To the Morning

"Why do birds sing in the morning? It's the triumphant shout: 

'We got through another night!'"

 - Enid Bagnold

Every morning and every night this beautiful prairie meadowlark gladly proclaims his song on the evergreen outside my window. He begins around 4:30am and returns at around 10pm. It's a beautiful melody and to tell you the truth it is very appealing. I count on the lyrical serenade as for some very deep and profound reason it brings me solace.

This week has been a rough one for many in and out of the church. A good Internet friend, one to whom I have watched transition from a soft spoken, intelligent leader to a women with a cause was excommunicated. Once again, the story was picked up by the NY Times and then the world press. My friend John Dehlin has been served notice as well.

And so it goes again. I have seen this scenario played out a few times in the church in my years on the spinning globe. My fear that Kate has been sacrificially slaughtered as a warning to all other deep thinking progress Mormon feminists is not unfounded. She stepped out of place, she's been owned as they say.

The sad result however is the attacks of so many on KATE KELLY by those ever so lovely Mormons with such grand intentions of proclaiming the truth; being ever so Christ-like in their words. I am so tired of what some call "righteous indignation". I call Bullshit. It's just bullying, pure and simple. 

"Get back in line or we will make you get back in line or get out of our church all together". 

Rule 1 in criticism of the church. Be prepared. Especially if you are a Mormon.

I resigned my membership just over 6 months ago. Best decision I have ever made in my life. I don't miss the religion of Mormonism. The cruel harsh reality of a persecution complex on crack demanding faith as your forefathers lost their lives for it. If only members would take a realistic look at their history and see the only true persecution came from within their very own actions.

My whole life I was taught freedom could only be had within the faith. Wow, I have NEVER BEEN MORE FREE than these last 6 months. Free to think, free to act, free to decide and to actually own my decisions and defend them to myself and no one else. That is freedom, true freedom.

I want these words down for posterity. The sad reality is my Mormon relatives will always see me as a heretic; a broken, crippled woman who has lost her way. The truth is that I have never been so found in my entire life.

I never used to pay much attention to the meadowlark outside my window before, I am sure he has always been there. He sits on the top of the tallest pine tree and sings for hours, his song so soothing to my soul. I worry less, I feel more, I love more deeply and I hardly ever judge, excepting those Mormons that constantly call me to repentance; those I judge.

This world, Our God, would never count on such a small amount of "holier than thou" religious zealots to save all of humanity, he just wouldn't. It just doesn't make sense. God is just not that cruel.