even started, the amount of effort the hike would take I might of quit before I even started but knowing that stopping and resting and moving forward slowly and assuredly results in a Zen experience that is unsurpassed. One small step after the other always offers the greatest of rewards.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Life Lesson #1 - Life isn't Fair!
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me... It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:”
~ Regina Brett
I’ve decided to switch things up a bit for the next little while. As much as I would love to continue with the quotes I think what I would like to do is take the lessons of this fine women , Regina Brett, who is 90 years old and a columnist for the Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio. I think she has life figured out and I am hoping I can add my two cents to it so here it goes.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
So often, when something is presented to us, a level of trust resides within that just accepts what is being told as truth and that effort is never needed for that truth to be whole. We live in the belief that because it was said, it is, and we have no responsibility to make it so. Maturity eventually teaches you that what you put into it can make or break the statement.
I remember growing up in this culture that taught the success of life was that marrying a returned missionary was the solution, the Disney version of a happily ever after Mormon life. You could absolutely know and have a fantastic marriage, even when you only knew each other a short time, because the stamp of an RM made it so. Where the reality is that this scenario is not always so and coming to terms with the fact that I may have misunderstood or maybe even been misled with the sentimentality of all of this may lead to the conclusion that in fact “Life isn’t Fair”. I did it all right and still ended up alone. Go figure.
Here’s the place where many LDS singles get caught; the unfairness of it all. You know these types. The never ending stories, the weariness, the complaints. This mind process is overwhelming and oppressive and can get you caught in a cycle that can, if left unattended, be virtually impossible to remove yourself from.
Stop, let go and move on!
I remember vividly the day I woke up and the “unfairness”, though still very real to me, had let go to the reality of gratitude. I didn’t have the anxiety, the abuse, and the fatigue of an unhappy life and more often than not, life is very good. The smile returned to my continence and the laughing began, the shear exhilaration of a contented life reappeared and I was, for the first time in a long time, whole. That was worth all the pain.
Time and healing will bring you to this truth. It is real; “Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good”. Knowing and understanding this concept of our purpose here on earth is what will allow it to complete you. When you understand God’s purpose for you and know that it has essential meaning, you will also understand personal inner peace. Wow, what an amazing state of heart! I’d be hard-pressed to let this one go.
~ Regina Brett
I’ve decided to switch things up a bit for the next little while. As much as I would love to continue with the quotes I think what I would like to do is take the lessons of this fine women , Regina Brett, who is 90 years old and a columnist for the Plain Dealer in Cleveland, Ohio. I think she has life figured out and I am hoping I can add my two cents to it so here it goes.
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
So often, when something is presented to us, a level of trust resides within that just accepts what is being told as truth and that effort is never needed for that truth to be whole. We live in the belief that because it was said, it is, and we have no responsibility to make it so. Maturity eventually teaches you that what you put into it can make or break the statement.
I remember growing up in this culture that taught the success of life was that marrying a returned missionary was the solution, the Disney version of a happily ever after Mormon life. You could absolutely know and have a fantastic marriage, even when you only knew each other a short time, because the stamp of an RM made it so. Where the reality is that this scenario is not always so and coming to terms with the fact that I may have misunderstood or maybe even been misled with the sentimentality of all of this may lead to the conclusion that in fact “Life isn’t Fair”. I did it all right and still ended up alone. Go figure.
Here’s the place where many LDS singles get caught; the unfairness of it all. You know these types. The never ending stories, the weariness, the complaints. This mind process is overwhelming and oppressive and can get you caught in a cycle that can, if left unattended, be virtually impossible to remove yourself from.
Stop, let go and move on!
I remember vividly the day I woke up and the “unfairness”, though still very real to me, had let go to the reality of gratitude. I didn’t have the anxiety, the abuse, and the fatigue of an unhappy life and more often than not, life is very good. The smile returned to my continence and the laughing began, the shear exhilaration of a contented life reappeared and I was, for the first time in a long time, whole. That was worth all the pain.
Time and healing will bring you to this truth. It is real; “Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good”. Knowing and understanding this concept of our purpose here on earth is what will allow it to complete you. When you understand God’s purpose for you and know that it has essential meaning, you will also understand personal inner peace. Wow, what an amazing state of heart! I’d be hard-pressed to let this one go.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I believe....
