Dear Mom

“Promise me you'll never forget me

because if I thought you would

I'd never leave.”

~ Winnie the Pooh

Mom;


Had I known you were going to leave so unexpectedly that day five years ago I would have shown up sooner and asked so many more questions. I would have listened better and never left your side and I would have asked you to tell me so much more of your life, your loves and your values. I would have wanted you to know more than I already said how much I appreciated you and how much your wisdom mattered in my life. I would have said how much I cared and I would have told you “I loved you more!”


Did you know you meant everything to me? That everyday I thank the Lord for you and who you were in my life. I can’t think of a better Mom and if I had a dime for others who say the same thing I would be rich. Your gift of a welcoming home and unconditional love is immeasurable in it’s worth and because of it I have the strength and the courage I do today. I am who I am because you loved me and because you were the gift God gave me for a mother.


I miss you so much. I drive by your house still and I ache at your absence. What pearls of wisdom would you have for me now? Would you love W as much as I do? Would he make you laugh like he makes me laugh? You would be so proud of my kids and all they are accomplishing. You always told me not to worry. I should have listened to you all along.


I have no doubt my Charley would be in your arms and your love for him even more immense than any grandchild you have now. I know you would be just as excited as I am for M or H or D, whatever his name ends up being. It just grows; just like you said; the love you have for your child, as great as is it, grows ever more exponentially with a grandchild. You were so right. I love you for that wisdom.


When I see and hear my friends talk about their Mom’s I get jealous and pained. What I would give for just a few more days, a week, a year to just have you, to have your strength beside me, to know, out there, someone loves me no matter what. Thanks for that by the way, thanks so much. I don’t think I appreciated that as much as I should have when you were around.

The other day, when Charley was crying so and K had such a worried look on her face, A too. I was scared. I had to look like I knew what I was doing and know, instinctively what was wrong. As I was praying and walking I felt you, right there beside me, walking with me. Thank -You for that; thank-you so much.


You know C don’t you? He is an observer but you already knew that. What wisdom you must impart on these beautiful great grandchildren that are coming. How lucky are they to have you beside them? Too have Grandma P and W too. I wish I was at that tea party sometimes. The wisdom that comes through those generations is wonderful.


So today, I have thought of you and I smiled, I shed some tears and I learned more about hope. I do hope I leave my grandchildren with the same feelings of love and unconditional acceptance that you gave to your grandchildren. I hope I can be at least a bit like you to your great grandchildren. A woman can hope, right?


I miss you, I miss you so much. I feel now how you felt all those years ago when Grandma P left. I get what you meant when you said a part of you left with her.


Thanks again, thanks for being everything you were to me. Thanks for being such an incredible mother and an even more amazing grandmother. I can’t think of a better Mom or grandmother that there ever was. I was blessed.


Thank-you.
S