Life Lesson # 14 Relationships

Life Lesson # 14.

"If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it."

I have sat on this for a while, not because I am ashamed but more because of how I might process and reflect on this life lesson. My life, in the church anyway, has been an open book for anyone to write on. Gossip and innuendo has been the fader and mostly, people have had it wrong until someone in the know would correct the misstatements’ so as to alleviate the embarrassment to my kids. Gossip is a staple of the Mormon culture and whether you want to admit it or not, we all become unwilling or willing, in some cases, participants in it. So here’s a heads up.

Yes, I am in a relationship. Now, I could stop at this but what fun would that be? I could leave you hanging and then you might say, “Oh, that’s why the posts are so sporadic now.” But the truth is I am having a great time dating and out of just about nowhere a relationship was borne and I am still, as of this moment, shocked that I am even in one. Let me explain.


W and I met on an internet site at about the time both of us were about to quit. I was on mostly as a curious bystander and had promised myself that I would answer any smile that was sent. W sent one and I responded, almost 9 months ago. We conversed back and forth and with each exchange I would give him all the reasons why I would be the most unlikely choice. He was patient and hung on and 6 months after first conversing I agreed to meet him at the temple. Shut up! I know that’s cheesy!


His picture did him no justice and above everything else W is kind; unbelievably kind and when I look back on all the prayers sent heavenward the first and most important quality was kindness. Guess what, the Lord sometimes gives you exactly what you asked for. We talk for hours and we challenge each other in the best of ways and we compliment each other in that many more. The one common thought is that time is the best way to really know someone and time is what we have. Four seasons and assembling something from IKEA, (somehow, I think with W’s brain that won’t be a problem). The inaugural season, as assigned by the Smith Children is Summer 2009. So if you are thinking of asking when any nuptials would be taking place may I suggest you hold that thought until summer of 2010. Life has already dealt one bad decision on my behalf; I am taking some extra time to make sure the next one has more staying power.


This step in my life required a faith and courage I have never experienced before and still does….. daily. Trust alone is one of the biggest issues and as W said, sometimes you just have to let it go and let see what happens. Well, I have done that and I can’t believe the happiness I have in my life now. When he isn’t here, I am incomplete and when the door bell rings and he’s there, my heart skips a beat and then settles into the happy hum of being in and loving someone and having that someone love me back. He offers no criticisms, no put downs, no snide remarks. He has redefined partner for me in a way I know is normal for all of you but so foreign for me at one time. Is this really what it was supposed to be all about?


Will this last? Hmnnnn, I don’t know the answer to that. We have three more seasons to go through but what I know now is that I am better for having known and for knowing W.


My kids are scared. They have trust issues and want time to get used to all of this. It’s funny, even though I am not the one who caused them all the pain I still face the consequences of the decisions of others. These consequences aren’t impossible to live with. It’s even easier when the two of you become a team, another concept that until now has been completely foreign to me. Go figure… team work being something you have no idea about even after a 25 year marriage. It is almost hysterical if it weren’t so pathetic. My children are learning to trust that I will take time and that knowing W is an important part of becoming a part of our family. Even with the few bumps we have had we are learning to get through this and to be okay. I love healing!


So, there you have it. I have actually admitted I am in a relationship. He is one incredible man and he has taught me that kindness and compassion does actually happen in the man folk. Oh yeah, and guess what, he listens too. Wow, did that take a while to get used to. So here is to the enjoyment of the journey for the next little while. With each new day I am learning what love was supposed to be about and not the destructive concept I had for so long. God does answer our prayers, we just need to be sure that we are aware of the answer; it can sometimes be much unexpected.


And to W, to whom I know reads my blog. Thank-you for coming into my life and helping me to trust and know that kindness is one of the greatest blessings one can give another and that the love languages we have are there to be seen and cared about. You are a giver to your very core and I am forever grateful for you bringing faith that giving is a quality each of us should always have and never be ashamed of and for allowing me the time to understand all of this. Patience is a virtue by which you are best described.


On that first drive along the Longview highway when you said, “sometimes you just have to let it all go and just let it happen”, was the best advice anyone has given me. You are one hell of a man and I thank-you for not only restoring my faith in all that manhood is but for giving my kids a reason to maybe look again and see that there are nice guys out there and that their Mom may have been lucky (I say blessed) enough to have found it.


And let me iterate to everyone else one more time; please don’t ask when we will be announcing our nuptials because that won’t be for a while. This isn’t like the first time. There are five precious gifts from God involved and they are just as much a part of this team as W and I ever will be. For heavens sake, W and I are barely used to all of this and it is our lives, I can’t imagine what it’s like for them.


Stay tuned…… this could be one hell of a ride.