I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warm-hearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.” ~Dali Lama
I woke up this morning late and thought about whether I should rush and try to make it to church on time or just get there when I get there. I am fortunate that our Sacrament meeting is last so slipping into class isn’t hard. I chose the latter and was grateful I did.
I woke up this morning late and thought about whether I should rush and try to make it to church on time or just get there when I get there. I am fortunate that our Sacrament meeting is last so slipping into class isn’t hard. I chose the latter and was grateful I did.
Everyone was gone from the house this morning and the puppies and I had a restful start to a beautiful Sabbath day. I love early Sunday mornings, especially in the late spring and early summer. I can’t quite decide exactly why except there is something about them that breaths rest and peace.
It made me think about this deep inner peace I am feeling now. Where does it come from? How did I get it and how can I insure it is with me.... always? I cherish my heart now and find its strengthened and purposeful beat so refreshing to what is once was. I love waking up, praying, living, studying, thinking, breathing, and living. I can’t explain why except that there is so much joy in this journey and that to miss any would be so wasteful to the gift this life is.
So inner peace is really found in the giving of your heart and time to others and in knowing when to hold on so that you can repair and rebuild to give again. Yes, waking up and knowing happiness is just a breath away makes living worth every moment and though I know and have great understanding of those whose moments are much harder; now my admonition is simple and true. Happiness is really just a moment away but feeling the intense sadness is a necessary part of this existence we agreed to. It’s opposition and without it, the highs would not be as high and that is what makes it all worth it.
I watch life now with such a rose coloured pair of glasses on. They see everything very clearly but they know that all the shades available to us only intensify our whole purpose for being here. Hang on; hold tight, it’s a ride worth being on.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
To Gather
To gather,
To mend,
To feel peace,
Comfort.
And to know,
You are safe.
I call you home.
My song reaches yours,
And you know,
You are welcome,
Always,
And Forever.
Come gather,
Come be,
Come one,
To the many,
To feel home.
We are peace,
We are laughter,
We are spiritual,
We are together,
We are mended
And we are,
FAMILY!
Welcome Home!
When they said they were moving away, my heart opened and ached and yet I knew that as much as I wanted them here, there was better. They would grow and they would learn and then they would understand the family song that brings us the inner peace and knowledge and helps our hearts sing.
Well, they left and they struggled and now, one by one they are returning; better and more mature and knowing that they can do it on their own but with others, they are more whole; more complete; more at peace.
I know they will find their loves; karma will bring it to them. If aboriginal beliefs are part of a learning that is so basic to this world, the first religion, then their songs are beautiful and fulfilling and their songs will be in harmony to each other.
Why is it that some of us complete ourselves in family? When we have children, we change. A part of us is given away and we become inherently unselfish and we grow and our songs become more beautiful and our earth songs tug us harder to sing louder and more pure than we ever have before. Our songs are our legacy. They are our stamp on the universe. They are what define us to each other.
I love because I was loved and because I do love I am part of the plan that is so essential to the being and purpose to this life. Nothing much else matters but the love I have and share.
In the end, it will be what they speak of, the chorus and song of my family. So you see, singing is everything, whether is it the kind you hear or the kind that instinctively dwells within you. My love song goes not just to my children but to my precious father, mother, sister, brothers, family and friends and to my Rocky and Ping and my grand puppies. I will be judged by that song and how well it is a part of who I was, who I am and who I will be. I hope I haven’t hurt your ears with my song.
The gospel I love has one purpose, one hope, one great and everlasting commandment…… to love. That’s it, simple and pure and unfettered. When you understand this, nothing much else matters and you find peace, the kind that makes you free! The kind that makes you feel home!
Welcome home BBG’s. Welcome home!
To mend,
To feel peace,
Comfort.
And to know,
You are safe.
I call you home.
My song reaches yours,
And you know,
You are welcome,
Always,
And Forever.
Come gather,
Come be,
Come one,
To the many,
To feel home.
We are peace,
We are laughter,
We are spiritual,
We are together,
We are mended
And we are,
FAMILY!
Welcome Home!
When they said they were moving away, my heart opened and ached and yet I knew that as much as I wanted them here, there was better. They would grow and they would learn and then they would understand the family song that brings us the inner peace and knowledge and helps our hearts sing.
Well, they left and they struggled and now, one by one they are returning; better and more mature and knowing that they can do it on their own but with others, they are more whole; more complete; more at peace.
