Yopoppa

When a wife has a good husband it is easily seen in her face.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I thought I might introduce the “Yopoppa” of this equation. I read over the past entries and I can see where I started referencing him in sly and unique ways and then when I finally admitted he existed he had already been very much a part of my life for some time. It’s time to give credit where credit is due and to just be a bit more upfront – but never be that tell tale “oh my gosh my life is so wonderful” kind of person because then you all would think I had lost my mind. LOL

The big Yopoppa came into my life like a wave on a quiet and beautiful beach, like Lani Kai, on the North Shore of Ohua, for all my friends that I have directed there. Slow, easy and calm. He just kept making his presence known and was gentle. Sure, he would shock me with some stuff, surprise me, but nothing was ever too hard to handle.

I remember once, I got scared a bit by something he had said but by that time we had developed the kind of relationship where if we didn’t quite understand we could simply ask for clarification. I was scared a lot of the time, thankful so much more of the time and grateful that he had this incredible amount of patience. I had heard it said once that when a person comes out of a bad relationship and hasn’t addressed their own issues they bring all the bad karma into the new one. Even though there is so much behind me it seems with Wayne he gets it. We both knew the mistakes we made and freely addressed them. It has made an enormous difference.

At the beginning the hardest thing to get used to was that he heard me. He listened so well and I would constantly find myself so amazed. Once, he came up for a singles conference and I didn’t want him to feel obligated to keep me company the whole time. I encouraged him to dance with all the women and before I knew it, he had gone to town by doing just that. I was lucky to get a dance in and when I finally did, he told me his feet were aching. We walked over to the table and another woman asked him to dance. He got up and went – he couldn’t hurt her feelings. Trust me when I say, he did exactly what I asked him to do. How could you fault him for that? It was crazy. He actually heard me. What a profound concept.

There was this time when he tried to tell me he loved me for the first time. I was so worried at the speed in which the relationship was going and I knew I couldn’t say it back yet so when he started to speak; I put my hands to his lips and motioned for him to stop. I said that saying those words would take our relationship to a higher level and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that. He looked at me with his kind eyes and said he understood. As I left that night he looked with a gaze that melted me. I asked what he was thinking. “I’m thinking those three words you won’t let me say.” Now, how unfair was that! I think he won my heart with that one. He definitely had me for sure.

We never really talked marriage for some time – at least in the Mormon time frame anyway. I was in Lethbridge one weekend and out of just about no where he got down on his knee. Yikes, I almost had a heart attack and I asked him, with great trepidation to please get up, “no, don’t you dare do that to me!” He was put off I think, maybe worried that I didn’t want that ever. I reassured him it was a timing thing and then it became a joke. He would go down to tie his shoe. “S – Will you ………. Make dinner for me tomorrow?” “S – Will you………. Get me a rag over there?” He started to do it in front of my friends too. He did it a lot. It got to be quite the joke and it was always in such good humor. That’s when I started to realize just how much laughter had returned to my life.



The one and most important part of this equation is the kids. I don’t think my kids ever thought this kind of thing would happen to me. I think Mom was always going to be just Mom so I knew that before anything concrete could happen we needed the S team on board. They made rumblings very early on, they started testing very quickly and through it all, he just met their challenges. My kids too, soon were laughing. W has never wanted to replace anyone; he just wanted to be accepted. His patience won out. Eventually the kids could see just how happy he was making me.

As a side note – I am totally underplaying the drama here. This time in the process was hard. Past stuff came up, hard feelings were expressed and time limits and extensions were put into play. I really was trying to please everyone. This was tough, no other way to put it. Always is, always will be. Finding someone new is great for you, but it represents a final and definite end for your kids. It’s hard on them. I have no great insight to how to do this; I have yet to meet anyone who has had an easy time of it. Just realize the journey is difficult time and move forward knowing that everything eventually works out when everyone’s feelings are at least considered.

In late Sept, while I was in Lethbridge with our chaperone S, I started to realize that time wasn’t going to change what was left to fix. W and I were exceptionally happy. We had expressed in real words our love for each other and knew that eventually we would be getting married. Time wasn’t a friend for us in this case. I think W sensed it; he was all excited and had a special place he wanted to go. Let’s just say it was unexpected and while he knelt and soaked his knee in the water I just knew, this time I could answer, I could say yes.

The next few months were a blur. There is a part of me that would love to explain everything but I am not going to do that. Those who know us know that the only decision that was possible was made and they will be there to support us next Jan too.

What’s different now about my life now? Let’s see. I have experienced what I knew was always possible. This give and take is so wonderful. Who would have ever known how much I love to cuddle. You’d be surprised what kindness can do to a person. The man hears me and he’s not afraid of the strength I have nor does he ever expect me to be any different than I am. He loves me for who I am and as we go through the days, though there are bumps, because we have respect for each other we listen and talk, oh do we talk. Even as insecure as I can be, even when I question the very foundation of our thinking, he hears and advises and most importantly, he never judges. I love how open minded he is. I love that he learns from his past mistakes and did I tell you how much I love about how kind he is.

His daughter said, on our first meeting, “has he gotten mad yet”? Well, at the time he hadn’t yet. She said – “you can tell he’s mad because his ears go red”. I laughed and thought about the irony of that. Anger is something I am familiar with. I have learned to handle mine but there were times, let me tell you, when it was very scary. The first time Wayne got upset – I could tell right away that he was. We spoke to each other and addressed it and then it was done. Go figure, an argument that lasts 15 minutes. I was so stunned that when I talked to a friend who works in social services about it, she laughed and asked if I knew how long the “average” argument in a marriage lasted. I said I didn’t know; she said “15-20 minutes”. Wow, I am average now.

People say all the time “Oh, S you look so happy”. They have been saying it for some time, before I even met W. Now they comment that it is all over my face. I have never been this content in my life. I have so many things to be grateful for, so many but mostly I am grateful for change and for being open too it. W wasn’t at all what I expected, he wasn’t near what I thought I wanted, but he is everything I ever need. He completes the part of me and tells me the song I always knew was possible is finally being sung.