Thirty Years

Expose yourself to your deepest fear;

after that, fear has no power, 

and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. 

You are free. 

~ Jim Morrison

I woke up this morning and hit a wall. I have had an inner ear problem since W and I came back from Comox. Driving through the mountains that quickly caused my inner ear to swell. I get vertigo which is nasty to deal with. After a few days it's just old so to say Im not in a great place to start with would be accurate. With that being said, here's what I am on about.

I was looking at my Ipad email and noticed the date. Sept 9. Well, then I saw the year, 2012. It hit me, 30 years ago I was sealed to my first husband. 30 years. 

Then I thought about those years. I reminisced about who I was that Thursday, 30 years ago. Who I am today all all that I was all those years in between.

I could only think of one word to sum it all. 

Free.

I gave up so much that day. It had already started before then for sure but that day, I sealed it and for the next 25 years, each day, I gave more and more of myself away.

Now, I am. I wake up knowing my choice; my consequences. I think and it isn't wrong, I feel, and it's okay. No one rules over me. 

I could go into a huge diatribe of all that it was but I won't. I have said it before and I will repeat it; water under the bridge.

So the wall I hit was the realization that I need to be grateful each day for this freedom. I can't squander it but use it to my advantage and fly, soar really.

I do have to say one thing though. That day gave me the most wonderful gifts of my life, my children. For those 4 reasons, I would find gratitude in it and in him.

Thank you M for K1, K2, K3 and D.  

They are my everything, my life.