To Wai Fun Stella - May she REST IN PEACE

"A man's sympathy extends just so far as his wisdom reaches, and no further; and a man only grows wiser as he grows tenderer and more compassionate. To narrow one's sympathy is to narrow one's heart, and so to darken and embitter one's life. To extend and broaden one's sympathy is to enlighten and gladden one's life and to make plainer to others the way of light and gladness." —James Allen

I feel more hurt than I have felt in a very long time. I thought I had my feelings together, I really knew the outcome was going to be exactly what it was, I knew the answer before the question was even asked but nothing prepared me for the soul wrenching heartache of not being surprised.

What am I on about.

Bishop H phoned and they will not proceed with my cancellation without my holding a current temple recommend. What I don't understand is; if I have no intention of requesting a sealing why is it necessary to have a recommend to get a cancellation?

Before I even began this journey, I asked a ton of relevant and important questions and concerns with regards to the GENDER BIAS policies of the temple sealing/cancellation process. Bishop assured me over and over that it was fair and that the things I had read and heard about were over exaggerations. Falsehoods of misguided members. I trusted him and in the end every nightmare was true.

In speaking with the Bishop today I told him how disappointed I was that the church was demanding I pay tithing - the only thing that eliminates me from holding a recommend, to have my cancellation. Really? Really?

So, he can destroy lives, emotionally, spiritually, physically and verbally abuse an entire family for 25 years, not pay child support, and it's okay to have a clearance but if I simply walk away because the culture is so friggin mean I can't have a cancellation. I am not asking to be married again in the temple!!!! I am making no demands of the church except to acknowledge what the LAW OF THE LAND has already allowed and let me have EMOTIONAL CLOSURE! The answer back from the "Wonderful Day in the Kingdom" stake president who has NEVER asked or inquired how we as a family are doing is "no, not without a current recommend."

I am heartbroken - let me have CLOSURE! PLEASE! I sacrificed my entire life to the church. I served for over 30 years and all I am asking is to be allowed a closure to a life so severe and so damaging that I doubt any of us will be entirely healed. This is cruelty and it's harshest. This is kicking someone when they are down.

If you have answers to this help me because at this point my disaffection for the church has now turned to utter disillusionment!