Simple Things

“It is always the simple things that change our lives. And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen. Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so. You feel like running, but life is on a stroll. This is how God does things.” ~ Donald Miller

Our Easter holiday is over and I dropped K1 and A off at the airport Monday morning. I can’t even begin to tell you just how much this holiday meant to all of us. We come together in such a beautiful way and are fully learning to enjoy each others company without the past inflicting it’s wounds on us anymore. Peace is so a part of it all and now we are spoiled, it defines the holidays.

There have been times that I wanted all the healing to be done, all the effort completed and my life completely back to normal. Then comes the conundrum. What is normal? Yeah, that’s a loaded question. Who defines it and what does it mean and how, if at all, can you tell if you have come to it?

So, with everyone milling through my house on Sunday, the kids anxiously waiting for the Easter Egg Hunt and the other adults conversing I just sat and looked upon the scene and sensed that normal was finally upon us. Sure, S punched H in the nose and W raised his voice at S but this is all the normal interactions of a happy and functional family. How can anyone judge another’s family interactions? What was once is now gone and what is….. Is so absolutely beautiful it is divine! I have been so blessed.

I remember praying sometime back for the drama and the pain to just cease. It felt like it would never end and that the torment and heartache would always be a part of life and living and that it would infuse its web throughout it. I am happy to say that it does lessen and at times even feels like it is gone but the most astounding thing is the way your heart changes, how it evolves. It’s as if your heart becomes protected and while you put your energy into the healing process, it encases itself in a spiritual bubble and it strengthens. The sad irony of all of this drama is that it can only strengthen because of the heartache. You must feel the pain to know the joy. It’s what we agreed to before we even came here; ironic, isn’t it?

I am in a huge transition now. I am learning to trust again and to let others into my family’s lives. My kids are ready too. They are excited to see me dating now, which, by the way, I have just started doing. Dr. W asked me to wait a year and it has been, above all else, the best advice anyone has ever given me in regards to my healing from this divorce. My thought processes are so different. I think more with logic than my heart and when I feel confused my head has a stronger say they my wounded heart. You can’t trust a wounded heart to make good decisions.

I know when the time comes to really allow the heart to open it may take a great deal of trust. It scares me to think I may need to trust another with this fragile heart of mine. It’s exhilarating and frightening all at that same time. I like that right now, I have friends. I prayed for a long time for the Lord to soften the hearts of the men I was meeting and that they would know that friendship is essential and He has done that. I have friends now.

There is never a point when you are going through a divorce where you can truly just rely on yourself. I have always trusted those who have led me in presiding positions and in the spirit as I have endured and orientated myself through this unfamiliar terrain. I am so grateful for all the Big Guy has done for me, I am in his debt.

My heart is stirring and I am learning to trust again. My kids are happy and I am happy. This is something that had you asked me even just a year ago if it would be possible I would have doubted. I was so wrong. Happiness is around the corner it just takes it time in coming. The more patience you have the more this feeling will be with you for a longer time. Patience and understanding God’s timeline will reveal the absolute healing the atonement offers. I am so grateful for the Big Guy’s timeline and for those who helped me to understand that His timeline is so much healthier that what would have been mine.

I have been truly blessed.