It's Starting to Look A Lot Like Christmas

Last night, W, K4, and I went to go see Rita MacNeil and Frank Mills at the Southern Alberta Jubilee auditorium. I was hesitant because I had gotten the tickets to take Dad to see the concert not realizing that he usually flies in from Thailand just days before Christmas. We had spent most of the day decorating the house and getting somewhat ready for the rest of the holidays. I thought for sure this might be a bust of a concert but I couldn't have been more mistaken!

Christmases before were very difficult. There were lots of reasons to disagree and even more to want to just be left alone. It was as if Christmas was a reason to judge us even more and in the end you just sat a listened as every part of what was supposed to be a joyous season would be condemned.

Yesterday, as K3 and I were wrapping gifts and setting up the tree and I mentioned how hard is was to shake the dreaded doom that used to define the holidays and getting used to W and his enthusiasm and she agreed. We have been making great efforts to change the feelings and grasp the true reason for finding Joy is the season but somehow the past seems to rear it's ugly head every now and then.

W grew up in a religion that didn't celebrate Christmas so for him, all of it, the songs, the decorating, the remembering why we celebrate it, is the most important part of the season and I can say that it is catching on. Last night, as two absolutely amazing Canadian talents sang of their love for the season and the many reasons why we celebrate it I found myself understanding just how lucky I am for the changes that have happened and for finally having JOY through the season.

Another thing I realized last night; it was kind of an AHA moment. It was that others, meaning those not a part of my faith, can and do have a very real and deep understanding of this holiday and the importance of family. I am finding myself more and more looking at how others work their way through their own faith and beliefs and seeing that we (my faith) don't have a monopoly on belief or the ideology of family or should we ever be sanctimonious about others and there traditions of belief. I have driven by the Catholic church for years on my way to Grandma's house during the holidays and the parking lot is full as our the streets surrounding the building. The Baptist church, the United, Lutheran churches all have full parking lots as well. Christmas means as much to those folks as anyone else. It's funny, I am almost 50 years old and just now I am starting to see a whole world outside of being Mormon.

 I think it would be safe to say that at this point I, by doing nothing, have in fact decided where I stand and how I feel. Church should never be hard or harmful to anyone and asking someone to remember that it's not the people but the church seems to be a cop out to accountability to how we are treating each other. I hate being judged and I hate even more being scrutinized. It seems that I may never be able to undo the damage done by the words of my ex or the feelings that others have towards me and the role they feel I played in breaking the family that for all intents and purposes was irrevocably shattered anyway.. I don't think for a moment that people care about the truth of what really happened. The culture breeds looking at people and judging and yet professes to do quite the opposite and I am tired of trying to fit in. I am focusing on my family and finding the Joy we always deserved to have. What Christmas means now is the start of a new life. I have found true happiness and Joy within my life now and focus on my family and finding ways for them to know just how special they are to me.

Today, we are making Poppycock, because for all the years I can remember, we did just that at Grandma's house and when we do this it gives us Grandma Joy back and all that she represented during the Christmas season.