"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. "

C. S. Lewis

My life’s circumstances have forced me to take an exhaustive look at what I know to be true and every part of what I believe has been challenged by the culture my beliefs reside in. Yeah, that was an ear full.

What are you on about now; listen with your heart as you read.

I LOVE the gospel of Jesus Christ. What he came to this earth to do and did have given me one of the greatest gifts and life lessons to live and breathe by.

The principle of forgiveness alone is one aspect that can free you soul and give breath to every moment of your life. The despair you live under as you go about your days without granting forgiveness to yourself or others can deconstruct your life to a point where living it is impossible.

The burden of such a life is far too great to bear and pointless because He has afforded us the privilege of bearing that burden for us.

The atonement is so crucial in the development of your self worth. Without it I cannot conceive the pathway of a life journey in any safe and joyful kind of way. I am so grateful for having come to a more astute and impartial way of understanding this great gift.

The Savior’s life and his path is also another great barometer to how one should conduct themselves. He did not surround himself by drones and like minded people. His disciples were varied and represented every part of life in the holy land at the time. It would be hard to fathom the gossip and criticism that he must have drawn as he called Matthew, a tax collector, into his inner circle. I am sure that even some of the other disciples had to swallow their harsh words and feelings to overcome the preconceived prejudices so that they could govern this new church in harmony and peace.

With all this being said what is it I want to say.

I have always looked at things mostly from my own vantage point. How does what is happening affect my life and what does it mean to me? The transition that is now happening is that more often that not, I look the reverse way and because of that I am able to somehow survive the culture that is not so welcoming of the life I have now.

There are so many times when being at church is the last place I have wanted to be. I felt I could not abide one more day of invisibility or heartache and then I remembered that the reasons for being there don’t lie in the social aspect but the spiritual and I let all of the burdens go that I have hoisted on my own back and continue to face the culture.

The sadness I feel is that the culture, in most cases, does not reflect the purposes of the gospel nor I believe the hearts of most of the people.

Now, here’s the hard part. How can I/we change that?

By being and acting different.

When you see that sister/brother alone and hurting and you all know what I mean, every ward has them. Don’t be afraid. There is a good chance they have no intention of burdening you and even if they do, count it as a blessing that they trust you enough to share and then ….., simply listen. It really is all that they are looking for.

Make this culture about the gospel and not about the people. Be different so difference can happen. I have seen far too many people I love leave because they cannot stand the hurt and the frustration any more.

Be part of the solution, not part of the problem and make it a point, especially this Christmas season, to reach out unexpectedly and make a difference in a members life that you may feel is struggling with their testimony and faith.

PLEASE - Don’t be fake either. Commit to the Saviors example and genuinely care! These people need it. Heck, we all need it. I have committed to being Mormon not out of some cultural decision but because, above all else, I know this gospel is true…., for me.

These people are not hard to find, they are all around you. If you don’t believe me, stop and think for a moment. Now, lift your hands up and use your fingers to count how many of your friends have left the pews. My guess is you’ll run out of fingers. Now, do something more, count how many are family members.

(As a side note here; people have the right to choose a different path than our faith. If that’s the case then all I ask is; how do you treat those who have left? If you have distanced yourself and no longer have anything to do with them, maybe that is an indication of your cultural attachment to the church.)

The church is all encompassing and takes up a huge amount of time. I am guilty of letting good friends go. Being Mormon or not is not a criterion to friendship. A balanced approach to life includes all denominations. One of my dear friends is Muslim and had I not been friends with her I would not have any grasp on the world as we know it. Branching out and extending ourselves is the best medicine for a crowded and unwelcoming heart.

Here’s another of my wishes this Christmas, on a very personal note. I have hope that we will extend ourselves as a faith into the lives of those that we know and have loved who we have lost or may lose contact with and let them know how grateful we are and have been for their presence in our lives. Now that’s a Christmas present with great value and well worth giving.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Some Things Don't Matter

"You know, some things don’t matter that much Lily. Like the color of a house. How big is that in the overall scheme of life? But lifting a person’s heart – now that matters."
August – The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd

If I hadn’t already said this, which I believe I already have in previous entry, I love to read.

Now, you can’t categorize what it is I like because it ranges from Dan Brown’s "Digital Fortress" to Jane Austen’s anything. What it is I love about reading is the lyrical nature of the words and the message they bring.

Messages are the most important part of it and they can be found as blatantly as in a title to a simple sentence addressed by a character in the novel, like the above quote.

So what am I on about?

There I was, finished my morning musings to the Big Guy while I was riding the blessed CTrain. (I doubt I will ever develop a fondness for that mode of transportation!) And I began to read my current novel; " The Secret Lives of Bees" by Sue Monk Kidd.