I know they will find their loves; karma will bring it to them. If aboriginal beliefs are part of a learning that is so basic to this world, the first religion, then their songs are beautiful and fulfilling and their songs will be in harmony to each other.
Why is it that some of us complete ourselves in family? When we have children, we change. A part of us is given away and we become inherently unselfish and we grow and our songs become more beautiful and our earth songs tug us harder to sing louder and more pure than we ever have before. Our songs are our legacy. They are our stamp on the universe. They are what define us to each other.
I love because I was loved and because I do love I am part of the plan that is so essential to the being and purpose to this life. Nothing much else matters but the love I have and share.
In the end, it will be what they speak of, the chorus and song of my family. So you see, singing is everything, whether is it the kind you hear or the kind that instinctively dwells within you. My love song goes not just to my children but to my precious father, mother, sister, brothers, family and friends and to my Rocky and Ping and my grand puppies. I will be judged by that song and how well it is a part of who I was, who I am and who I will be. I hope I haven’t hurt your ears with my song.
The gospel I love has one purpose, one hope, one great and everlasting commandment…… to love. That’s it, simple and pure and unfettered. When you understand this, nothing much else matters and you find peace, the kind that makes you free! The kind that makes you feel home!
Welcome home BBG’s. Welcome home!
Friday, May 15, 2009
"I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant." ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.I had a checkup yesterday, or maybe I should say tune up. It has been a while since I have checked in with the famous Dr. W and after a few bumps in my proverbial life road I thought I should see if maybe my thought processes were still copasetic with life in general. Apparently, all is well.
Oh sure, there were things that I might have done a bit better but in consideration of where I have been, it’s all good. I am stronger, happier, and healthier; more at peace than I have been in my entire life and that is in part because of the wisdom and advice this wonderful doctor has imparted to me.
Absolutes, surprises, and shocks were part of the discussion but for the most part, living to what I knew in my heart was right has made for a much improved life.
Changes; there is still a bit left over of the owning what isn’t mine to own and being better at boundaries. Will this heartache of a lost 25 years subside? Maybe, but knowing the cost gives me strength so it is vital to have a recollection of the growing from the sad circumstances. This will insure no repeats.
So what am I on about; LIVING WELL and LOVING LIFE. I can’t be accused of not grabbing hold of this concept to its fullest. I have such a deep and extreme hope for my future and for my family’s future. That, in itself, is a bit of miracle because for a time, the despair of a complete hopeless life was my entire existence. So if you are at the beginning of your journey…. Hang tight and if you are at the end….. Hold on! The best is yet to come.
To end this entry, I found this quote. I believe it applies.
"If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress." ~Barack Obama
Monday, May 11, 2009
Too Often.....
“Too often we are scared, scared of what we might not be able to do, scared of what people might think if we tried, we let our fears stand in the way of our hopes. Why? There's really no time to be afraid. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Everything!”
Why is it that half the time now, I feel like a 15 year old girl just on the verge of turning 16 and scared to death of what might be the possibility of dating? Holy freak, this pit in the bottom of my stomach has to go away and I just need to get over myself! Oh, and did I tell you how much I dislike dating or anything that resembles it.
In my lifetime, I have never been tongue tied but here I am at 47 and at a loss for words, almost always, thinking that I am saying the wrong thing or saying something completely stupid. Or, I can’t shut up which then guarantees I am saying something completely ridiculous. Figure that out for me, can you? Are you confused…? I am ALL THE TIME!
Maybe we are meant to fall in love and marry in our twenties because by the time you are my age you OVER ANALYZE everything and talk yourself out of it! See, doesn’t it sound nuts! Yeah….certifiable!
So what am I on about?
As scared as I am, I know that I really do have “nothing to lose” and “everything to gain”. But one question; why does it feel like I have to throw up ALL THE TIME!
My BBB, D, laughs at me non stop. He is casually dating and having the time of his life and when the phone rings, I jump a mile in the sky and he just reaches over, nonchalantly, to answer it. If it’s for him, you totally see this charm thing happen. It’s like a switch that when he realizes it’s a girl for him you see his brain disengage from what he is doing and the “FLIRT” button gets pushed and he turns on the smooth.
