Foundations of Faith

“If we do not have a deep foundation of faith and a solid testimony of truth, we may have difficulty withstanding the harsh storms and icy winds of adversity which inevitably come to each of us."
Thomas S Monson

I’ve been taking a hard look at myself lately. Not so much to find fault but to seek direction. I feel like a fence sitter watching the world and trying desperately to not offend anyone but still constantly feel like my foot has a permanent place in my mouth. It wasn’t until last night after a visit from my home teachers that I realized how much differently I think.

The lesson was on moral courage; well actually, it was supposed to be on being spiritually prepared, but this is the vein our home teachers went on. Let me start by saying I have, or we have great home teachers. Brother S is from Winnipeg and he represents what is good in the Priesthood and high priests in general. His example has renewed my faith. His partner is Brother I. J hasn’t been to church in nearly 40 years. He comes from a stalwart, strong southern Alberta family. He’s a full tithe payer and considers himself Mormon through and through. Went on a mission, has a great family he just chooses to not go to church. Love him!

Brother S gave a great lesson, very much in keeping with the way he teaches. He comes at the gospel gently and with quiet fortitude. He has struggles and acknowledges them but he is a family man trying to do what is right. Near the end of the lesson, he began to speak of his sister-in-law. She had a number of kids, grown adults with families of their own, who were choosing to leave the church. They had come across Anti-Mormon literature and “fell away”. The family was devastated and scared. He spoke of his counsel to her and his thoughts and as he spoke I doubt he could understand how close this was hitting to home.

As I listened I could hear his concern and his decision to steer clear of all the hype and writings and I knew that for him, this would work. He wasn’t “like and ostrich and sticking his head in the sand”, he was making a choice to steer clear of the controversy. What I love about my home teachers is that they are not afraid of a woman with an opinion. What then ensued was a conversation that went into depth about what we can and can’t or maybe I should say, should or should not do to find courage in the sea of controversy that is welling up when it comes to the history of our church.

As parents, heck, for those matters, as members of the church, we need to be open to the complaints and criticisms being voiced. It used to be a pamphlet here or there. It’s funny; I am still reminded of the time I went into a friends house when I was about 17 and his mother passed us “anti Mormon” literature (pamphlets) trying desperately to not have her son involved in our church. The feeling from those brochures were strong and hateful but these things weren’t prevalent and we only dealt with them from time to time. With the advent of the internet, all you need to do is google Mormon and my gosh, millions of hits come up and whether you want to believe it or not, the majority are negative with a twist. We can’t hide under a rock anymore and more importantly, fighting or spending all our time in a battle against them may not be the right path either.

As a parent, I knew I was in trouble when my oldest daughter phoned me in great distress asking me if it was true that we were all naked in the temple ceremonies. After I stopped laughing and was able to explain that in fact we weren’t I was able to establish where her source was. I knew she had embarked on a journey to discover for herself truth and that this was going to be the first of many conversations I would be having with her. How could I arm myself? It was a tough decision.

If you read my blog you know that I am open to reading and what I came across was a book called “Rough Stone Rolling”. I prayed a lot and was open to conversation, here is the key. I had to show mutual respect in order for this open dialogue to happen, without it, nothing could have been accomplished. I have read so much, been confused so much but through it all I have relied heavenly on prayer and common sense. Being open to the possibility somehow has helped me to pass through this fairly well. I have previously mentioned staylds.com which has been a God send to me, literally.

Guess what, there is a ton of stuff back there that isn’t pretty. When some, I would say near ½ of members find this, their testimonies are shaken – to the core! Not because it was hidden, or because it was inaccessible, because it wasn’t. It has become, through the years, individual opinions that have been taken as truth and clouded or even for that matter changed the outline of our history. Here’s a word I have used before in this blog and you need now, more than ever to be aware of it. Internet Apostacy. It’s real and it is coming to a church bench near you.

I have no great antidotes for this. I know my journey, I know my heart. I have chosen to stay lds. But when I read of the many members who sit in Sunday School class or RS or Priesthood filling a seat feeling virtually tongue tied because others “won’t hear of it” I shudder and wonder, are their kids next?