Yeah, I know it’s been made into a movie. No, I haven’t seen it yet and yes, I will probably go once I am finished reading the book. This book has one of my favorite formats for a novel. Conflict and struggles hidden amongst the everyday living of average people. I loved "To Kill a Mocking Bird" by Harper Lee so anything familiarly close to that becomes of interest to me as this one did. Besides…. It’s the book club read so two stones with one bird here.

I have been enjoying it so much. I haven’t had a ton of time for novel reads so this is one book that truly is taking me away in its adventure and I get quite caught up in it. I almost missed my stop last night as I had gotten to a very pivotal part of the novel.

This morning, as I was reading, it happened. Words, that when combined together so effortlessly and beautifully bring my mind to a stand still and causes it to reflect…. Deeply.

The above words from the novel did just that. In-between the 39th Ave and Erlton station on the south leg of the Calgary Transit CTrain line, my mind paused and I reflected and had another AHA moment. Go figure.

What did my mind repeat; "THIS I BELIEVE. THIS I PRACTISE."

After pondering it, I thought, "this is truth revealed to witness how much I have changed". I really have rediscovered in my life a way to make the things that should matter mean something and purge the mundane little things to exactly where they belong.

If I wondered, at incidence at church brought it to light.

One of D. friends came to me and was bitterly complaining that I was allowing D. to do something on a Sunday that he felt, or maybe better stated, that his family felt was inappropriate for that day.

Without even flinching I turned to the young man and said " How could anybody ever judge how perfect you are if others aren’t allowed to do imperfect things that you can be compared to?"

The young man was stunned. Now please, understand, I wasn't trying to be rude. I just wanted this young man to understand that D made that choice and it was his alone. In hind sight, I probably could have elaborated a bit better and probably should have.

There are people who will never be able to understand the dynamics of my family and the way that decisions have to be made now. Because, for so very long, choice was not afforded, valiant spirits fought back and inappropriate choices were made. Through counseling, I have been told to allow my kids to make even wrong choices, but to follow through and council with them so as to inform them of all that is available to them. Most importantly, however, to understand that the choice is theirs to make, especially at the ages they are.

When D got home, we talked. A heartfelt, sincere discussion ensued and we have committed to try and be more willing to follow the principles’ we love. I cannot force anything on my kids. I can gently lead them. At some point, they lead themselves, hopefully in peace and harmony to their own truths.

Yeah, in most Mormon eyes I will never win "Mother of the Year" award. So be it.

In the eyes of my children though, I am trying and they respect that.

There is no failure in the effort to succeed, only in the refusal to ever move forward in faith knowing that sometimes the outcome can’t be predicted.

My children and I love each other, the way the Savior would expect us to. Their knowing that my love is not contingent on their choices but on their beings gives them a self worth that enables them to be safe and secure. Their choices then are not blurred by a desire to find something that is missing because I have failed to give them it. They have unconditional love.

That is what a parent must do.

A Glorious Time of Year.

"This is a glorious time of the year, simple in origin, deep in meaning, beautiful in tradition and custom, rich in memories, and charitable in spirit. It has an attraction to which our hearts are readily drawn. This joyful season brings to each of us a measure of happiness that corresponds to the degree in which we have turned our mind, feelings, and actions to the spirit of Christmas."

Thomas S. Monson,

"What Is Christmas?" Ensign, Dec. 1998, 2

I have the fondest memories of Christmas and none of them involve gifts I received. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember very much about those gifts I do about the feelings I had about the giving of Christmas gifts. Mom put so much into the giving and that was what made it so WONDERFUL.

Mom was a very industrious women and most of what we received over the years was made, from the clothes we wore to the clothes our Barbie’s enjoyed. I remember hours and hours of time spent with family and the one gift throughout the season was being with them. Aunts and Uncles, younger cousins; Christmas was always about being with family.

One year, when I believe money might have been an issue. Mom decided to creatively wrap every gift she had. There were trains and diggers and doll made out of many different boxes. These boxes were created into so many different things that the most joy came from seeing what came next. The looks on my young cousin’s faces were priceless and when you think about it, at that age, the unwrapping of the gifts could sometimes be more exciting.

Christmas has such a spirit of Joy still. Mom weaves through every part of it from the decorating, as you pull out one more decoration she made for you, to the clay Nativity set her and M painstakingly crafted for all 7 families. I still weep as these come out and it brings her once again back into my home. It’s as if she is beside me and I feel her warmth in my soul.
What we accomplish as parents at Christmas is so essential to a feeling that our children will carry forward and pass on for generation to generations to come.