Me, on the other hand, the exact opposite. It’s almost hilarious to watch. D gets quite the kick out of it. I stutter and sound stupid and talk way too much. That’s not anything like me so the conundrum; How do I get the smooth back into my life? Where’s my mojo and had to I restart it? Women at 47 are not meant to have an on/off switch for “FLIRT”. Oh, I could do a serious amount of flirting when I was in my late teens to early twenties but now, it’s a loss.
I went on a temple trip with some singles and it ended up being me and two guys. These two are becoming my friends and we had a light hearted and yet serious conversation about what men and women want, at our ages, when it comes to dating in the church. These two fine gentlemen assured me that I flirt just fine but the irony is I didn’t think I really had. They told me that I had the personality that put them at ease but that didn’t show up until recently. Before, they said, I was brutally honest when I said to them, “I am not ready to date, I am just checking out this scene!” The funny thing is; I don’t remember saying that at all, LOL. Where have I been these last few months?
So barring the feeling that I am going to throw up all the time, I really am starting to enjoy this new single life I have. I have been blessed throughout this entire journey. Wish me luck people. It can’t get much scarier then this, at least I think it can’t?
Why is it that half the time now, I feel like a 15 year old girl just on the verge of turning 16 and scared to death of what might be the possibility of dating? Holy freak, this pit in the bottom of my stomach has to go away and I just need to get over myself! Oh, and did I tell you how much I dislike dating or anything that resembles it.
In my lifetime, I have never been tongue tied but here I am at 47 and at a loss for words, almost always, thinking that I am saying the wrong thing or saying something completely stupid. Or, I can’t shut up which then guarantees I am saying something completely ridiculous. Figure that out for me, can you? Are you confused…? I am ALL THE TIME!
Maybe we are meant to fall in love and marry in our twenties because by the time you are my age you OVER ANALYZE everything and talk yourself out of it! See, doesn’t it sound nuts! Yeah….certifiable!
So what am I on about?
As scared as I am, I know that I really do have “nothing to lose” and “everything to gain”. But one question; why does it feel like I have to throw up ALL THE TIME!
My BBB, D, laughs at me non stop. He is casually dating and having the time of his life and when the phone rings, I jump a mile in the sky and he just reaches over, nonchalantly, to answer it. If it’s for him, you totally see this charm thing happen. It’s like a switch that when he realizes it’s a girl for him you see his brain disengage from what he is doing and the “FLIRT” button gets pushed and he turns on the smooth.
Me, on the other hand, the exact opposite. It’s almost hilarious to watch. D gets quite the kick out of it. I stutter and sound stupid and talk way too much. That’s not anything like me so the conundrum; How do I get the smooth back into my life? Where’s my mojo and had to I restart it? Women at 47 are not meant to have an on/off switch for “FLIRT”. Oh, I could do a serious amount of flirting when I was in my late teens to early twenties but now, it’s a loss.
I went on a temple trip with some singles and it ended up being me and two guys. These two are becoming my friends and we had a light hearted and yet serious conversation about what men and women want, at our ages, when it comes to dating in the church. These two fine gentlemen assured me that I flirt just fine but the irony is I didn’t think I really had. They told me that I had the personality that put them at ease but that didn’t show up until recently. Before, they said, I was brutally honest when I said to them, “I am not ready to date, I am just checking out this scene!” The funny thing is; I don’t remember saying that at all, LOL. Where have I been these last few months?
So barring the feeling that I am going to throw up all the time, I really am starting to enjoy this new single life I have. I have been blessed throughout this entire journey. Wish me luck people. It can’t get much scarier then this, at least I think it can’t?
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Joyce Ellen Ross Lloyd
"When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk you'll end up as the pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso." ~ Pablo Picasso
This is a hard holiday for me, it always has been. I remember as a child I would love to make and give my mother something every mother's day. She always did so much for me I could never find a way to give back, I don't think, in all the years she was alive, I ever really made it clear just how truly in debt I was to her for her example. I live that example everyday. I have always said that I will measure my success by just how close I can come to being just like her.
Every breath I take in, labored or not, in some real way aches at the missing of her. She was for me, the greatest cheering section, the wisest teacher and the sternest boss. She enveloped me in an unconditional love that only mothers have the capacity to give and it is what I miss most.
My strength is hers, my wisdom is hers, my hope and my dreams are because she taught me to always be open to the realization that I could be anything. My survival of these last few years is because, at the end of her life, she choose the most unselfish path by taking that time to have me look at all the possibilities that I could have and to take them, enjoy them and to live happy and never once was selfish in the pain of cancer.
