T-MINUS Three Days

I never thought that this loss I have suffered would affect me so deeply and so fully and even in my head, I keep repeating... "he was just a dog, he was just a dog" but nothing seems to make it go away. It's an ache at the pit of my heart and it hits every time I walk through the door and he's not there, wagging his whole body because of his docked tail or when I pull the covers up over me at night and there give so easily because he's not laying on them. Rocketman was the one thing that made it that I was never alone... ever and now, I feel alone and I am fighting grief in such a profound way.

I am so grateful for all of the well wishes and sympathy afforded me and I know that loving Rocky made me a better person. I know that Rocky brought to our family, at least W, the kids and I, a great sense of belonging and now, I understand the literature and the movies that deal with K9 companionship. I fell this loss so much I fell lost.

Yesterday, W and K4 and a friend went to the mountains. It was beautiful there and for a few hours my mind was on other things. We ended up going over some barriers to get a better view and pictures and it was slippery and a bit scary but so worth it. We climbed back out and as I reached the top of the hill there was a man with his new puppy who was the spitting image of my Rocketman but three times the size. The man looked at me and saw my face - he said "no worries, he friendly, he won't bite", I told him I wasn't scared that I was overwhelmed, that his dog looked like the dog I had just lost two days before. He offered his sympathies and I knew, Karma or the Universe or whatever you want to call it had helped me to understand that there is hope and movement forward. I asked what the breed was and he told me and I knew that when the time is right - it will be a goldendoodle.... for sure.

I know there will come a time when I walk through the door and I won't miss my little man, I know that pulling the covers up will not remind me of his absence but my heart and soul have been blessed to be the companion of such a great little guy. Wow, how lucky am I. Wait, how blessed was I to have that great dog in my life.