I am hoping this year, as money is significantly less, and things will be very different, that my children and I can have such an incredible growth in spirit of family that I can at least find the hope that we too will know the peace of being a family and being together. If anticipation is an indicator we are so getting there. My heart beats faster each day as we get closer to all being together again.

Family is Zen!

Always.

That’s the spirit of Christmas.

As I Walk Through Life.

As I Walk Through Life ....

I've learned-that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned-that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned-that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned-that we are responsible for what we do,no matter how we feel.

I've learned-that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned-that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned-that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned-that sometimes when I'm angryI have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned-that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned-that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned-that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others, Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned-that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

I've learned-that two people can look atthe exact same thing and see something totally different.

author unknown

Snow, Glorius Snow!

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

So, we are having a heavenly snow storm right now! I absolutely love these. I just came in from outside and the thing I love the most is the stillness in the air while you are standing as snow falls all around you! What can I say. It's beautiful!

It's just over two weeks til Christmas. Here' a challenge. Instead of worrying what you haven't got done, think about what's in store. Reflect on the time you will be with people, whether your family or friends or whomever and think about how they can be a more influential part of your life. How you can be influential to them and make that the most important gift exchange of the season!

And then, go play in the snow.

You should have Joy in The Journey after all.

Christmas Essential.

"It is essential to know that to be a happy person, a happy family, a happy society, it is very crucial to have a good heart, that is very crucial. World peace must develop from inner peace. Peace is not just the absence of violence but the manifestation of human compassion."

Dalai Lama

A happy heart....., can you help me understand what that might be? I was thinking the other day what makes someone happy? Is it who they are with? Is it what they believe? Is it what they have?

You see, in my life I have had many things both temporal and spiritual but the happiness I feel now comes from deep within. Very rarely do we have contention or anger in our lives. There is no harsh or ill feelings and we do love each other more now than we ever have.

It's a blessing of contentment to know that by definition we are who we are and we are okay with that. It's waking and sleeping knowing that alone is not lonely but a time to get to know who you are and what you can be for others. It is the lesson I am giving to my kids as they watch me be single.

Happiness is very much an unselfish act that gives to those around you. By being happy you can bring peace to those who you interact with and open a forum of understanding that gives homage to a restless soul. It can bring your own restless soul to peace.

There are times when I question; Would I be happier by definition if I were coupled? I think, in time, when the Big Guy sees fit, he will bring someone into my life, but for now, the family's happiness is dependant on my availability to them. Once they are all adults and my heart is completely healed, I can share my soul again with another in trust.

I look so forward to peace and harmony as the standard for defining me and my children. WE ARE SO GETTING THERE.

Can you even imagine the excitement we are all feeling as we get closer to being together in harmony and acceptance through this Christmas season . There will be no judgement this year, none at all!

Wow, I find such surprise in how far we have come and yet still remain a bit scared at how far we still have to go. All in all though, Yomomma and her family is generally at Zen most of the time!

Throughout all the years of knowing my precious babies I have seen in them some of the most compassionate and giving acts of kindness.They have pure and honest hearts. Yes, they are not perfect but what they are is kind and loving having grown up in an environment where that might not have been the norm.

Changing what is expected of you and becoming different that what others perceive will be your definition is the breaking of the cycle. I am so grateful for the breaking of this one cycle.

Peace for the season. May we all come to it in our own ways!

K, K, K & D, 11 more days to a complete family. Yeahhhhhhh!

What is Christmas?

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.
Agnes M. Pharo

So, I am beginning to love this season. I am so looking forward to having the spirit of this great season be a part of our living, our life. When I was out with K -2 last night she spoke about hurrying Christmas along so it could be here. I didn't need to ask why. I knew, for her, Christmas meant that we would all be together and that we would just be..... again.

My heart melted at this thought. All of us, enjoying our Fondue and laughing about the crazy life we have shared together. We will open the Christmas Eve gift and and the girls will then negotiate the pj's around so they are all satisfied with the colors because every year I seem to get that mistaken.

D is thinking a sleeveless t shirt and flannels are good. It might be required since he has taken to walking around the house in his undies now that he is the only one around.

If I sound excited.... I am!

We remember years of Christmas's with Grandma L and the love that she infused into this season.

Peace will be ours this season.

Finally.

Whatever they Grow Up to Be!

"Whatever they grow up to be, they are still our children, and the most important of all the things we can give to them is unconditional love. Not a love that depends on anything at all except that they are our children."
Rosaleen Dickson

Do children ever stop needing their parents? I don’t mean in the way you think, not monetarily but in the way that says…. At the end of the day, someone out there loves me and has my back.