Do I feel alone? NEVER, because she is always with me. Her words resonate my thoughts and my actions are a result of her life and the greatest example she gave me.
Happy Mother's Day Mom! Though you are not with me in person, you're spirit is always near. I love you........ and thanks....... for everything!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Giving Liberates the Soul
"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."
Maya Angelou:
So there is some wisdom that our mothers taught us by shear repetitive brow beating that once you were old enough to understand you knew that the words spoken were an important LIFE LESSON that they wanted you to know, to understand, to live by.
One of those lessons from my precious Mom was the knowledge that in life, there are two types of people; the “takers” and the “givers”. She expected us to fall in the latter of the two categories for a number of reasons.
From an early age, I knew this wisdom to be true. If I ever thought my mother was the greatest woman alive I have not spoken or written enough about the grandmother I had or the legacy of strong independent Scottish woman whose dedication to life and family was unprecedented. My great grandmother was a part of my life as well until I was 7 and I have vivid and happy memories of her influence as well.
What I always have known is that strength, especially the female variety is self driven and as a woman, I can do anything I put my mind to…. Anything! This is important as I address the givers and takers in life.
Living is complicated by the demands life has on each of us. How we are raised and how much we have can affect whether we become a “giver” or a “taker”. We can be raised to be ether as well by example or by purpose but in any case you are, in life, either one or the other. I was raised to be and was instilled with the greatest example of giving. Giving and sacrificing was the way of being a Patterson woman, even, to some extent, to our own peril.
So here’s what I am on about.
If at the end of the day we can say that we gave more than we took, we can call ourselves “givers”. I measure a day by this. For a time, I came out on the taker end and was so laden with guilt that it became overwhelming. A wise friend then gave me this poem.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into our life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
To the friends who have given and to the friends who have taken the balance it what brings me the emotional health I enjoy so much today. Life is always a two way street. I fully intend to be involved in the whole journey…. Both ways and in the enjoyment of everything there is to see and be involved in!
I have also learned that if someone does you the courtesy of sharing it is essential to listen and to understand why whatever higher power you believe in needed you to understand why that message was meant to be in your life at that time. There are no chance encounters just meetings that fate finally brought together.
My life is blessed, I know it, and I am grateful everyday for it!
Maya Angelou:
So there is some wisdom that our mothers taught us by shear repetitive brow beating that once you were old enough to understand you knew that the words spoken were an important LIFE LESSON that they wanted you to know, to understand, to live by.
One of those lessons from my precious Mom was the knowledge that in life, there are two types of people; the “takers” and the “givers”. She expected us to fall in the latter of the two categories for a number of reasons.
From an early age, I knew this wisdom to be true. If I ever thought my mother was the greatest woman alive I have not spoken or written enough about the grandmother I had or the legacy of strong independent Scottish woman whose dedication to life and family was unprecedented. My great grandmother was a part of my life as well until I was 7 and I have vivid and happy memories of her influence as well.
What I always have known is that strength, especially the female variety is self driven and as a woman, I can do anything I put my mind to…. Anything! This is important as I address the givers and takers in life.
Living is complicated by the demands life has on each of us. How we are raised and how much we have can affect whether we become a “giver” or a “taker”. We can be raised to be ether as well by example or by purpose but in any case you are, in life, either one or the other. I was raised to be and was instilled with the greatest example of giving. Giving and sacrificing was the way of being a Patterson woman, even, to some extent, to our own peril.
So here’s what I am on about.
If at the end of the day we can say that we gave more than we took, we can call ourselves “givers”. I measure a day by this. For a time, I came out on the taker end and was so laden with guilt that it became overwhelming. A wise friend then gave me this poem.
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into our life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
To the friends who have given and to the friends who have taken the balance it what brings me the emotional health I enjoy so much today. Life is always a two way street. I fully intend to be involved in the whole journey…. Both ways and in the enjoyment of everything there is to see and be involved in!
I have also learned that if someone does you the courtesy of sharing it is essential to listen and to understand why whatever higher power you believe in needed you to understand why that message was meant to be in your life at that time. There are no chance encounters just meetings that fate finally brought together.
My life is blessed, I know it, and I am grateful everyday for it!