Kindness, try it sometime.

"I suppose the thing I most would have liked to have known or been reassured about is that in the world, what counts more than talent, what counts more than energy or concentration or commitment, or anything else - is kindness. And the more in the world that you encounter kindness and cheerfulness - which is its kind of amiable uncle or aunt - the better the world always is. And all the big words: virtue, justice, truth - are dwarfed by the greatness of kindness." ~ Stephen Fry

For over 5 years, 6 in May, I have used this blog as a way of expressing my thoughts through a difficult journey. I started it with one premise, a journal. A written account of my thoughts and feelings as I found happiness again. Some months I have written more than others, some entries more lucid, some filled with pain, some angry and some; joyful.

What this blog has been, more than anything else, is an outlet. A way to think through my life, to reread through the decisions, the pain, the joy and to find myself draped within the words so I could finally, after so many years of being told otherwise, find worth in my soul.

I have used initials to guard privacy, made a point to always say the opinions expressed were mine, I owned them and that the experiences expressed were MY PARADIGM. 

I have done my best to hold back the anger and yet at times, anger was seen because I couldn't do that. Some circumstances create an anger that can only be let go by letting go. It has mostly been directed in circumstances I felt unfair. The JOY of this blog is that my feelings are mine and because these are my words I can express them.

Now, I will express words I hope you understand.

Let me tell you in no uncertain circumstances why I LEFT THE MORMON CHURCH.

Three Fold - in specifics.

HISTORY. The church has correlated the truth right out of the history. What I was taught is nothing close to the truth. When you speak about the church, when scholars write about the truth, they are attacked, criticized, excommunicated, villainies. I grew up in a church that valued truth and found out the only truth they valued was their own narrative. I have only addressed this but a few times, I could write posts proving it all and yet, out of respect I haven't.

DOCTRINE: Well, lets see, blacks and the priesthood, polygamy, Adam/GOD, the Kinderhook plates, the Book of Abraham,DNA evidence, rewriting scriptures to hide "white and delightsome", and then, the cracker, the one I couldn't get over. Forcing a woman and her family to stay sealed to a MONSTER. I could go on, but wont.

And then, the one that shoved me out the door;

THE PEOPLE!

Yes, that's some of you who read this blog. You see, for a long time, whether you meant to or not, you truly let me know how you felt by YOUR ACTIONS. Lets see, shoved out of door way, home taught in the middle of a street, accused of being immoral, yelled at in the middle of a chapel, I could go on but I wont. 

It seemed that having an opinion of an other's place in God's eyes is the right of every member of a ward. It never seemed to end for me, I could never do anything right and well, quite a few of you made sure I was aware of what it was in YOUR opinion that I was doing wrong. So Christlike don't you think?

So, WHAT AM I ON ABOUT?????

Apparently some of you have been so concerned about my words it's caused you to go to the Bishop.

Seriously?

I'm done. I am not going private because by doing that my words are lost. I want my words left visible and accessible. I need them to bear witness to whats wrong with a culture that claims love and dispenses hate and judgement.

If your purpose of reading my words is in support, send me an email ( oilgirl2@shaw.ca ) and I'll direct you to my new blog home. For those who simply judged my words and found fault, take some time, watch this. Maybe this will save someone else the pain that I have felt.