I spent the weekend in Van with my precious K -1 and K – 3. The feeling of elation I had as I saw them waiting by the baggage claim! My heart nearly blew out of my chest and I thought, wow, have I ever missed you two! I felt a piece of me was whole again.

They are doing well in Van. The city is vibrant and alive but within this family I have we long to be together always. Being a whole is fulfilling and peaceful but what surprises me most is how whole is defined now. It is much different than before.

I have no right as a parent to have any expectation on my children as to where they live once they are adults. They are free to chose where they go and to whom they go with. It’s weird though, this family connection. It’s what makes your birth hometown your home even when you haven’t lived in it the majority of your life. It’s what makes your heart at ease when the plane lands and you feel the earth that knows you and has been a part of you forever.

But is it earth and things or is it the people, the family you love that makes home….. makes your home?

My kids are so special to me. If all of them moved to Vancouver you can bet that I would pack up and move there too. But what if they splinter…. Some here; some there? What do I do then?

I have a need to smell and see my kidlets to know that a part of me is whole in them. I am their Mom and right now, for this time, the only parent in their lives. They are needed in a way and needy as well to feel and to know that they are part of something bigger than themselves. They need to know we are five and strong and together.

Had you told me five years ago that the K’s would get along let alone have the immense love and determination to be whole as sisters I would have scoffed and thought…pftt, no way! These girls are sisters in every sense of the word and love each other so much and when they are mothering D it is a sight to behold. That poor boy hasn’t a chance! He has 4 mothers and he is loved beyond words and deeds.

This is what completes us as humans, this God given unit we call family. This bond that unites and builds us and gives us strength and peace in a time where the world is so troubled and full of doubt. What I thank the Big Guy for is forgiveness and for tolerance and I have the strongest testimony of healing and the atonement now.

This Christmas we will all be together. The girls and I were talking and it was mentioned that with this Christmas is the possibility of peace for the first time in a huge number of years.

What can I say?

If I had ever wondered that to stand and make the statement of unconditional love as the key to the rebuilding of a very fractured and broken family, I have no doubt about that now!

My children are the bomb! I welcome you to look and to observe and see why this kind of love transcends all hurt and pain. It is the pure love that binds this most important family dimension that God so lovingly granted us. This eternal family of mine.

Amen to peace.

Amen to family!

Hello Down There!

For those southern neighbors who have to rely on a media who thinks the goings on of the country just north of them plays no importance to their welfare's I thought I'd give you the heads up of what has transpired. Not included, the GG proroguing of our Parliament.... go look that one up. Only in Canada!