Here’s the action plan I imposed on myself. As D is preparing for a mission the field has changed dramatically in the last 2 – 3 years. Before, someone serving in North America and Europe had some hope of converting people, now that’s changed. I had a friend get called to France when we were young. He was told that he must have a strong constitution because missionaries serving in France would sometimes never see a baptism and because of that they needed to redefine what success would be for them on a mission. Well, that was one mission, now, that could easily define any mission in a civilized part of the world where access to computers is easy.

It’s not enough for the bar to have been raised although I still have reservations about that. Some of the best missionaries are those who have crossed through the refiner’s fire, have a deep understanding of the atonement, and can empathize with those who are converting and must cross though that same path. I have asked D to have a full and strong testimony, to understand what it is that these investigators are finding and to have a testimony, beyond the faults of our history, so that he can speak to their questions. We openly discuss truth and I couple my testimony, as best as it is, so that he can have a place to understand just how much one must overcome to find the spirit and be baptized. This is no easy road, trust me. A ton of prayer and fasting as gone into this, but we are just on the ebb of this wave. We have only just begun to lose people and without enlightenment, we are lost.

If you refuse to acknowledge the weaknesses of our past you may be that parent facing the heartache of a lost child. Open conversation and understanding is, I believe, the best way to successfully pass through this storm. In the end, you may have to agree to disagree. For my girls and me, we have come to understand that for me, this works, for them, it hasn’t nor will it ever change my love for them. We still openly discuss and I must admit at times I have agreed with them, of the concerns they have but I have asked them that as I have respected their decisions could they please respect mine and it works.

Now, here are some pointers. Never tell them, if they have left, that they will never be happy without the gospel. Not true. They are. Your example of a full and rich life is all that you can offer because you cannot impose your ascribed values of happiness on them anymore. Agree to disagree but militant and unbending opinion on this is futile. They’re happy, really, they are. They have redefined it and bullying them about this will only force them out of your lives.

Read, read, read, read everything you can that is out of the “best” books so that when they ask questions you have answers that you have found for yourself. I am not asking you to go on the anti Mormon websites and research. What I am asking you to do is become informed. You can not speak to truth, or at least what they know to be truth, if all you have is what you have been taught through the years. Much of the history has been left out and knowing it can help if you are prepared for it. If you believe that Joseph Smith was infallible and without fault – don’t go near any of it. If, you can see that he was a prophet who was also a man then do. You need to know to help others, knowledge is always good.

Sources include History of the Church, Rough Stone Rolling, FAIR, BYU archives and other books readily available through LDS bookstores and your chapel library.

Now, I tell you of a story that I saw recently of an adaption of the Odyessy by Homer. In it, Odysseus is speaking to his fellow travelers and is referring to the character of Homer. Homer has travelled with them far and through all the trails and fears; everything, the terrain, the unknown, all of it, he is afraid. He is the scribe for the journey and yet he continues on, recording all of their conquests and adventures, meeting his fears daily. Odysseus speaks to his fellow soldier and reflects on courage. He asks the soldier who has more courage; the soldier who goes to battle once, twice, maybe three times and faces the enemy or Homer, who conquers his fears, daily, hourly. Yes, the foe is much different but it is the fear within and the conquering of it that remains the same. His argument was knowing and understanding that fear is fear. So then, who has more courage or for that matter more practice at facing it? Who then, is more courageous?

I have no authority or expertise to the answers of all the detractors of my faith. I have no desire to argue because I can’t, for the most part, answer their questions. I may never have an abiding faith that unwaivers but what I do have is an unconditional love and knowlege that for me, this works. It may not make sense, it may never make sense but I love the gospel, this I know for sure. Empowering my son and readying him for a hard and difficult mission is essential for him to not just be a good missionary but to know how to weather the incoming storm but in the end, his mission, his activity remains his choice and I remain unconditional in my acceptance of him, whatever his choice.

So what am I on about?

Finding truth in your heart. What you know to be true may be challenged, even shaken, but within it is the love our Savior has for all men. As my beloved W has helped me to understand. The gospel is everywhere, in the scriptures, in the mountains, in our temples. Feeling it is the essential part and above all else, the most intimate part. I can’t force you to feel my love for the gospel; that remains a task for each of us. Even the very definition of ‘Gospel” is an individual concept. That’s what we signed up for. I know there is so much I don’t know, I understand that leaving hard and unanswered questions unanswered in some cases isn’t good enough but what other choice is there. I would rather have no answer than the wrong answer.

And above all else, when all else makes no sense, or there is nothing else just love.