December 01, 2008 Dear Calgary –Centre-North Constituents; There is considerable confusion about recent events in Ottawa, so I thought you might appreciate having some information. We are fortunate to live in a democracy. Democracy means “rule by the people”. The situation that is unfolding, as outlined below, is unprecedented and Canadians should have a say. The country’s most senior decision makers are the ones who need to know Canadians’ opinions about where things should go from here. If you wish to be heard on that you could contact Stephen Harper at pm@pm.gc.ca, Stéphane Dion at DionS@parl.gc.ca , Jack Layton at Layton.J@parl.gc.ca , and Gilles Duceppe at Duceppe.G@parl.gc.ca . As always, please do not hesitate to contact our office with any questions or concerns. Best regards, The Honourable Jim Prentice High drama on Parliament Hill On Friday November 28th it was learned that the Liberals and the NDP were holding talks aimed at defeating our government, reportedly planning to ask the Governor General to allow them to form a coalition Liberal-NDP government with the support of the Quebec separatists. Yesterday there was the shocking allegation that the NDP has for several weeks now had a secret deal with the Quebec separatists to seize power at an opportune moment. Jack Layton brags about his deal with the Quebec separatist Bloc Quebecois and how it has allowed him to enter into coalition talks with the Liberals. For details of the tape go to: http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20081130/conservative_budget_081130/20081130?hub=TopStories <http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20081130/conservative_budget_081130/20081130?hub=TopStories> This situation raises a number of serious concerns, including: * This appears to be a premeditated power grab by the separatists and the socialists partnering with the federal Liberals to take over the government without an election using the economic situation as a ruse. * Any Liberal-NDP coalition would have to make significant concessions to the Bloc Québécois, a Quebec separatist party with no desire to protect Canada’s best interests. * Should this plot to seize power succeed, serious further economic instability is certain to result. * For example, a change in Ministers would require several months to recruit capable staff, become briefed on issues, and formulate policy direction and plans, among other transition responsibilities. This, together with a significant shift to the left on several policy fronts, would be very destabilizing to our entire country and disrupt relations with our trading partners at a time where there is already instability due to external pressures. * Just this October, support for the federal Liberals fell to its lowest level in history. * Stéphane Dion, a leader not supported even by his own party, could become Prime Minister. * If another Liberal was simply appointed Leader and thus Prime Minister, that person would not have a democratic mandate, even from his own Liberal party. * However, it appears that Jack Layton has really been the chief schemer behind any Liberal-NDP coalition propped up by concessions to Quebec separatists. Should this give him greater power he will certainly force far reaching changes to the treatment of our country’s job and wealth creators and to our hard won fiscal stability. Prime Minister's statement On Friday evening, even before some of these details came to light, the Prime Minister publicly expressed his concerns about this situation. You can read his remarks at: http://www.pm.gc.ca/eng/default.asp <http://www.pm.gc.ca/eng/default.asp> <http://www.pm.gc.ca/eng/default.asp <http://www.pm.gc.ca/eng/default.asp> > How did this happen? The NDP and Liberals are using the economy to justify their attempt to seize power but our government has the economic situation well in hand. Here are the facts. The Government's handling of the economic situation shows that action was taken early and was significant. On November 27th 2008 the Finance Minister tabled the regular fall Economic and Fiscal Statement. This Statement sets out the Government’s key short-term and long-term objectives as it prepares the next Budget. Budget 2009 will be tabled on January 27, 2009 – the earliest Budget ever. The Federal Government has led the world in preparing for the current economic downturn. In Budgets 2006, 2007, and 2008 significant economic stimulus was injected into the Canadian economy by way of permanent tax reductions of $200 billion for job and wealth creators and for individual Canadians. An additional $39 billion was transferred to the provinces to support health care, education, and other social programs. Also the largest infrastructure spending program since the Second World War to the tune of $33 billion was put into place. Other countries are now following Canada’s lead with similar measures. However, unlike Canada, most of them are only providing short-term stimulus. Canada’s measures are permanent. Further, these types of stimulus measures need lead time to implement before they actually impact the economy. So Canada’s early action has enabled us to enter this period of turbulence in the best position of all G7 countries. The important thing to note in all of this is that the current calls for fiscal stimulus ignore the fact that such action was taken early and was significant. As the situation worsens our Government will take further measures. Some of these were identified in the Economic and Fiscal Statement and some will be contained in Budget 2009, which will be tabled on January 27. Our Government is managing Canada’s economy in a prudent and careful way both for the short-term recessionary pressures and for the long term. For more information, here are some helpful links: - News Release Announcing Fiscal and Economic Statement http://www.fin.gc.ca/news08/08-095e.html <http://www.fin.gc.ca/news08/08-095e.html> - Things the Government has done to ensure the banks have enough money for new mortgages and other lending http://www.fin.gc.ca/news08/data/08-095_1e.html <http://www.fin.gc.ca/news08/data/08-095_1e.html> - 2008 Fiscal and Economic Statement http://www.fin.gc.ca/ec2008/ec-eng.html <http://www.fin.gc.ca/ec2008/ec-eng.html> - 2007 Economic Statement http://www.fin.gc.ca/news07/07-083e.html <http://www.fin.gc.ca/news07/07-083e.html> Rally for Canada Support democracy at the Rally for Canada http://www.rallyforcanada.ca/ <http://www.rallyforcanada.ca/> Sign a petition http://canadians4democracy.ca/ <http://canadians4democracy.ca/>
CTV.ca NDP, Bloc in coalition talks before fiscal update: tape
Source: www.ctv.ca


The New Democrats and Bloc Quebecois held talks to form a coalition party well before the opposition's uproar over the government's fiscal update, according to an audio recording of NDP Leader Jack Layton.
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Oh Canada!

I thought I'd give you a glimpse of the future Prime Minister of Canada. Well, that's if we give up on any concept of democracy and enlightenment in Canada. It's sad, you know. I have read about countries when governments are taken over by bloodless coups and it never struck me as something I would ever witness in my own country. I am horrified at this for my children. What kind of democracy lies in their future.
Alas, this is canada with a small c. Politics and greed are coming way before the will or good of the people.
When you watch our leaders in Parliament..... well, lets just say... GONG SHOW!
I've done all I can now. I have written my MP, the Governor General, all the opposition leaders, joined the ranks of the people attending rallies and even signed a petition that was nearing over 100,000 signatures and it was only 4 hours old.
To the WWW I think I'll leave you with a little sarcasm and some irony. Do politicians ever listen, an if not, then do they not seal the fate of this great country! Thanks Stephan, is this really how you want to be remembered.